


Incorrect TOH Quotes

by Artist_Kun



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Comedy, F/F, WE'RE WINNING, gays, this is random honestly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:34:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 89
Words: 59,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25142467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artist_Kun/pseuds/Artist_Kun
Summary: Something me and my friends did in Discord and I decided to share it here!
Relationships: Amity Blight/Luz Noceda, Boscha/Willow (The Owl House), Eda Clawthorne/Camilia Noceda, Emira Blight/Viney
Comments: 677
Kudos: 2994





	1. Quotes

**Eda** : [gets pulled over]

 **cop** : papers

 **Eda** : scissors [drives off]

* * *

**Luz** : So how old were you guys when you found out Santa wasn't real?

 **Edric, whispering to Emira** : How old am I?

 **Emira** : We're 16, Ed

 **Edric** : I was 16

* * *

**Camilia** : I said I wanted McDonald's.

 **Eda** : yea and I bought you McDonald's.

 **Camilia** : I MEANT A BIG MAC OR SOMETHING, NOT THE ENTIRE COMPANY? EDA WTF?

* * *

**Boscha** : why are you ignoring Luz?

 **Amity** : I'm playing hard to get

 **Boscha** : why would you do that? you're already hard to want

* * *

**Kidnapper** : we have your older siblings

 **Amity** : oh no can I speak to them?

 **Kidnapper** : make it quick [hands phone to Ed and Em]

 **Amity** : goodbye you little shits

* * *

**Luz** : can we please stay in your room?

 **Amity** : why?

 **Emira** : we played with an ouija board and cursed ours

 **Luz** : and Edric isn't much help, he doesn't know how to banish spirits, he just throws salt at them and yells "does this look like a hotel to you?!"

* * *

**Camilia: could you please go to the store and get a carton of milk? If they have avocados, get six**

**[Later]**

**Eda** : walks in with six cartons of milk 

**Eda** : they had avocados 

* * *

**Amity** : I’ve never had a best friend. 

**Luz** : I’ll be your best friend! 

**Amity** : 

**Amity, turning to Luz** : I’ve never had a girlfriend either. 

* * *

**Boscha** : I’m a magician, I can make you forget that you’re gay 

**Amity** : but I’m not gay 

**Boscha** : see, you already forgot 

**Amity** : ... 

* * *

**Edric** : Can we get McDonald's? 

**Emira** : No, we have food at home. 

**Edric, crying** : I hate this fucking family 

* * *

**Boscha** : [sneezes] **Amity** : Bless you. 

**Luz** : [sneezes] **Amity, already wrapping Luz in blankets and feeding her soup** : Oh my god, are you sick?! How could I have let this happen?! You poor thing! 

**Willow** : [sneezes] **Amity** : Oh my fucking god shut the fuck up. 

* * *

**Camilia** : honey, did I ever tell u that u cook well? 

**Eda** : aww, no babe 

**Camilia** : so why do you keep cooking? 

* * *

**Amity** : Whoever took my pie, come forward and all will be forgiven. 

**Luz** : 

**Edric** : 

**Emira** : 

**Amity: Smart. You knew I would never forgive you.**

* * *

****

****

**Edric** : welcome to my very first vlog in which I try different hair products 

[Sprays hairspray into mouth] 

**Edric** : well, right off the bat I could tell you this one is not very good. 

* * *

**A random person in hexside** : Ugh, that blight girl is such a snob, isn't she? She thinks she's better than everyone here... 

**Amity** : 

**The same person as before** : And her "girlfriend", that human? So dumb and Naive. I don't know how they let her study here when she can't even do magic properly. 

**Amity** : WHAT DID YOU SAY?!. That's The LOVE OF MY LIFE you are Talking about. You do NOT talk about MY girlfriend in such a degrading manner. I will PUNCH you. Boscha LET ME GO. THIS BITCH WILL NOT SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY AGAIN, LET ME GO- 

* * *

**Willow** : how do you tall people sleep? the blanket can't possibly cover all of you 

**Boscha** : willow, it's four o'clock in the morning 

**Willow** : so you can't sleep? is it because of the blanket? 

* * *

****Luz** : Amity, truth, or dare?**

****Amity** : Truth**

**Luz** : How much sleep have you had over the past week? 

**Amity** : 

**Amity** : Dare 

**Luz** : I dare you to get a good nights sleep 

**Amity** : daMMIT 

* * *

**Luz** : I bet I can fit the whole world in my hands. 

**Amity** : That's impossible, the planet has a diameter of more than 12,000 kilometers. I- 

**Luz, cupping Amity's face** : See? 

**Amity, Blushing furiously** : Stop it I have a reputation. 

* * *

**Boscha** : Wow the stars are beautiful tonight 

**Willow** : Yeah they are 

**Boscha** : You know who else is beautiful though? 

**Willow and Boscha** : Luz. 

**Luz, shooting her head up from where she's stargazing with Amity** : Pardon? 

**Amity, spaced out** : Yeah she beautiful 

* * *

**Narrator** : here we have the beautiful couple 

**Luz** : I care about your feelings! 

**Amity** : I care about your feelings too!!! 

**Narrator** : And over here, the disaster gays 

**Boscha** : You need to spend more time with me and less time in the Infirmary!!! 

**Willow** : I wouldn't have to spend so much time in the Infirmary if you didn't insist on fighting everyone who comes within five feet of us!!! 

* * *

**Lilith** : WHO is responsible for THIS? 

**Amity** : I think it was probably Luz, but I’m going to blame Willow 

**Luz** : I think it was probably Gus, but I’m going to blame Amity 

**Willow** : I think it was probably Luz, but I’m gonna blame Gus 

**Gus** : I think it was probably Amity, but I’m down with this, so I’m going to take the credit 

**Eda** : It was completely, unequivocally my fault, but no way in hell I'm going to own up to it 

* * *

**Amity** : man sure is dark in here 

**Luz** : 

**Amity** : I'm not scared of anything! 

**Luz** : 

**Amity** : I mean, who's scared of the dark these days, not me no sir... 

**Luz** : do you want me to hold your hand? 

**Amity** : yes, please 


	2. Back at it again

[Eda visiting where Camilia's hospital job is]  
Eda: I have bad news

Patient: oh no

Eda: I'm not a doctor

Patient: But you just gave me surgery-

Eda, whiny voice: bUt YoU jUsT gAvE mE- shut the fuck up, that's why it's bad news

* * *

Lilith: I had a dream last night. 

Eda: Oh yeah? What was it about? 

Lilith: We got in a fight. 

Eda: Who won? 

Lilith: I did. 

Eda: It was definitely a dream then.

* * *

Amity: [sees King is driving] Shouldn't you be the one behind the wheel? 

Luz: I don't have a license. 

Amity: Oh, but the tiny demon does?

* * *

Amity: You lost, you cheated. Say it. Say you're not a witch and you're only doing it because you like me. Just the same way I like you. And that is not a paranoia of mine (gasp)

Luz, after process everything, and then blushed: You what?!

* * *

Luz: I don’t want to hurt their feelings. 

Eda: Hurt their feel— do you just walk around all day thinking about other people’s feelings? 

Luz: Yeah. Don’t you? 

Eda: No. How do you get anything done?

* * *

Amity: Where's Luz and Edric?

Emira: I don't know.

Luz and Edric zooming past on one of those kiddie jeeps at top speed: [SCREAMING]

* * *

Edric: Today’s show is sponsored by Knife! 

Edric: Need to cut something? Use Knife! 

Edric: Need to poke a hole in another thing? Try using Knife! 

Edric: Have one thing and want it to become two or more smaller things? 

Edric: You could try Saw. Saw sometimes works. 

Edric: But other times? You need Knife!

* * *

Edric: And those are all there are. 

Luz: Wow, they are so cute 

Amity, entering the door: Hello, I'm back, what are you do--

Amity, blushing running towards Edric: Those are my photos from when I was a baby?! I kill you!

* * *

Luz: A good romance begins with a good friendship!

Edric: And a bad romance begins with ra ra ra-a-a ro ma ro ma ma

* * *

[Texting]

Boscha: blueberries are the only fruit named after a color 

Emira: star fruit?

Boscha: thats is a shape 

Edric: avocado?

Boscha: those arent real everyone knows that

Amity: Orange.

Boscha: fuck you

* * *

Luz: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Camilia: Prettiest smile.

Lilith: Nicest personality.

Eda: “Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one.”

* * *

Amity, writing in her journal: It's day 23 of living in the dorms with Luz, Emira and Edric. I don't know how much more I can take. They're driving me-

Edric and Emira, from the other room: (To the tune of Final Countdown) IT'S A MENTAL BREAKDOWN

Luz: [Off key kazoo]

Amity: ...

Amity: ...Fucking insane.

* * *

Eda, sees bee on Camilia's arm: Uh oh.

Eda, rolls up a newspaper: Babe... Stay still

Eda, using newspaper as a megaphone: THERE'S A FUCKING BEE ON YOU.

* * *

Eda, at 3AM: "Sleepy" sounds so much better than "tired." Everyone needs to stop saying "tired" and start saying "sleepy."

Camilia, trying to sleep: I'm so sleepy of your shit

* * *

Eda: [stubs her toe] GAH! Hot Belgium waffles! 

Eda: Wait, I'm alone in the house. I can swear for real! 

Eda: [takes deep breath] SON OF A-

* * *

Amity: Goodnight

Emira: Goodnight.

Edric: Sleep tight.

Luz: Don’t let the bed bugs bite.

Edric: Tonight.

Luz: Imma fight.

Edric: ‘Till we see the sunlight.

Luz: Tick tock.

Edric: On the clock.

Luz: But the party won’t stop-

Amity: SHUT THE FUCK UP

* * *

Luz: bro I got you some shoes take a look

Edric: bro those are expensive...

Luz: I have the same pair too, now we are

Luz: solemates

Edric: bro

* * *

Amity: I'm kinda cold

Luz: Here, have my jacket

Willow: ...I'm cold too

Boscha: Then you should have listened to me when I said dress warm.

* * *

Amity: How do I make a date more romantic?

Boscha: Try being mysterious.

Amity: Got it.

[later on said date]

Luz: So where are we going?

Amity: None of your fucking business.

* * *

Edric: You better promise to feed her every day

Emira: And make sure she sleeps well

Boscha: And tend to her daily needs

Luz: Don't worry guys, I will hug her and stay with her and kiss her and love her every day!!

Amity:... I hope you guys realize I'm not a pet...

* * *

Lilith: Anything you say in the next thirty seconds is free, starting right now. 

Eda: I think you’re cocky. Arrogant. Bossy and pushy. You also have a God complex and don’t think of anybody but your damn self. 

Lilith: But, I- 

Eda: Wait. I still have 23 seconds and I’m not done.

* * *

(Amity and luz having an intense staring match)

Luz: [eyes drying out, and she's genuinely trying hard not to blink]

Amity: [having the time of her life staring into luz's eyes with a derpy smile]

* * *

Eda: This date is boring

Camilia: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

Eda: Then why did you invite me?

Camilia: I didn't. I specifically said 'don't come with me' and you said 'fuck you babe, I'll do whatever I want'.

* * *

luz: do you guys finish eachothers sentences??!

emira: oh, all the time, it's like we're totally in-

edric: spaghetti.

* * *

Camilia: Eda?

Eda, looking up from her book: Yes?

Camilia: [kisses her forehead]

Eda: [Dies]

* * *

Eda: I am the most powerful witch in the Boiling Isles, I have no weakness

Camilia: that's cute babe [kisses her cheek]

Eda: [faints]

* * *

Luz in a beauty pageant: Waddup, my name's Luz Noceda, I'm from the human world, and I love fried chicken!

Eda in the audience: [claps and wipes a tear from her eye] It's true, she loves chicken

* * *

Luz, letting Amity win an arm wrestling contest: Ah! Darn it! You won again!

Willow, slamming Boscha's hand on the table at full force: DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET BABE?? SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH HALF A WITCH!!?

* * *

Emira: Where's Edric and Luz?

Amity: Did you check the toy and candy isles?

Emira: Yeah but they're not there

[CRASH]

Emira: Found them!

Edric and Luz laying amongst a destroyed display: Oh no, Ed, Amity's got her scary face on RUN

* * *

Camilia: Hey Eda, can you do something for me?

Eda: I would literally cover up a murder for you, plant my DNA at the scene of the crime, and take the blame.

Camilia: Great. Can you do the dishes?

Eda: No.

* * *

Amity: I think we have bad taste in girls

Camilia: I personally agree

Luz and Eda: [trying to prank a bunch of neighbors]

* * *

Luz: So I have introduced my mentor to my mom

Eda and Camilia: [flirting with each other]

Luz: THEY ARE DATING NOW IT'S HASN'T BEEN A WEEK


	3. OOF

Luz: [holding a sign outside the blight manor that says “GROM?”]

Edric: OH MY GOD? YES!!

Luz: No! Get Amity!!

Edric: oh, yeah. AMITY! IM GOING TO GROM WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND!

* * *

Amity: ....how did this happen.

Amity: HOW!? [points to Matt's corpse laying on the ground]

Luz: Well... I stabbed him.

Amity: HOW??? HE HAS MAGIC! AND WHY?!

Luz: Yeah he was boasting about it too

Luz: But I was like, "I don't need magic to stab a bitch"

Luz: So yeah I stabbed him.

Luz: He was also being mean to me and Gus-

Amity: He deserved it

* * *

Eda: Hypothetical question: if I asked you to marry me would you say yes or no?

Camilia: Are you asking me to marry you?

Eda: That depends on if you’re saying yes.

Camilia: I can’t say yes if you’re not really asking me!

Eda: Well I’m not asking unless you say yes!

Lilith: I don’t understand how you two have made it as far as you have.

Eda: Relationship wise or in life?

Lilith: both

* * *

Edric: Look, sometimes you just have to fulfill the higher tiers of your pyramid of needs okay?

Emira: and that's why you're wearing sunglasses in the bathtub while being fully clothed and eating chicken nuggets out of a wine glass?

Edric: See, now you're getting it. Could you hand me that box of capri-suns

* * *

Boscha: You’re either perfect or you’re not me. There’s no gray area.

* * *

Willow: What is the hardest thing for you to say?

Gus: I was wrong

Boscha: I'm sorry

Amity: I'm in love with Luz

Luz: worceste-- wait, WHAT?!?

* * *

News reporter: A man was paralyzed after eating 413 chicken nuggets.

Edric, cracking his knuckles: So, the limit is 412.

* * *

Willow: When I was small-

Boscha: [Wheeze]

Boscha: **_Was?_**

* * *

Boscha: Dear Santa, I’ve been good this year.

Boscha: Most of the year.

Boscha: Once in a while.

Boscha: Nevermind, I’ll buy my own presents.

* * *

Amity, setting down a card: Ace of spades!

Emira, pulling out an Uno card: +4!

Edric, pulling out a Pokémon card: Pikachu! I choose you!

Luz, trembling: W...what are we playing?

* * *

Edric: Bro, would you do me the honor of going to the grom with me? 

Luz: Brooo ... Sorry, but I'm going to go with Amity. 

Edric: Bro.., well I was expecting it. Do not worry. I'll have to find someone else to go both of us as Pickle Rick's. 

Luz, turning to Edric: Wait! That's the funniest thing I've ever seen. I'm in.

* * *

Kidnapper: We have your friend

Luz: Wait- Who? Is she safe?

Kidnapper: Yeah, but her stare is fucking terrifying [whispers] I'm scared

Luz: Oh, you have Amity, my girlfriend!

Luz: Yeah you don't have her, she has you. Good luck!

* * *

Amity: I haven’t been this happy since... 

Amity: 

Amity: Oh, wow. I’ve never been happy! 

Amity: Huh. 

Amity: Bad!

* * *

Emira, Edric, Amity and Luz: [Hiding from the villain of the week]

Villain, whispers: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea

Edric: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

* * *

Emira: Let’s play hide and seek. 

Edric: Okay! Amity, you count!

Amity, after counting to 50, sighing heavily: “You would not believe your eyes...” 

Edric, from the bathroom: IF TEN MILLION FIREFLIES

* * *

[Sneaking into a home]

Amity: How are we gonna get in?

Luz: Don't worry, I've got the keys

Luz: [Smashes window]

* * *

Camilia: why would you give Luz a knife?!

Eda: she felt unsafe

Camilia: now I feel unsafe

Eda: I'm sorry

Eda: ... would you like a knife?

* * *

Luz: How dumb do they think we are? 

Edric: Sometimes Emira leaves me pictures of food instead of a shopping list.

* * *

Edric: [ordering Mexican food in Spanish to impress his bro, Luz]

Luz: bro... 

McDonald's employee:....what

* * *

Amity: Hello my beautiful girlfriend. Just wondering, did you eat my piece of cake? As it seems to have disappeared and I was looking forward to it.

Luz: ....Maybe 

Amity: I'll give you a five-second head start.

* * *

Amity: SHE'S COMING! 

Willow: WHAT DO WE DO?! 

Boscha: ACT NATURAL 

Luz: [slowly passing by and sees the girls]

Amity, Willow, and Boscha: [doing a model pose]

Luz: [decided to eat with the Blight Twins]

Amity, Willow and Boscha: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!

* * *

Emira: where the hell is Edric?

Amity: Luz said she'd come

Edric and Luz: [dancing to the chorus of Party Rock Anthem]

Emira: I WANNA JOIN

Amity:

* * *

Boscha: Guys, if I die I'd like you all to do one small teeny tiny thing for me. I just want you to build a one-hundred-acre museum dedicated to my memory and all the great things I have done. Bronze my clothing and possessions. Have at least three hundred marble statues of me in my most gorgeous poses. One of these statues should stand one hundred feet tall. One of the fourteen wings of the museum should have an amusement park with the world's fastest roller coaster inside. None of these rides should be equipped with safety devices. You can license some of the space to fast-food restaurants and ice-cream parlors. The gift shop should sell stuffed Boscha dolls equipped with all the great things I have. There's a more detailed list in my room.

* * *

Luz: [Holding a fancy bottle] Is this juice or perfume?

Edric: [Chugs the whole thing]

Edric: It’s perfume.

* * *

Luz: My stomach growled super loud in French

Emira: Bonjour

Edric: Le growl

Luz: I would like to clarify that my stomach did not speak French. It growled in French class I apologize

Emira: Too late

Edric: Hon hon hon feed me a baguette

* * *

Camilia: can you get some laundry detergent on the way back, hon?

Eda: laundry detergent?

Camilia: you know, the liquid you pour into a washing machine

Eda: OH you mean laundry sauce

Camilia, utterly disgusted: what the fuck

* * *

Boscha, listening to headphones: You are...my fire.

Willow, quietly, from her desk: My one...desire.

Emira, stirring her coffee: Believe, when I say.

Edric, reading a book: That I want it that way.

Gus, climbing on the desk: TELL ME WHY

Edric: Ain't nothing but a heartache!

Amity: [Comes out to see what's going on]

Luz, bursting in: Teeeell me why!

Gus: Ain't nothing but a mistake

Emira: Tell me why!

Boscha: I never wanna hear you say

All: :D

Amity, sighing, massaging her temples: That I want it that way.


	4. Another one

Emira: Put a finger down, sibling edition. Put a finger down if your mother told you to restart the dryer because the clothes in the dryer weren’t dry yet and when you turned it on you heard screaming coming from inside of the dryer and you were like, uhm, why is there screaming coming from inside of the dryer? So you turn off the dryer and you open it up to see your brother upside down in the dryer screaming.

Emira: [puts a finger down] 

Edric: My trauma isn’t yours to tell! 

Emira: What were you even doing there!!!

* * *

(Boscha and willow babysitting)

Boscha: [trying to comfort a crying baby] What is your problem?

Willow: Try singing! 

Boscha: What iiiiiis your ppproooooblem? 

Willow: [facepalming]

* * *

Boscha, about willow: Look at her with her stupid glasses and dumb clothes. cute smile, and stupidily adorable face.

Boscha: I want to kiss her

Amity: [looking back and forth at willow and boscha]

* * *

Amity: Babe you haven't looked at me in 10 minutes.

Luz: We're watching a movie?

Amity: Did I ask for an excuse?

* * *

Eda: GOD you're so clingy

Camilia: you came into MY bed

* * *

Edric: I WANT CHICKEN NUGGIES

Emira: No Ed we have chi-

Edric, with a knife: I said I want some nuggies....

Emira:Amity get the keys! GET THE KEYS!

* * *

Amity: Take me to art museums and hold my hands

Luz: But they said not to touch the masterpieces

Amity: You smooth motherfucker

* * *

Luz: So...Plan B?

Amity: Technically, we're on plan G.

Luz: How many plans do we have? Is there like, a plan M?

Amity: Yes, but Edric dies in plan M.

Edric: **wHAT???** _**HOLD UP.**_

* * *

Boscha: You are the smartest, most gorgeous witch I have ever seen. Nobody deserves you.

Willow: babe? What are you doing?

Boscha: [turning away from the mirror] Oh uh nothing

* * *

Eda: So when I said jump off a cliff...YOU DID IT?!

Luz And Edric, with broken bones: Yep!

Eda: I WAS JOKING!

Luz And Ed: Oh.

* * *

Amity: I have written a shortlist of some of the reasons why Luz is adorable.

Emira: That...

Edric: That's ten pages, back to back.

Amity: I had to keep it brief

* * *

Luz: [sigh] I have little nerd arms...

Amity: You just carried a boat without stopping.

* * *

Edric: I need a glass of boneless ice

Amity: You need a what?

Edric: Tasteless soup.

Luz: Water. He needs water.

* * *

Edric: You got smacked into a wall passed out. Do you remember anything?

Luz: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Eda: There wasn't an ambulance. I drove you.

Luz: But I heard a siren????

Emira: That was Mittens.

Amity: I was WORRIED!

* * *

Amity, to Luz and Edric: Hey, can you guys get a table?

Luz and Edric: Yep, sure.

[ten minutes later...]

Luz and Edric, carrying a table over their heads: AMITY, START THE CAR!

* * *

Edric: how was grom?

Amity, angrily: it was the best fucking night of my life. It was goddamn awesome. I'm so freaking happy.

Emira: you don't sound happy

Amity: i AM i just fell in love with luz and now I'm PISSED ABOUT IT.

* * *

Eda: "Hey Camilia, check out this fancy new shirt"

Camilia, reading it: "You are not immune to propaganda?"

Eda, walking away: [wearing shorts that say propaganda on the back]

* * *

Luz: Ok- We need a water source 

Amity: Well your body is 60% water, seems like enough

Luz, worried: Uuuuuuuuhhhhh

Edric: Nah we're not eating Luz, let's just find a lake or something.


	5. Never gonna give you up

Amity: Aw, I cut my finger :(

Luz: whee ooo wheee ooooo wheee oooo wheeee oooo

Amity: What??

Luz: puts a bandage on Amity's finger

Luz, running away: wheeeee oooooo wheeeee oooooo

Amity: ......

* * *

Luz: Jail’s no fun, I’ll tell you that.

Amity, very confused and concerned: You’ve been?

Luz with a long-distance stare: Once, in Monopoly.

* * *

Amity: [fast forwards all the way through a movie]

Luz: You can't just skip to the happy ending

Amity: I don't have time for their damn problems

* * *

Emira: good morning brother, it’s emira. May I call you?

Edric: peace queen. yes ma'am.

Amity: they talking like they're in medieval times

* * *

Amity: I'm having grave concerns about our relationship.

Luz: [nervously] ...You are?

Amity, glaring: Yes, about how well it's going.

* * *

Luz: Remember Eda, no jokes!

Eda: with you wearing that suit, I don’t need to tell jokes.

* * *

Edric as a phone operator: what do you mean you’re being murdered?

Edric: that's illegal people cant do that

* * *

Luz: You think you're better than everyone else.

Boscha: I don't think I'm better than everyone else. I know I am.

* * *

Luz: I have an excellent gaydar, I can determine if a person is gay or not with just a glance 

Amity: I've been in love with you for months 

Luz: Wait, You've...WHAT?!

* * *

Amity: I’ve got no chance with Luz. She’s adorable, she’s cool, and she’s bisexual! That means she likes men AND women!

Boscha: I know what bisexual means.

Amity: I can’t compete with that! That’s too many people boscha! That’s ALL the people!

* * *

Amity: what's 8 + 9

luz: Okay so the rule is 9 + x is one less than whatever x is in the teens, so by that logic 8 + x would be two less than whatever x is in the teens, and 9-2 is seven, so the answer is 17

Amity:

amity: that's correct but why didn't you stop at the 9 + x rule and subtract 1 from 8

luz:

luz: Shit

* * *

Amity: Luz, it’s time to stop treating us like children! And it’s also time to stop feeding us dinosaur-shaped chicken!

Luz: But you love your dinosaur nuggets.

Amity: We’re mature now, Luz! Tell her, Edric!

Edric, playing with his dino nuggets: RAWRRRR RAWRRRR

Luz: (ﾟヮﾟ)

Amity: (￣-￣ )

* * *

Amity: God, give me patience.

Luz: Shouldn't it be "God, give me strength?"

Amity: If I had strength, everyone would be dead.

* * *

Lilith: Look, I'm just trying to look out for you.

Amity: I never asked for that! You're not my mom!

Lilith:

Amity:

Lilith: [Sniffs]

Amity: Wait- Mom, I didn't mean it.

* * *

Amity, hoarsely: I think I'm losing my voice

Luz, jokingly: Haha, guess that means you can’t yell at us anymore

[Later that day]

Luz: Turns out, Amity is scarier when she's quiet

* * *

Amity: For the better?

Edric: [nervously sweats]

Amity: Edric?

Amity, glaring: Answer me, Edric

* * *

Boscha: Do you wanna know how I actually hurt my wrist?

Luz: Yes.

Boscha: I was hula-hooping. I attend a class for fitness and fun.

Luz: I'm sorry, what? 

Boscha: I've mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie doodle 

Luz: Why are you telling me all this??????

Boscha: Because no one will even believe you.

* * *

Luz: the way I used to steal hand sanitizer from bath and body works

Edric: wait for that wasn't complimentary??

Edric: hold up somethings not right if they're not free why did they leave them in a bowl by the door

Edric: you paid for them?? How much did they cost?

Amity: 8 dollars??

Edric:

Edric: I'm going to JAIL

* * *

Edric: So... I saw you spending a lot of time with mittens lately.

Luz: No, Ed, it's not what it looks like! I swear! 

Edric: Oh really? So no reason for me to get jealous? 

Luz: No bro, you're the only one for me!

Edric: Is that so? 

Luz: I promise! Amity and I are just dating, okay? She's my girlfriend. 

Edric: So there are no best-friend-feelings involved? 

Luz: You are still my one and only best friend! She's just the love of my life, nothing more! 

Edric: But I'm still the platonic love of your life, right? Bros for life? 

Luz: Of course Bro, Bro's for life.

[Edric and luz fist bumping]

Amity: what the fuck-

* * *

Luz: I need to find the perfect girl....

Amity: What if she’s standing right here?

Luz: Where? I don’t see her! I DONT WANNA BE ALONE!

* * *

Edric, sweating profusely: When I was 9 years old, I fed cereal flakes to a small demon and it died. Then there was a period of time where I fed cereal flakes to all animals. 

Edric: the big ones can live through it. But the small ones cant live through it. 

Edric: Anything that lives half in and out of water dies, and I don't understand why. 

Edric: When I was 10, I was so bored, I really got nothing to do, I saw my sister emira sleeping with her mouth open, so out of boredom I put a lemon in her mouth to see what will happen.

Officer: Why are you telling me this?! 

Edric: you said you wanted to hear everything!!

Edric: one time I wanted to try and eat snow and keep a pet bat

Edric: I never got to...

* * *

Luz: Can you not stand so close? you’re making me claustrophobic.

Amity: What’s claustrophobic?

Emira: It means she’s afraid of Santa Claus.

Luz: No it doesn-

Edric: HO HO HO!

Amity: STOP IT EDRIC, YOU’RE SCARING HER!

* * *

Edric: Hey, Amity. Amity, hey, hey, Amity.

Amity: What?!

Edric: Cupcakes are just fancy muffins.

Amity:

Amity: I hate you.


	6. Guess I'm not single now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHAT! I GOT A GIRLFRIEND!

Edric: hey mittens?

Amity: Yes?

Edric: Can a human breathe while a washing machine is on?

Amity:

Amity: Where is Luz?

* * *

Eda: So What are all of your roles in this little group of yours?

Luz: I do most of the exploration

Willow: gus and I do the research

Amity: I make good decisions

Eda:

Eda: That's not really-

Luz: No, trust us, she's our most important member.

* * *

Boscha: Every time I look into your eyes I see something beautiful.

Willow, blushing: What?

Boscha: My reflection.

* * *

Amity: This tea taste quite exquisite and exotic. What is it called?

Luz, who panicked when Amity said she was coming over: I call is boiled Gatorade

* * *

Luz: oh yea at school people made fun of me a lot for liking weird things and having weird arts and crafts projects. im kinda happy you guys arent like that but also scared because i dont want to disappoint you all. i kinda feel like ive disappointed everyone else, yknow??

Amity:

Amity, crying: principal bump I would like to form a luz appreciation club

* * *

Amity: you can't spell ‘dumb’ without ‘u’

Luz: and you can’t spell ‘mosquito’ without ‘q’!

Amity: what does that even mean.

Luz: nothing I'm just pointing it out

* * *

Boscha; don’t worry I have a few knives up my sleeve

Luz: I think you mean cards

Amity: she did not

Boscha, pulling out knives: I did not

* * *

Amity: Have a sleepover they said.

Luz, from the kitchen: PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!

Edric: IT’S TOO BIG TO SMOTHER!! GET THE ANTI FLAMETHROWER!!

Emira: It’s called a fire extinguisher. A FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!

[Glass shatters, something explodes, screams in unision]

Amity: It’ll be fun they said.

* * *

Amity: What's the worst desicion you've ever made?

Luz: ...As in this week?

Edric: This day?

Luz: This hour?

Edric, with shirt partially on fire: This minute?

Amity: stOP ONE-UPPING EACH OTHER

* * *

[pulls in to McDonald’s drive thru]

Luz: Ok... Can we have 3 bro meals with 3 bro drinks and 3 bro nuggets

Drive-Thru Person: I don’t know what that means-

[later]

Edric: Yay! Thanks Bro!

[fistpump while in the background the McDonald’s is on fire]

* * *

Luz: I remember when I was 7 and late in elementary school id be like “my mom made me late” and my teacher would say some dumb shit like “it's your own responsibility to make sure you're here on time”

Luz: bro I was 7 years old tf you want me to do?? Drive the car??

* * *

Luz: I have many hidden talents

Amity: Like what?

Luz: I wouldn't know, they're hidden?

* * *

Amity answering the door: What are you doing here?! Five words or less!

Luz pauses, then, counting on her fingers: Here. To. See. You.........Babe?

* * *

Amity: [makes a gc between luz, boscha, and herself]

Amity, texting: luz I've always had a huge crush on you

Luz: cool but whys boscha here

Amity: shes here for moral support

Boscha: im here for you girl

Boscha: do your thing

* * *

[Luz and Amity exiting a theater after watching a fantasy movie]

Amity: That was horribly inaccurate, why did you spend money on that!

Random Kid: I like your witch outfit, but your nose and ears are all wrong [runs off]

Amity: AKDFIS THEY ARE NOT

* * *

Amity: [choking]

Luz: i'm trying to call 911 but the button 9 doesn't work!

Edric: just flip your phone upside down and use 6

Amity, stops choking for a second: what the fu-

* * *

Eda: i'm having a baby

Luz: congratu-

Eda, slamming adoption papers on the table: it's you, sign here

* * *

Amity: pretty sure Luz tried to choke me earlier, but she wasn’t very good at it. She wrapped her arms around my waist instead

Willow: I'm pretty sure she was just hugging you actually

Amity: what's a hug?

* * *

Edric: what if you hit your alarm clock one morning and it hits you back

Luz: that would be alarming

Amity: get out

* * *

Luz: did Amity just tell me she loved me for the first time?

Gus: yeah

Luz: and did I do finger guns back?

Gus: Yeah, you did

* * *

Luz: let's not fight. The stress is bad for the baby

Amity: what baby???

Luz: me

* * *

Luz: Toast is amazing. Who ever was eating bread one day and was like, “cook it again.” Wow. I feel that.

Edric: Bro-

Luz: I know bro-

Amity: Guys stfu I have a test in the morning.


	7. SHIPPING FUEL

Luz: I'm so happy right now I could kiss you

Amity, nervous gay laughter: Um...neat!

(later)

Amity, lying face down on her bed: I can't believe I said 'neat', Boscha. 'NEAT.' Nobody says neat anymore! It's the goddamm 21st century!! It's not neat to say neat, but I said it anyway because I'm such a Huge Loser!

Boscha, idly tapping on her phone: Hey, don't beat yourself up, Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what happened when Willow confessed to me?

Amity: Didn't you like, Thank her?

Boscha, Turning off her phone to stare at the ceiling: I Thanked her.

* * *

Luz: A apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough 

Matt: STOP FUCKING THROWING APPLES AT ME!!

Luz, chucking another apple: STAY BACK DEMON!

* * *

Edric: it's really muggy out today

Amity: if I go outside and all our mugs are on the front lawn, I'm going to kill you

Edric: [sips coffee from a bowl nervously]

* * *

Luz: [Sneezes]

Boscha: 

Luz: You're not even going say bless you?

Boscha: I'm sitting right here

Boscha: You've clearly been blessed

* * *

Luz: Do blind people have dreams?

Edric: Do deaf people hear their thoughts?

Amity: Do you two ever shut the fuck up

* * *

Luz: pspspspspsps

Amity, walking over: What the hell do you think I am a cat?

* * *

Luz: Hey Amity do you lift?

Amity: No?-

Luz: Because you lift my heart whenever you're around

Amity: You're [sniffles] so gross

* * *

Luz: wait, did you just flirt with me?

Amity: I have been for the past three months but thanks for noticing

* * *

Luz: love is dead, it never existed. All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread

Amity: are you okay??

Luz: EDRIC STOLE MY FUCKING SANDWICH

* * *

[Luz and Amity stuck in a closet]

Amity: open the door!

Luz: It's stuck. Well, guess we have to spend some quality time together.

Amity, gay panicking: HELP!!

* * *

Edric: hey mittens?

Amity: Yes?

Edric: Can a human breathe while a washing machine is on?

Amity:

Amity: Where is Luz?

* * *

Eda: So What are all of your roles in this little group of yours?

Luz: I do most of the exploration

Willow: Gus and I do the research

Amity: I make good decisions

Eda:

Eda: That's not really-

Luz: No, trust us, she's our most important member.

* * *

Luz: [Poking head through the kitchen door] I just discovered a neat trick! If you make brownies but don't cut them, you can eat the whole slab and say you only ate one brownie!

Amity, walking by and taking the brownies: Do not do this.

* * *

Luz to Amity: You look cute when you’re angry.

Amity: Ooh, you think I’m cute when I’m angry?

Amity: Well, get ready because I’m about to be gorgeous!

Luz:

* * *

Amity: You are supposed to bang your fist against mine.

Luz: What?

Amity: I'm told it is a widely accepted gesture of mutual success.

Luz: [Trying so hard not to laugh] You mean a fist bump?

* * *

Camilia: can I ask you a favor?

Eda: I would literally die for you, but continue

Camilia: we have got to talk about you starting sentences that way

* * *

Edric: Bro, there is nothing worse than hearing other bros attempt to sound smart by using lengthy words and misusing them.

Luz: Totally photosynthesize with you there, bro.

* * *

Judge: How do you plead?

Edric: [Looks at Amity]

Amity, mouthing: "Not guilty."

Edric: Hot milky.

Amity: Just lock him up.

* * *

Luz: Hey, babe, guess the number I'm thinking of.

Amity, sighing: 69

Luz: That's actually really immature and I wish you would take this seriously.

Amity: 420?

Luz, giggling: Yeah it was 420.

* * *

Boscha: hey, want me to do a tarot reading for you?

Willow: sure

Boscha: [laying down cards] alright, this one tells me you're a precious angel, this one says your smile is heavenly, and-

Willow: those aren't even tarot cards, they're photo cards of me

Boscha: my point still stands

* * *

Camilia: It’s hard being in charge here, but honestly I really love my daughter and my job and- 

Eda: CAMILIA! We tried to make mashed potatoes with the coffee machine and we accidentally broke everything!

Camilia: [inhales]

* * *

[Over the phone]

Amity: I put a little note in your bag to tell you that I love you

Luz: Mittens, this is a ten-page letter

* * *

Amity, answering her raven: What?

Luz: It's Luz.

Amity: Oh god. What did she do this time?

Luz: No, it's me, Luz.

Amity: What did you do this time

* * *

Boscha: 99.9% of this friend group is stupid.

Boscha: I’m the 1%

Amity: ... You mean the 0.1%

Boscha: Wait. Fuck.

* * *

Amity: It’s time to wake up, Luz.  
Luz: 5 more minutes…  
Amity, smiling softly: 5 more minutes [snuggles up to Luz]

* * *  
Camilia: It’s time to wake up.  
Eda: 5 more minutes…  
Camilia: [Sharpening knife] Maybe you misheard me

* * *

Luz: Hey Amity there's updog in here 

Amity: ???? What’s updog??

Luz [crying]: Holy shit it actually worked

Amity: Luz what is updog?????

Luz: I don't know whats up with you.

Amity: Luz that doesn't answer my question

* * *

Luz: My life has kind of gone downhill since I found out it wasn’t Zac Efron singing in High School Musical

Amity:

Edric: THE FUCK YOU MEAN IT WASNT ZAC EFRON SINGING--


	8. NOODLE IS AMITY AND LUZ'S SNAKE CHILD

[Emira, Amity and Luz sitting on a bench]  
Edric: why do you guys look so sad?

Luz: sit down with us so we can tell you

Edric: [sits down]

Emira: the bench is freshly painted

Edric:

* * *

Amity: here's your cereal

Luz: can I have a big spoon, please?

Amity: of course [delicately embraces her from behind]

Luz: lovely

* * *

Luz: Well King, what do you think of my book?

King: It would be better without the shipping.

Luz: (Gasp)

"Door Smash sound"

[Amity appears on the scene]

Amiry running to King and holding him by the collar: EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITH SHIPS, DON'T YOU DARE TO TELL ME THAT THEY DON'T MATTER

* * *

Amity: [Putting on chapstick]

Luz: What flavor is that?

Amity: Cherry.

Luz: Can I try some?

Amity: Yeah. [hands over the chapstick]

Luz: [kisses Amity] Holy shit, it does taste like Cherry!

Amity: **Amity.exe has stopped working**

* * *

Edric: Hey, another doughnut!

Amity: Don't you think you've had enough?

Edric:... Another doughnut! Extra sprinkles!

* * *

Edric: [bumps Amity into a wall]

Edric: HAHAHAHHAA!!

Amity: And what are you laughing at?

Edric: Umm, Chocolate milk!

Amity:.....?????

* * *

Edric: How’d the date go?

Amity: I wanted to compliment Luz, you know, tell her she had a wonderful smile and all that.

Emira: What happened?

Amity: She smiled at me and I said ’You have eyes’

* * *

Amity: Since I’m going out to the market for a while, I’ve left all of you a complimentary bowl of advice.

Amity, picking a piece of paper out of the bowl: For instance, “Edric/Luz, stop doing that” just applies to everything.

* * *

Gus: Good morning, gays. What wisdom do you bring today?

Amity: Time isn’t real

Boscha: Willow is cute

Luz: Pizza is good

Gus: Thank you, gays

* * *

Luz: [Hands Amity a baby snake]

Amity: What is this?

Luz: I got you a friend.

Amity, with heart eyes: I love them and I will give my life for theirs.

Luz: I’ve named him Noodle

Amity: I will die for Noodle.

* * *

Luz: Did you listen to the song I recommended to you?

Edric: Yes, it’s good music to eat potatoes to

Luz: I know right!

Amity: Wha-

* * *

Luz [waltzing into the boiling isles]: You!

The Blights: ???

Luz: Yes you guys. You're gonna love me and we're going to get ice cream now. [waltzes toward the market]

Emira:...? Are we... are we following them?

Edric: Amity can we keep them?

Amity: [Gay internal screaming] Yes.

* * *

Luz: I can't believe we're stuck in this forest together!

Amity: [burning the map] Truly unfortunate.

* * *

Amity: so luz just kissed you! that doesn't change anything

Amity: so the two of you just started dating! that doesn't change anything!

Amity: so you just proposed! that doesn't change anything!

Amity: so you two just got married!! That doesn't CHANGE ANYTHING!!

* * *

Amity: I think we’re lost.

Luz: We’re following the map, we can’t get lost!

Amity: But the map is upside down.

Luz: The earth is round, there is no up or down.

* * *

Luz: You’re stupid.

Boscha: PFFFFF that’s it?

Luz, glaring: Give it a while. It’ll eat at you.

[Later]

Boscha: Am I stupid?

Amity: A little.

Boscha: Damn her.

* * *

Amity, at a sleepover: Alright, new question everybody. What would you say is your biggest fear?

Boscha: Uh, well, I’m pretty arachnophobic.

Luz: YOU DON’T WANT SPIDERS TO GET MARRIED?!

Amity: Luz we talked about this.

* * *

Viney: Thanks for paying the bill for dinner, angel

Emira: But... I thought you did?

Viney:

Emira:

Viney: Well I guess we won’t be going to that place ever again

* * *

Coven guard: I’m pulling you over because you were trying to fit five people on a staff.

Luz, with Willow, Gus, Emira, and Amity behind her: Wait, five?!

Coven guard: Yeah, you, the small one, the green-haired ones and-

Luz: EDRIC FUCKING FELL OFF??!

* * *

Luz: I need a haircut.

Edric: I could do it.

Luz: Wow you can cut hair, Ed?

Edric: Sure! I cut Em’s hair all the time.

Emira: When do you cut my hair?

Edric: You take a lot of naps.

Emira: Well I love the style, thank you.

* * *

Luz, pre lost in languages: on GOD I'm not gonna hit you. ON GOD 

Amity: you're not gonna hit me? 

Luz: On God. 

Amity: you're not gonna touch me- 

Luz: Nope! 

Amity: you're gonna go home. 

Luz: on God. 

Amity: on God. 

Luz: on God. 

Amity:.. let go of her Boscha-

Luz, immediately throwing shit at Amity: BITCH I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD

* * *

Amity: Do I love Luz? Yes. Do I have loving feelings for Luz? Yes. Do I dream about kissing her? Yes! But am I in love with Luz-

Amity:

Amity: oh my god, I'm in love with Luz. why didn't you tell me?!

Abomination: ajfakfhajfhk

* * *

[Luz gets lost in a crowd]

Willow: oh no I think we lost Luz!

Amity: I've got an idea

Amity(putting her hands around her mouth): CUZ IT'S TOO COOOLD

Luz(screaming in the distance): FOR YOU HEREEEE

Amity: found her

Willow: wha the-


	9. Heart eyes!

Luz, reading a human textbook: Jellyfish have survived for 600,000 years without brains.

Amity: Ray of hope for Edric.

Edric:

[Later]

Edric: HEY!

* * *

Edric: I burned dinner

Amity: Why.

Edric: So we could go to the waffle house

Emira, whispering: Yesssssssss

* * *

Edric: We’re playing scrabble. It’s a nightmare.

Luz: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great.

Emira: Not when you’re playing with Amity, it’s not. 

Edric: She uses words like ‘iridescent’ and I put ‘pig’

* * *

Luz: Would you say you’re independent?

Edric:

Edric: [looks at Emira]

Emira: [nods]

Edric: Yeah I’d say so

* * *

Emira: You have a face

Viney: Yes, I do

Emira: I mean, a nice face. You have a nice face

Viney: Thanks.

Emira: Please accept my attempt at flirting. 

Viney: But it's cute to see you fumble.

Emira: [Chokes]

* * *

Boscha: I wasn’t that drunk

Amity: You called yourself ugly.

Boscha:

Amity:

Boscha: Oh my god…

* * *

[Eda as a detective]  
Eda: the victim is a caucasian male, around 180 pounds, 6'1". his body... has already turned into a ghost.

cop: ma'am, that's just the sheet we covered the body with.

-  
cop: he probably drowned-

Eda: looks like he died trying to drink this entire swimming pool.

cop:

cop: alright who tf gave this woman a badge

* * *

Emperor: Status report on the Human?

Amity: Target has been taken out.

Emperor: Very go-

Amity: It was a lovely restaurant. Candlelit dinner. She kissed my hand at the end.

* * *

Glasses Dad, trying to teach his kid the alphabet song: c'mon baby you can do it! A, B, C, D, E, F, G 

Baby Willow: A, D, E, C, G, F, B!

Strong Dad: yes girl, remix!!

* * *

Luz: What’s up? I’m back.

Amity, sobbing: I literally saw you die! You died! You were dead!

Luz: Death is a social construct.

* * *

Eda: [looks at Camilia] one taught me love

Eda: [looks at Lilith] one taught me patience

Eda: [looks at Luz eating a tide pod] one taught me kids are so fuckiNG STUPID LUZ NOCEDA PUT THAT THING DOWN RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME GOD-

* * *

Luz: Well, how do you usually cope with trauma?

Amity: The trick is to play your music louder than your thoughts

Luz: Amity, no-

* * *

Luz: If I could rearrange the alphabet, the first thing I’d do is put U and I together.

Amity: Luz, if you could rearrange the alphabet, the first thing you’d do is spell F A R T and then laugh about it for hours.

Luz: You got me there.

* * *

[Eda as a police officer]  
Eda driving around town: [through a megaphone] attention drug dealers! help your local police department and boost your small business by tipping off your competition!

-

Eda: [sees graffiti that says "fuck cops"]

Eda: [takes a selfie with it]

* * *

Amity: you like me

Luz: yeah I like you... FOR WEARING THAT DRESS HEYOOOOOOO

Amity: that’s not I wanted to hear-

* * *

Edric: I'm never going to use this math in the real world!

[Later that day]

Luz: Okay, we go on the count of three.

Edric, under his breath: Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.

* * *

Luz: Maybe the real adventure was the friends we made along the way.

Eda:

King:

Edric and Emira: Sounds valid but we need more context

Amity: I'm pretty sure that's grammatically incorrect.

Luz: :')

* * *

[Edric as a farmer]

Emira: isn't naming all your animals after famous rappers a little... childish?

Edric: how dare you say that in front of kendrick llama, chance the rabbit, childish lambino, beaky minaj, the notorious P.I.G, quacklemore, Dr. Neigh...

* * *

Luz: If I died, how much would you miss me?

Amity: It’s cute that you think death can get you out of this relationship.

* * *

Luz: I know you snuck out last night to see my mom, Eda.

Eda, internally: Play dumb!

Eda: Who’s Eda?

Eda, internally: Not that dumb!

* * *

Eda: Camilla, what in hell are you doing?

Camilla: [feeling Eda’s hair while mumbling] What the fuck this is so soft and smooth.

* * *

Boscha: i don't have a resting bitch face. my bitch face is always on duty, ever vigilant.

Boscha: my bitch face will rest when its work is done.

* * *

Luz: Dating is out of my league

Luz: [sees amity]

Amity: Hi Luz!

Luz: BARK BARK LOVE RUFF GRRRRRR

* * *

Willow: It’s a bird!

Gus: It’s A Plane!

Luz: [facepalm] Its Eda falling from the sky.... WAIT WHA-

* * *

Young Edric: My code name will be Potato and Emira will be potato 2.

Young Amity: And my code name will be Warrior!

Young Edric: No. You're potato 4.

Young Emira: What.. happened to potato 3..?

Young Edric: You don't wanna know.

* * *

Edric hold Noodle up: Come on, face your fears!

Emira, cowering on top of a table: BEGONE SATAN!!!!!

* * *

Teacher: Welcome to salsa class, lets get dancing!!!

Edric : [Sweating and holding a bag of tortilla chips] So I may have misunderstood-

* * *

Amity: They ask me how I manage my siblings so easily

Amity: The secret is, I don't. I have no control over them whatsoever. This morning Emira called my name and when I showed up to see what was going on Edric shot me in the throat with a "nerf gun" Luz gave him


	10. GROM! FEAR!

Luz: ok... let's do another rap

Amity: ok...

Luz: THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND-

* * *

Luz: If I learned one thing from Eda, is that I'll steal everything you have.

Amity: [thinking] Haha you won't steal my heart.

Luz: By the way, imperfection is beautiful.

Amity: [under her breath] **Fuck.**

* * *

Boscha: Hey Amity, do you like anyone?

Amity: Yeah but I've been dropping the most obvious hints for a couple of weeks now. No response.

Luz: Wow. They sound stupid

Amity: They’re not though. They’re actually super smart, just dense

Boscha, nudging her: Well maybe you have to be more obvious with them. Like, “Hey, I love you!”

Amity: you’re right. Hey Luz, I love you.

Luz: See! Just like that

Boscha, face-palming: Oh my fucking god

Luz: if they don’t get it after that then, sorry Amity but they’re too dumb for you.

Amity: Luz.

* * *

Amity: alright so what first?

Luz: step 1 find a girl you like

[amity holds luz’s hand]

Luz: oh that’s cool you like me. WAIT WHAT-

* * *

Amity: hey dumbass get over here

Edric: okay

Luz: COMING

Luz: [runs past Edric]

Edric: But I thought... I was dumbass...

* * *

Luz: I feel so alone without someone here to comfort me. I just wanna give the next person I see a hug!

amity walks by

Luz: [hugs amity] COMFORT ME

Amity, crying: CHOO CHOO-

* * *

Emira: I like bad girls

Viney: I don't use the safety strap of the wii remote

* * *

Willow: Ok Luz. Just try some light flirting, ya know? Be subtle.

Luz: Okay, I can do that!

[later]

Luz: Hey, Amity, high five!

Amity: [high-fives Luz]

Luz: [interlaces their fingers]

Luz: I'm in love with you.

Amity: [Panicked gay sputters]

* * *

Gus: So what's on your bucket list?

Willow: [pulls grocery list out of her bucket hat]

Willow: Some bread, eggs, apples-

* * *

Amity: NICE WEATHER

Luz: why are you screamin-

Amity: SCREAMING?? AHAAHAHAHAH IM NOT SCREAMING PFTTT

Luz: I know you like me

Amity: AHAHAHAHHAAHA- oh thank god I couldn’t keep that desperate girl that wants love cliche up anymore woo

* * *

Luz: You think you've got it all figured out, but you have no idea.

Amity: Whatever you're planning, it won't work. Also, that suit makes you look like a cute orchestra conductor. Here, wave this pen around.

Luz: Focus.

Amity: Right, we're fighting.

* * *

Luz: thank you for teaching me how to lie, Eda!

Eda: no problem, kid. next week: stealing!

Camilia: THAT is what you call a "bonding activity" Eda?!

* * *

Luz: Do you or do you not still have me saved as “Amitys cool human” in your phone

Edric: Your hair looks amazing today

Luz: Answer the question, Ed.

* * *

Amity: Are you alright, Ed?

Edric: Yeah, why do you ask?

Emira: Because we just watched you slide down a couple of stairs, lie on the floor for a minute, and then start singing the baby shark song.

* * *

Edric, reading an eye chart: E, H, 4, M, potato, coffee mug, smudge, middle finger, smudge, and the rest are all smudges.

Emira and Amity: Oh my God, you drove us here.

* * *

Amity: I'm gonna take you out.

Luz: Great, it's a date!

Amity: WHAT! NO! I meant that as a threat!

Luz: See you at six! Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

* * *

Edric: guys!! guys come here quick, hurry!

Emira: [runs into the room] what is it what happened!? are you okay!?

Edric: [eating cheetos with chopsticks] look! no messy fingers! i'm a genius.

* * *

Emira: You know what they say - where there's smoke, there's a fire.

Amity: And probably Luz and Edric.

* * *

willow; ask her to dance 

amity: im gonna ask her to dance!

Willow: you’re gonna march over there

amity: im gonna march over there!!

willow: and ask Luz Noceda to dance with you!

Amity: AND ASK LUZ NOCEDA T- Wait that’s her last name?

willow:

Willow: how did you not-

* * *

Luz: what does y e s spell

amity: yes

luz: what does e y e s spell

Amity: e-yes

Luz, laughing: what does E Y E S spell

Amity: e-yes!

luz, about to cry: what does e. y. e. s. Spell

amity, writing it down:

Amity: oh

Amity: eyes

Luz: HA-

* * *

Principal bump: raise your hand if you've ever felt personally victimized by Boscha.

Everyone, including the teachers: [raise their hands]

* * *

Principal Bump: I don't care how long it takes, I will keep you here all night.

Teacher: we cant keep them here past four

Principal Bump: I will keep you here until four.

* * *

Bosook: I just wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school. I wish that I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles and we'd all eat it and be happy.

Gus: SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE!

Bump: Do you go to this school?

Bosook: No, I just have a lot of feelings.

* * *

Willow: I'm so sorry Boscha, really. I don't know why I did it. It's probably because I've got a BIG, LESBIAN CRUSH ON YOU. SUCK ON THAT

Willow: [crowdsurfs on all the other students]

* * *

Amity: i wasn't that drunk last night

Boscha: you started flirting with luz

Amity: so? She's my girlfriend

Boscha: you asked her if she was single and cried when she said she wasn't


	11. Rare Pairs Go!

Willow: you know, Amity, i’m glad that we’re just keeping our anniversary simple this year.

Amity: haha, me too

Amity: [frantically waves off marching band]

* * *

Boscha: i’m going to fight the next person that insults my girlfriend

Luz: i hate myself

Boscha: ALRIGHT BABE SQUARE UP

* * *

Amity: do the thing

Willow: [genuinely smiles]

Amity [breathless]: oh my god…

* * *

Willow: okay, let’s picture Luz without her personality

Boscha:

Amity:

Boscha: woah, Luz might be kinda hot

Willow: oh my goddess, maybe

Amity: [dead]

* * *

Boscha: I giving subtle hints that I like her

Boscha: [Walks over to Luz]

Boscha: I can't stand you

* * *

Willow: You can't just set all your problems on fire!

Amity: You'd be surprised how many things are flammable

* * *

Luz: I’m Luz Noceda! And you are…?

Boscha: Not as straight as I thought, apparently.

* * *

Amity: Did you know that atoms don't touch each other? And since we are made of atoms, we've never touched anything in our entire lives?

Willow: ...

Amity: So to answer your question, no. I didn't punch Boscha for making fun of your glasses

* * *

[leaving for work]

Boscha: [tells her pet pixie goodbye]

Boscha: [spends 10 minutes hugging Luz before she leaves the house]

* * *

Amity: will u date me? breathe if it's a yes, recite the bible in japanese if it's a no

Willow: and then jesus said: "omae wa mou shindeirou" and moses answered: "nani!?"

* * *

Boscha: If anyone has a question, they can ask now.

Luz: Is S or the C is silent in Scent?

Boscha: C. Anyone else?

* * *

Boscha: This date is boring.

Luz: This isn’t a date. I told you I was going to the store.

Boscha: Then why did you invite me?

Luz: I specifically said “don’t come with me,” and you said “I can do whatever I want,” and followed me here.

* * *

Boscha: Why do I hang out with you?

Luz: Because you’re gay.

Boscha: Wait, what does that make you then?

Luz, grinning: Attractive.

* * *

Luz holding Boscha in her arms bridal style: I'm like a mug.

Boscha: ... explain?

Luz: I hold hot things.

Boscha:

Luz: ;)

* * *

Boscha: Good morning, cruel world.

Luz: Isn't it "good bye cruel world"?

Boscha: I mean, the world is cruel, but I'm still kicking!

* * *

Luz: I would die for you

Boscha: Then perish.

* * *

Luz, throwing her head into Boscha's lap and looking up: Boscha, tell me I'm pretty

Boscha, lovingly stroking her hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are

* * *

Boscha trying to tell a joke: What do you call a gay person burning

Luz: LGBBQ

Boscha, who's punchline wasn't as funny: Fuck you

* * *

Boscha, on a date with Luz: This is fun, we should have dinner again

Luz: No thanks, I'm full

Boscha: do you suffer from chronic dumbass disease?

* * *

Luz: [a large box in her arms]: what would you say if I came home one day with six puppies?

Boscha: what’s in the box

Luz:

Boscha: what’s in the box, Luz?

Luz: I think you know

* * *

Luz: I’m in love with a snake.

Boscha: Fitting seeing as I’m in love with a human-sized crow.

Luz: You said you wouldn’t bring that up unless I stole something shiny again! It was for Eda anyway!

* * *

Luz: listen here, pretty girl

Boscha: why is ‘pretty girl’ even considered an insult?

Luz: ...it’s-

Boscha: call me a pretty girl again

Luz:

Boscha: i want to be the prettiest girl you’ve ever had the privilege to see

* * *

Luz: [carves "L + B" into a tree]

Boscha: what a nerd

Boscha: [tears up] [adds "4ever"]

* * *

Willow: Being short is ok.

Amity: If the sky falls, tall people will be killed first.

* * *

Willow: i care about all my friends equally

Luz: we were all attacked earlier when you were away

Willow: IS AMITY OKAY?!

* * *

Amity: Before we go, just get it out.

Willow: What?

Amity: What you've been dying to say about my outfit.

Willow: Oh, just tell me what you want me to criticize and I'll do it. I just want you to be happy.

* * *

Boscha: Luz, i have a secret. do you promise not to tell anyone?

Luz: sure thing babe, what is it?

Boscha: [scoots closer, hovering lips over her ear]

Boscha: [kisses her cheek]

Luz:

Luz: but what was the secret]

* * *

Willow: i'm warning you Amity don't even try-

Amity: YOU ARE THE CUTEST WITCH

Willow: oh rEALLY? WELL YOU'RE THE MOST ADORABLE WITCH I'VE EVER LAID MY EYES ON

Amity: WHEN YOU POUT YOUR LIPS IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO NOT WANT TO KISS YOU

Willow: YOU LOOK LIKE A CUTE BABY BUNNY WHEN YOU SCRUNCH YOUR NOSE

Boscha: guys please, this "who's the cutest" fight doesn't even make sense.

Boscha: because it's obviously me.

Luz, hugging Boscha from behind: I totally agree


	12. Kawaii Desu

Boscha at a sleepover: Alright, listen up, you little shits.

Boscha, softer: Not you, Luz, you're an angel and I'm glad you're here.

* * *

Amity: I have a question.

Luz: Only if it’s important.

Amity: Do owls have eyelashes?

Luz:

Luz: ... EDA-

* * *

Viney: You know what they say, you can lead a horse to water-

Emira trying to look cool but forgetting the saying, nodding: But you can't drink the horse.

* * *

Luz: Fine, you win. We'll order in tonight, but tomorrow we're going grocery shopping and I'll cook for all of you!

Amity: That sounded like a threat...

* * *

Boscha, looking at Noodle: What a nice snake

Amity: Thanks, he’s a rescue snake

Boscha: who has he rescued?

Amity: ...Luz rescued him?

Boscha: so he’s a coward then

Amity: Boscha, no-

* * *

Luz: i've done a lot of dumb stuff

Emira: i witnessed the dumb stuff

Boscha: i recorded the dumb stuff

Edric: i joined you in the dumb stuff

Amity: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!

* * *

Boscha: I sensed tension and came as soon as I could.

* * *

Camila: did you just refer to the knife as a "people-opener"?

Eda: should i not have?

* * *

Edric: The fire extinguisher’s empty! GET THE HAIRSPRAY!!!

* * *

Luz: You need to understand that sarcasm will get you nowhere in life

Amity: It got me into Hexside 

Luz: Wait REALLY????

Amity: No you idiot

* * *

Boscha: You've been giving Luz a lot of attention lately

Amity: She was injured in Grudgeby! Of course I'd give her attention

Boscha: I was injured in that match too

Amity, glaring: Then you should go to a healer.

* * *

Edric, with his glasses on top of his head: I lose everything! I can’t even find my glasses!

Luz:

Luz: I’ll help you find them for twenty snails.

* * *

Amity, running in and closing the door: First of all, the fire wasn’t even that bad.

Luz:

Luz: excuse me what-

* * *

Boscha: I hate it here. I don't have a grom date.

Willow: Me neither.

Willow: Do you know what would be crazy? That Principal Bump paired us, haha jk jk ..... unless

* * *

Edric: Could you check under the bed for monsters

Amity: Monsters don't live under beds they live inside us all

Emira: Mittens do you need someone to talk to or-

* * *

Edric, hold a soda and mentos: You think this is a bad idea?

Luz: Without a doubt. 

Edric: Then why are you smiling.

Luz: Because bad ideas are my favorite kind.

* * *

Amity: wanna help with my wedding?

Luz: i didn’t know you were getting married! what should i do?

Amity: be my spouse

* * *

Edric: Ok so what exactly is the plan here

Luz: Save everyone and get home safely 

Amity: That's a wishlist.

* * *

Willow: When you first laid eyes on me, what went through your head?

Boscha: You’re the second most beautiful person I’ve ever met.

Willow: Awwh- Wait, second?

Boscha: The first being me, of course.

* * *

Boscha: You are the smartest, talented, most gorgeous witch I have ever seen. Nobody deserves you.

Willow: babe? What are you doing?

Boscha: [turning away from the mirror] Oh uh, nothing!

* * *

Luz: I have a concussion to make

Amity: Don’t you mean, confession?

Luz: No

Luz: [bangs head on the table]

* * *

Emira: How do Luz and Edric usually get out of these messes?

Amity: They don’t. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.


	13. Noodle Blight Noceda (He is a pet snake btw)

Principal Bump: you know it's against the emperor's coven rules that no pets are allowed to be in school? 

Luz, holding Noodle like a baby: What pet? 

Amity: DON'T YOU DARE CALL OUR SON A PET! HE IS OUR CHILD

Noodle, in his mind: KICK HIS ASS, WITCH MOTHER!

* * *

Luz: [fixing Noodle's bowtie] you look so cute! 

Noodle: [happily bleeps]

Amity: [taking pictures]

Amity: our son's first Grom night

* * *

Luz: Noodle of the bowl what is your wisdom 

Noodle: [happily bleeps]

Amity, nodding: That's a good wisdom

* * *

Emira: stay back [holding a stick]

Noodle: [wants a hug from Auntie Emira] bleep

Emira: STAY BACK, BITCH

* * *

Luz: [Staring at Amity asleep with Noodle cuddled around her neck]

Luz: It's beautiful, I've stared at it for five hours now.

* * *

Luz: [sleeping]

Noodle: [gives her human mother a kiss on the cheek before sleeping on her neck]

Amity, watching this whole time: oh my god

* * *

Amity: You're very small and weak. If anything bigger than a squirrel wanted to hurt you, you wouldn't stand much of a chance... Guess I'll have to protect you.

Noodle: [Bleep]

* * *

Amity: Luz and I are going shopping for Noodle's needs. I want you to babysit him until we get back

Emira: are you sure you're asking the right witch?

* * *

Amity: [leaves the room]

Noodle, thinking: Oh, I miss her so much.

Amity: [walks back it]

Noodle, thinking: Oh! She's back!

* * *

Eda: why did you pack your stuff?

Luz, holding her bag: I'm gonna live with Amity

Eda: why? 

Luz: I have a son

* * *

Amity petting Noodle: Soft, treasured, beautiful boy.

Noodle: [Bleep]

Amity: [petting intensifies] PRECIOUS BOY.

* * *

Luz: [hugging Amity from behind] good morning, honey

Amity, knows that they're not dating but she ain't complaining: good morning, sweetheart 

Noodle, thinking: my mothers are being gay again... I ain't complaining

* * *

Luz: Um, why are you here?

Boscha: Because we’re friends, and I wanna pet your snek.

Luz: We argue all the time.

Boscha: But... snek.

* * *

Amity: I want to see my little boy

Luz, with Noodle around her neck: Here he comes

Amity: Want to see my little boy!

* * *

Viney: [holding Noodle] ur such a cutie!

Noodle: [bleeps happily]

Emira: [glaring at Noodle]

* * *

Boscha: Whats worse than a heartbreak

Amity: Seeing Noodles face when I have to go to a different class then Luz and he thinks he'll never see me again. :'(


	14. LUMITY STANS RISE

Amity: i hope you have a good explanation for this

Edric: we have three actually

Luz: pick your favorite

* * *

Edric: you're smilling, did something good happened?

Amity: can't i just smile because i feel like it?

Emira: Boscha tripped and fell from the stairs

* * *

Luz: you should style your hair. I think a nice undercut will give you that "don't fuck with me" vibe, you know?

Amity: i mostly use my face for that

* * *

Luz: You've got something on your face

Luz: [Kisses Amity] Lol it was me

* * *

Luz: I wrote a poem, do you want to hear it?

Edric: Sure!

Luz: Roses are dead, love is fake, weddings are basically funerals with cake.

Edric:

Edric: Oh shit, that was your chocolate I ate before, wasn’t it.

Luz: this is why ur single, you cake stealer

* * *

Boscha: In Japan people say "ビープ音レタス" which means "your eyes are stars" and I think that's beautiful.

Amity: That’s amazing.

[later that day]

Luz: Why has Amity been saying “beep beep lettuce” in Japanese to me all day?

Willow: I have no idea.

* * *

Luz: [does something stupid]

Karen Blight, whispering to Amity: are you absolutely sure you want this one, dear? We can get you a better one.

Amity, sighs dreamily: I want that one, mother.

* * *

Luz: Okay I’m gonna fight grom.

Amity: are you sure, you’re not armed

Luz: i am

Amity: with what

Luz: with confidence

* * *

Luz, Edric, and Emira: [sneaking into the library at night]

Emira: Wait guys… [points at No Trespassing sign]

Luz: Oh no what should we do?

Edric: Well… Em, wait here. Then it’s only a dos passing not tres.

Luz:

Emira:

Luz: BRO, YOU ARE SO SMART!

Edric: THANKS, BRO!

Luz and Edric: [high fives]

Emira:

* * *

Amity, internally: i started this semester with only straight A's

Amity, looking at Luz: and now, i'm not even straight

* * *

Boscha: And here is my wall of inspirational women

Willow: Is that...just a picture of yourself?

Boscha: I'm big enough to admit that I often inspire myself.

* * *

Luz: Were you dropped on your head as a kid?

Amity: Bold of you to assume I was held

* * *

Edric: I read an article today about the dangers of eating sugary things and how it affects your body and it really freaked me out.

Emira: so that's it, really? You won't do it anymore?

Edric: absolutely. After today, no more reading.

* * *

Emira: [climbing a bookcase in the library]

Viney: Get down from there!

Emira: No!

Viney: I’ll get the librarian!

Emira: Go ahead, I’ll fight him!

Viney: If you get down I’ll give you a hug.

Emira: [immediately climbs down and throws herself at Viney]

Emira: I totally would have fought him.

Viney: I know.

* * *

Luz: I’m going to need everyone to be straight with each other from now on.

Amity: I’m always straight.

Boscha: Oh, man, that’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told.

* * *

Viney: Did it hurt?

Emira, blushing: When i fell from heav—?

Viney: When you fell on your face, I saw you fall on your face. Everyone saw.

* * *

Luz: I thought I would look mad smooth if I learned how to tango with a rose between my teeth and somehow made a terrible mistake because now I can't remember how to tango unless I have the rose.

* * *

Amity, internally: Okay, don't let her know how awkward you are.

Luz: Nice weather.

Amity, gay panic: Thanks.

* * *

Edric: Emira just texted me back “lmao” from the other room.

Edric: I hear no laughing.

Edric: I cant believe im related to a laugh liar.

* * *

Luz: [gets down on one knee]

Amity: it's finally happening

Luz: [ties shoelaces]

Amity, tearing up: she finally stopped wearing crocs

* * *

Willow: we all know you are in love with her

Amity: i'm not in love with Luz!

Willow: i never said who

Amity: you little-

* * *

Amity: Is Luz asleep on your shoulder?

Boscha: shhhh. Yes, it’s sweet

Amity: just half an hour ago you said she was annoying

Boscha: i changed my mind

* * *

Amity: LUZ DUCK

Luz: [Quacks before getting smacked by a Grudgby ball]

* * *

Eda: i'm so useless

Lilith: nah, you are not

Lilith: you can be used as a bad example

* * *

Edric: if Em and I are drowning, who would you save?

Amity: my time and effort

* * *

Boscha: When I first met the rest of your friends, I thought they were weird and annoying.

Amity: ...and?

Boscha:

Boscha: And they are.

* * *

Luz, unable to sleep: bro what time is it?

Edric, inevitably awake: i don't know bro, hand me the tuba

[Edric plays the tuba]

Amity: who the fUCK IS PLAYING THE TUBA AT 2 AM?!?!?!

Edric: it's 2 am

* * *

Luz: We should appreciate the small things in life.

Luz: [picks up Amity]

Luz: You are appreciated.

Amity: I get it! You think I'm short! Now put me down or I will kill you!

* * *

Luz: no, no, you misunderstood me. I’m not calling you “babe” as in short for “baby.” I’m calling you beyb as in short for beyblade. let it rip.

* * *

Amity: I’m lesbian.

Blight parents: Ok.

Emira: I’m also lesbian.

Blight parents: Does anyone like guys in this house.

Edric: I do

* * *

Luz: you are not my mom, you can't tell me what to do

Eda: that's where you're wrong kiddo. I just adopted you

* * *

Boscha: How petty can you get?

Amity: I once edited a wikipedia page to win an argument against Luz.


	15. STRAIGHT HAIR

Luz: [does something stupid]

Amity: how did i fall for you?!

Luz: because you're not very far from the ground, mittens

(A full minute later)

Amity: [realizes what she meant] that son of a-

* * *

Teacher, holding Luz by her hood: Who is responsible for them?

Willow: Oh jeez that’s me

* * *

Amity: Any extreme sport you’ve tried?

Luz: Doing my homework as the teacher is collecting it.

* * *

Amity & Luz: We have to search for our first child.

Noddle: Noodle.

Amity & Luz: We want that one.

* * *

Luz: when was the last time you slept?

Amity, holding her 13th cup of coffee: yes

* * *

Amity: Mufasa's death scene made me cry again.

Edric: It's okay, he's not a real horse it's a cartoon.

Amity: HORSE? A HORSE???

Edric: In my defense, I've never seen it.

Amity: IT'S CALLED LION KING, ED!

Edric: WELL HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO KNOW WHAT A LOIN IS????!!!

Amity: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT A HORSE IS BUT NOT A LION!

* * *

Luz: [hands Amity coffee]

Amity: i love you

Luz: aww, i love you t- wait... Are you talking to me or the coffee?

Amity:

Luz:

Amity: i can love more than one thing

* * *

[on a teacup ride]

Amity and Emira: [spinning calmly, talking]

Edric and Luz: [flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming]

* * *

Camilla: Sorry, but you're under arrest for robbery.

Eda: What did I steal?

Camilla: [trying not to cry] My heart.

* * *

Amity: i suppose i have a slight tendency to be a bit critical

Boscha: suppose?

Edric: slight?

Emira: tendency?

Willow: A BIT?!

* * *

Emira: okay, you’re driving down the road when you see Edric and Luz. What do you hit, the-

Amity: oh, definitely Edric. I could never hurt Luz

Emira: THE BRAKES! YOU HIT THE BREAKS!

Edric: WHY WOULD YOU HIT ME?!

Amity: I COULD NEVER HURT LUZ!

Edric: SO YOU HIT ME?!?!

* * *

Amity: [when she first meets Luz] AND I HATE YOU-

Luz, in her head: Enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst with happy ending, 300k+ words.

* * *

Amity: i got an anonymous love letter from Luz

Emira: that’s gre-wait... what?! How is it anonymous if-

Amity: there was a title that said “Anonymous Love Letter To Amity.” And then... she signed her name at the bottom.

Emira: marry her

* * *

Camila: i regret giving you that blender

Eda, drinking a sandwich: why?

* * *

Emira: did you buy eggs like i asked?

Edric: even better!!

Emira: ...what did you do?

Edric: [holds up a chicken] her name is Predator!

* * *

Eda: Ah, shit.  
Camilia: Watch your fucking language!


	16. Be Gay, Do Witch Craft

Amity: i'm 80% exhaustion, 10% sarcasm, 20% doesn't care

Boscha: that's a 110%

Amity: 20% doesn't care

Boscha: should've seen that coming

* * *

Amity: Hey luz i found these pens, aren't they cute

Luz: Amity, That's gay

Amity: Luz we've been dating for a month

* * *

Edric, Luz and Emira: [screaming]

Amity, comes running into the room: EM WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?

Edric and Luz: why you only ask her?

Amity: you two scream whenever you got the chance to do it

* * *

Amity: Luz... I have something important to tell you

Amity: i lo-

Boscha: [opens a soda]

Amity: can you not right now?! We're having a moment!

Boscha: and i'm having a soda

* * *

Amity: you can hug me 

Luz: how long?

Amity: four to five seconds

Luz: FOURTY-FIVE SECONDS?!?!?!

* * *

Willow, about Amity: Why is she so popular?

Luz: Tragic backstory, no training required.

* * *

Amity: I am 100% capable of controlling my emotions.

Emira: you cried yesterday for an hour because Luz smiled at you

Amity: yOU SHOULDVE SEEN IT, IT WAS SO WARM AND GENUINE

* * *

Luz: hey, why is Boscha crying on the floor?

Amity: she got drunk

Luz: and?

Amity: she saw a picture of Willow's girlfriend

Luz: but- but she's Willow's girlfriend

Amity: i know. I fucking know

* * *

Amity: Emira, I need you to talk me out of kissing Luz.

Emira: Yeah, sure, okay.

Amity: Because she's probably a good kisser...

Emira: You never know until you try.

Amity: emIRA-

* * *

Amity, opening the door to Luz's rooms: Hey so I need ask yo- HOLY SHIT!

Luz, surrounded by lamps: What?

Amity: It's never this bright in here! Why are there so many lights?

Luz, staring Amity in the eyes: I'm summoning Mothman.

* * *

Eda: my life isn't as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look

* * *

Amity: I'm a Lesbiab

Amity: Lesbiam

Amity: Less bean

Luz: It's ok take your time.

Amity: Girls? Yes.

* * *

Random student: are you one of the good guys?

Boscha: no, but i'm friends with them

* * *

Boscha: Ok, now lets get something straight-

Amity: [Nervous sweating]

* * *

Luz: can you look me straight in the eyes?

Amity: you can't expect me to look at those eyes and be straight at the same time

* * *

Edric: bro you look terrible, when did you go to bed?

Luz: i passed out at 11:30

Edric: ok that's not too bad-

Luz: then i woke up an hour later for a snack and played Mario Kart online until about 4:30 in the morning

Edric:

Luz:

Edric: YOU PLAYED MARIO KART WITHOUT ME?!

* * *

Boscha, in the groupchat: Height is a choice

Groupchat immediately: [several people are typing]

* * *

Luz, a barista: Here’s your coffee! Be careful though, it might be a little too sweet.

Amity: Why would it be too sweet?

Luz: Cause your name is on it 

Amity: … go out with me.

* * *

Boscha: …

Luz: …

Boscha: For the last time, we are NOT going to challenge people to duel at our wedding just because we proposed to each other with swords.

Luz: Then what’s the point???

* * *

Luz: [sees Noodle]

Luz: What a beautiful snek

Amity: what

Luz: So smooth, the cutest snek

Amity: Snake?

Luz: Snek

Amity: Snake

Luz: Snek

Amity: SNAKE

Luz: [grabs Amity and points at it]

Amity:... oh look a snek

Luz: [screams]

* * *

Luz: Hey, what’re you gonna be for Halloween?

Amity: Yours.

Luz: Really? I thought you were already mine?

* * *

Amity: Look me in the eyes and stay serious with me for a second.

Luz: [smiling and giggling] Your eyes are so beautiful.

Amity: [forcing themselves to stop smiling] nO!


	17. BRRRRR

Amity: I really like it when girls roll up their sleeves so you can see their forearms

Luz, looking down and realizing she only has two arms: :( ah man

* * *

Willow: Where’s Luz?

Amity: I don’t know a Luz.

Willow: What did she do this time?

Luz, hollering from the other room: I beat her at uno.

* * *

Luz: [petting Noodle with a huge smile]

Amity: Great, like I needed to get any more attracted to you...

Luz: What was that?

Amity: ANNOYED. ANNOYED BY YOU. THATS WHAT I SAID.

* * *

Viney: Are you ok? You’re tearing up a lot.

Emira, crying out of Viney’s pureness: Oh, I’m just allergic to angels.

Viney: How are you alive if you’re allergic to yourself?

Emira: [wheezes]

* * *

Viney: [Carrying Emira bridal-style and talking calmly to her]

Luz: [Sprints past them, being chased by a screeching demon while carrying Amity over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes]

* * *

Willow: I thought you wanted to take pics of the scenery? Why am I always in it?

Boscha: No photograph is beautiful without you in it. Now get in the frame.

* * *

Luz: [Getting ready to go to the market]

Amity: You’re going to go out and do something incredibly dangerous, aren't you?

Luz: As usual!

Amity: [Exasperated sigh as she gets up off of the sofa to follow her]

* * *

Amity: You know, I’m so thankful to have Luz in my life.

Edric: Aww, that’s sweet but, how so?

Amity: I never learned how to appreciate life until I saw Luz fight so hard to let me keep my life, with the cost that she had to lose hers.

Emira: Amity, it wasn’t your fault.

Amity: …If only I knew that sooner.

* * *

Luz: Hey Amity, Boscha told me you wanted to ask me something?

Amity: What? Uhm, no I don’t think so.

Boscha: [texts Amity] Ur, a lil bitch. Ask her out.

* * *

Willow: When were dating, we should get an apartment with two dogs and a cat, a couple of small houseplants and I’ll probably get some of those French fry pillows. What do you think?

Boscha: … babe, we're married.

Willow: But we haven’t got the houseplants yet.

Boscha: How about let’s just renew our wedding vows and I’ll vow to get houseplants.

* * *

Luz: I'm Bi and confused. 

Luz: Not about being Bi, I just have no idea what's going on half the time.

* * *

Amity: [pours milk in bowl] 

Amity: [pours cereal in bowl]

Luz: [standing up] I wanna break up.

* * *

Luz: Fuck.

Blight Siblings: **_[GASP]_**

Amity: [punches wall] WHO’S

Emira: [smashes a window] THE MOTHERFUCKER

Edric: [flips table] THAT MADE LUZ

Amity: [breaks through door] SAY A GODDAMN CURSE WORD!?

Luz: You tell me.

* * *

Camilia and Eda: [kissing]

Luz: [walks in and clears throat] Excuse me.

Camilia: Huh? O-oh...

Luz: Care to tell me what you two were doing?

Eda: I was taking some crumbs off Cami's lips.

Luz: With yours? Napkins exist too y'know.

Eda: Napkins are too overrated.

* * *

Amity: i'm straight! Very straight, so totally str-

Luz, already standing way too close and somehow also on fire: HI THERE

Amity: .... it appears i was wrong

* * *

luz: this is the desert.. count how much sand is here hooty, thats your mission.

Hooty; ok! 1.. 2... 3...

amity: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MAKE HIM DO THAT

luz: it passes the ti-

amity: ITS GONNA TAKE SO LONG. LUZ ITS GONNA BE SO ANNOYING. 

luz: im curious what the biggest number is.

amity: NO HES JUST GONNA BE COUNTING FOREVER.

luz: perhaps.. but-

hooty: [counting]

amity: LUZ WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. THIS IS YOUR FAULT.

hooty; there are 30 million sand particles in this desert

luz: see that was easy

amity: fuck- oh my god.

* * *

Willow: Come on you two! Talk to each other already!

Amity: After what they did? I don't think so.

Luz: Please, Amity? I said i'm sorry and I told you i'll make it up to ya!

Amity: I'VE BEEN SAVING THOSE M&M's SINCE THIS MORNING, LUZ!


	18. BARRRKKK BARRRRKKK

Amity: now my- now my whole day is ruined. i hope you're happy with yourself.

Luz: i am happy with myself! i have a positive mental attitude! 

Amity:

Amity: god i wish that were me

* * *

amity: listen luz, I'm gonna come out and just say to you because my brain's broken and my heart knows what it desires. Luz, you are the one.

luz: willow do you hear something?

* * *

Lilith: sir-

belos: I've been told to think about the ocean- when I'm stressed. and I'm looking at that. and I'm really stressed.

wrath: sir you're the emperor.

Belos: I'm just gonna go meditate- I'm gonna think of the ocean, bye guys I'm peacing out. I'll let you deal with this

Lilith: sir you're the RULER OF THIS KINGDOM YOU HAVE TO ACT

* * *

belos: how many times are you gonna run?! I've captured you like, 17 times!

eda:

eda: i feel like its gonna be atleast 18

* * *

Luz: Are you ok?

Amity: Yeah, why?

Luz: You literally have a sign that says, "2 Days Without Being Annoyed".

Amity, maintaining eye contact: [Changes it to zero]

* * *

Moon girl: look at this orb- inside you'll see the future. In the future, it seems like you'll kiss SEVEN BOYS. how lucky for you

amity: jokes on you! if you were a real oracle kid you'd know im gay!

* * *

Amity: Please tell me, what color is this shirt?

Boscha: Gray.

Willow: Gray.

Gus: Gray.

Emira: Gray.

Amity: Now, please tell them what you told me it was.

Edric: Dark white...

* * *

Eda: Why did you get detention Kid?

Luz: I hit matt in the face

Eda: 

Eda: I’m so proud

* * *

Camilia: [Braving the Boiling Isles when she learned Luz went there instead of Camp Reality Check]

Camilia: I'm going to find out if she's alright then I'm going to kill her.

* * *

Amity: I spy with my little eye someone who needs to shut up

Hooty: is it me?

Amity: it's always you

* * *

Amity: Luz, why are two breads in my Sand esculture?

Luz almost laughing: Well... because you are a.... Sand-Witch

Amity:

Luz:

Amity: Why i accept to go out with you?

* * *

Boscha: [Bullies Luz and friends]

Amity: So you have chosen, death.

* * *

young Eda: Oh, here’s my award for the most school rules broken!

young Lilith: Eda, that’s not an award. That’s an angry letter from Bump.

young Eda, hanging it up in her room: Well, it has the word ‘most’ in it, so I’m calling it an award.

* * *

Willow: Just ask Luz out already. The worst she can say is "no."

Amity: EXACTLY!!!

* * *

Matt: Remember me?

Luz: Are you questioning my memory or your relevance?

* * *

Obisp: And you, Luz, take Amity Blight as your future wife?

Luz: That's what friends do.

[Amity Almost crying]

Willow & ToH fandom: YOU'RE SO DENSE LUZ!!

* * *

Genie: I grant you three wish-

Amity: I want to immediately take your place

Genie: Really? 'cause i was trapped in there for ten thousand years of isolated slumber

Amity: I know

* * *

Amity: I think i have a crush on Luz...

Willow: Yeah, I know

Amity: WHAT?!

Willow: Wait, did you not?

* * *

Luz: will you be my light spell in the darkness?

Amity, unable to process this: gcvghfgchfcghg.....

* * *

Amity: play dumb!

Amity: Who’s Amity?

Amity: NOT THAT DUMB!

* * *

Luz, to Willow: You know that note Amity wrote a few weeks ago, asking her crush to Grom?

Willow:...yes?

Luz: Well, I think I've worked out who she was going to ask.

Willow: Oooh, that's what the pinboard and red string is for.

Luz: Anyway, by using my amazing detective skills-

Willow: By spying on Amity for a week,

Luz: By using my amazing detective skills, I took photos, wrote notes, did anything to gather evidence of people she could've asked to Grom. After eliminating all but one, all the evidence points to....

Willow: You?

Luz: You being the one she asked to Gro- wait what

Willow: Did you even consider that she asked you?

Luz: Wha- NO! There's no.... i've never had a crush like me ba- i mean theres no way that such an amazing, beautiful, pretty, aweso- uuurrrrgghhhhforgetitimjustgonnascreamintothetreesbye

* * *

Eda: Luz, remember you're one in a million.

Luz: That means there seven thousand of me in the world.

Eda: Find yourself.

King: Start an army.

Eda: Overthrow the Emperor's Coven!

* * *

Lilith: As much as I hate to admit it, you’ll make a good mother someday. 

Eda: Someday? I’m already a mom!

Lilith: Luz doesn’t count. 

Eda, slamming her hand on the table: Take that back!


	19. I'm gay

Lilith: swear words are illegal now, if you say one you'll be fined.

Amity: heck

Lilith: you're on thin fucking ice

Lilith:

Lilith: oh no

* * *

Camilia: [opening the front door] hey i'm ho—

Eda and Luz: [staring out the window]

Camilia:

Camilia: what are you guys doing?

Luz: the tv broke so we're watching a couple break up from across the street

Eda: ohhhhhh shit is she showing him screenshots?! oof my girl's got RECEIPTS!!!!

* * *

Amity: what do you like about being out in the rain?

Luz: [in Spanish] i try getting hit by lightning

Eda:

Camilia: [translating what Luz said] She thinks it's soothing...

* * *

Edric: I’m having one of those things… a headache with pictures.

Amity: What?

Emira: He's having an idea.

* * *

Amity, blushing: L-Luz... hi...

Boscha: Chin up, queen. Your crown is falling.

* * *

Luz: what do you like about being out in the rain in the human realm?

Amity: not getting boiled to death

* * *

website: create a password

Luz: [types "Amity"]

website: too short

Amity: [comes out of nowhere and snaps the computer in half] SAY THAT TO MY FACE YOU COWARD

* * *

Boscha: the next person to break my heart is getting pepper sprayed look bitch now we're both crying.

* * *

Luz: Does Boscha see in 3D?

Amity: You're so stupid. I love you.

* * *

Emira: You think Ed and I, both 16 years of age, are immature?

Amity: Yes, exactly.

Emira: Ed, what do you think?

Edric: Well, first of all, Mittens doesn't get to play in our pillow fort with that kind of attitude.

* * *

Luz: [crashes into a trash can and falls in like Marcy from Amphibia] aksjdfhalkhsjdf

Amity: [sighs dreamily and thinking about how Luz looked like a prince]

Boscha, passing by: Look who you fell off your throne for.

* * *

Luz: I like the idea of a romantic couple calling each other synonyms of clichè nicknames.

Luz: “Love bunny” is “affection rabbit”.

Luz: “Candied vascular system” is “sweetheart”.

Amity: Do baby girl.

Luz: “Infant woman.”

* * *

Eda, 10 years ago: i'm never going to lie to my kids ever.

Eda now: Luz, i just got off the phone with Santa, Leonardo from TMNT and the red power ranger and they all agree that if you don't put your shoes on they're gonna have to put down another unicorn

* * *

Boscha: [hugs Willow]

Willow: What are you doing? 

Boscha: Appreciating the little things in life. 

Willow: Bitch.

* * *

[At the zoo]  
Eda: so what are they in for?

Camilia: this isn’t a prison-

Eda: so they can leave?

Camilia: well, no but you see-

Eda, pointing at a penguin: I bet that one killed somebody

* * *

Amity: Bold of you to assume I’m not straight.

Fandom: Bold of you to assume that we ever thought you were.


	20. You are lit

Luz: Look, can I be frank with you guys?

Amity: Uh, yeah, sure, but I really don't understand how changing your name makes a difference?

Willow: Can I still be Willow?

Gus: And can I still be Gus? 

Amity: Shh, shh, let Frank speak!

Luz: [Deep sigh]

* * *

Boscha: I just don't get it Skara!! I hit on her (with a door), I called her cutie, I made sure no one could talk to her and steal her from me, I wore my best clothes when I talked to her in the bathroom, I even added ten more winks through the day!!! Why doesn't she ask me to date her?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Skara: Have you tried... Just talk to her?

Boscha: have I what now?

* * *

Viney, kneeling by a heavily injured Emira: Quick what's your type?

Emira, delirious from blood loss: Oh well brown hair, green eyes, fishhook earring--

Viney, withholding gay panic: Blood type you idiot--

Emira: B positive.

Viney: Now is not the time for looking at the brightside--oh...oh wait--

* * *

Amity: I have a crush on someone and I don't know how to tell them 

Luz: just straight up tell them how you feel

Amity: I love you

Luz: GREAT PRACTICE! NOW, GO GET THR LUCKY GIRL! 

Amity:

* * *

Sphinx: You must answer my questions...

Luz, who saw all mystery movies: jumping ahead bring it!!!!

Sphinx: what is the sound of silence?

Willow: Nothing?

Gus: That awkward moment when you don't remember the name of the person you are talking to?

Amity: My life before Luz came along and fixed everything up?

Willow and Gus: awww

Amity: OMW (oh my witch) Luz I didn't ...

Luz, not having heard and now with black sunglasses: hello darkness my old friend...

Sphinx, also using black sunglasses: I've come to talk with you again...

Luz: because a vision softly creeping left its seed while I was sleeping 

Amity/Willow/Gus: WTF?!?!?!?!?!

* * *

Luz: Guys! Amity is choking, what do I do?

Emira: Call 911!

Luz: I tried but the nine isn't working

Edric: Turn your phone upside down and use the six

Luz: Of course!

Amity: [stops choking to stare at them]

* * *

Willow: I knew you were bad at hiding crushes, but not this bad.

Amity: Excuse me I'm great at hiding who my crushes are.

Luz, walking up and waving: Hey guys, what's up?

Amity: I have to gay--I MEAN GO--

* * *

Luz: So, I hear you have a crush?

Amity, without thinking: The only crush I have is crushing anxiety.

* * *

Eda, in the beginning: Maternal gestures? Kids? Fucking disgusting--

Luz: Eda you're adopting Amity right?

Eda now: Bitch who says I haven't already.

* * *

Amity: I'm so fucking gay for you.

Luz: Aww I'm happy for you too.

Amity: [Internal gay screaming]

* * *

Amity: It's so beautiful out here.

Luz: Yeah, it's just me, you, and the Moon.

Moon: HEY! YOU TWO SHOULD KISS!!

* * *

willow: let’s play two truths in a lie! amity you go first! 

amity: uh- okay- um... I like luz, my favorite animal is a bunny, and... I love my parents

luz: ha! you don’t like me

willow, whispering: you love her

* * *

Willow: So... Flowers have meaning in the human world?

Luz: Yeah, I mean people give flowers to their special ones all the time

Willow: oh, have you ever received some?

Luz: Nah, people thought I was to weird for it... Id love to receive some thou

Amity, hearing it all and making arrangements to use her parents' money and buy a garden for the useless lesbian: and which flowers would those be?

* * *

Amity, gets down on one knee: Luz, will you marry me?

Luz: No

Amity: Oh 

Amity: [stands back up, dejected]

Luz, takes the ring and get down on one knee: Will you marry me?

Amity:

* * *

Amity, talking at a camera outside of the church and holding up a bible: Now you see, homosexuality is a sin--

[Amity catches sight of Luz walking by]

Amity calmly drops the bible, looking dead at the camera and says in a serious voice: --and today I am Satan.

* * *

Luz, introducing Amity to Camila: Mom, this is my girlfriend Amity.

Camila, relieved: Oh thank God I thought you'd be alone forever.

Luz: Mom!

Camila: I'm sorry mija but I know you. You're...a little dense.

Luz: I am not--

Amity: I took her out on dates for a whole month before she realized they were dates. I kissed her and she told me 'I didn't know we were best friends.'

* * *

Luz: What are your worst fears?

Edric: The inevitable loneliness I face every night before I sleep because I keep thinking about how the only ones who spend time with me willingly are either related to me or friends of those related to me. So I don't know if I have real friends or just a company that tolerates me until I am no longer worth it.

Luz: ...I feel kinda dumb now since mine was just drinking too much dairy bro are you okay--?

* * *

Amity: My crush is so dense. I once confessed to them and they said 'you're my best friend too.' 

Luz: Didn't I say that?

Amity: Yes.

Luz: Wow...great minds think alike. You should introduce us.

Amity, dying inside: "Just look in a mirror and you'll see them.

Luz: I didn't know we were that alike.

Amity: [Internal gay screaming intensifies]

* * *

Amity, staring deadpan into a camera with a microphone in hand: And here we have the endangered species known as Luz.

The camera points to Luz: [Trips on-air, spilling their potions everywhere] Oh shit oh fuck oh jeez-- 

Luz: [tries to clean it up, slips on the potions slide into a locker, the locker spits out the books on top of her]

Amity: Natural selection is coming for this specimen.

* * *

Amity managed to get a date with Luz and they are laying in the grass looking at the stars.

Luz: smiling and ranting about constellations in the human world and how she discovered the light glyph

Amity: looking at Luz you are so cute

Luz: you know who else is cute???

Amity: Blushing W...W-Who?

Luz: Willow.

* * *

Eda: Who broke it? I’m not mad, I just wanna know.

Gus: I did, I broke it

Eda: No, no you didn’t. King?

King: Don’t look at me, look at Willow!

Willow: What? I didn’t break it.

King: Huh. That’s weird. How did you even know it was broken?

Willow: Because it’s sitting right in front of us, and it’s broken.

King: Suspicious.

Willow: No it’s not!

Luz: If it matters, probably not, but Amity was the last one to use it.

Amity: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!

Luz: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Amity: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that Luz!

Gus: All right, let’s not fight. I broke it, let me pay for it, Eda.

Eda: No. Who broke it?

Luz: Eda… Boscha’s been awfully quiet.

Boscha: REALLY???

[everyone starts yelling]

Eda: I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it. I predict that ten minutes from now, they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.


	21. Cancel Lilith

Boscha: Wanna play a round of soccer like old times?

Amity: You know I've never been interested in sports after 9th grade--

Boscha: --Luz said she'd play.

Amity: --and my spark is back! Oh wow sports--

* * *

Edric: So, miss human, just how good are you at technology?

Luz: I have never put in a USB the wrong way

Edric: [gasps] holy shit

* * *

Amity: Today is gonna be a good day--

Amity: [Sees a spirit cheering in a school hallway]

[Later that day, Amity, talking to the Isles equivalent of fire fighters]

Isles firefighter: So you thought setting a spirit on fire would work?

Amity: It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Isles firefighter: You burned down the school.

Amity: Peace was never an option.

* * *

Luz: Bet I can scare you with math.

Edric: Bet. I'm not scared of math cause I can't do it!

Luz: Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Edric, already trembling: W-why?

Luz: 7 8 9.

Edric: Psh that won't haunt me every night before I go to sleep. 

[Later that night]

Edric, burning Amity's algebra notebook in the fireplace: You can't hurt me anymore...

* * *

Emira: Where'd my sweatpants go?

Edric, shuffling out of the kitchen in her pants: Don't know sorry--

Emira, noticing: GIVE THEM BACK YOU LITTLE HEATHEN!

Edric, running: I'M SORRY! THEY'RE SO COMFORTABLE AND THEY BRING OUT MY FIGURE!

Emira: YOU'RE NOT SORRY GIVE THEM BACK! I WILL SELL YOUR KNEECAPS TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER!

* * *

Edric: [finished eating a corn]

Edric: [Goes to open a door and throws the corncob outside]

Edric: Go BACK to The WILD! Be FREE!!

Emira:...

Emira: Why are you doing this, how am I even related to you.

* * *

Emira: Who snuck one of the stray cats inside?

Edric: You can't prove anything.

Emira, without breaking eye contact opening the bottom cabinet, the cat hops out meowing: Mhm. Mhm. How do you plea?

Edric, picking up the cat and running into his room: I PLEA VICTORY BITCH!

* * *

Luz, staring at a lit candle: You dare me to stick my hand in it?!

Amity, reading: No.

Luz: Imma do it.

Amity, deep sigh: Don't be like me. Why do you think I have a burn scar on my wrist? Stupidity. But I learned from it.

Luz: [Stares at the candle]

Amity, sighing again: Fucking fine. Do it.

Luz, shoving her hand in the candle: OW, REGRET REGRET--!

Amity, rolling her eyes and going back to reading and without looking: Edric get your hand away from that candle.

Edric: I wasn't doing anything!

Luz: LIAR! I SEE YOUR HAND GET AWAY FROM THE CANDLE!

Amity, sinking deeper into the chair and pulling the book closer: [More deep sighing]

* * *

Amity: [Eating a cinnamon roll]

Luz: Cannibalism.

Amity: [Confused and worried chewing noises]

* * *

Luz: Stick with me and I’ll only drag you guys down to the pits of hell!

Amity: You don't have to drag me

Amity: [glues herself to her side]

Amity: I'll gladly jump in with you!

* * *

[Fighting Demons]

Amity: I'm a bad bitch, you can't kill me!

Luz, stopping in her tracks: Was that a vine reference? Amity, making a VINE REFERENCE?????

* * *

Luz: you PUNCHED Boscha?!?!?!

Amity: in my defense, you didn’t hear what she said.

Luz: what did she say?

Amity: “what are you gonna do, hit me?”

Willow: I’m with amity on this one, that was practically an invitation

* * *

(In the blight house mansion having a party)

Mrs Blight, next to amity: To my brilliant Daughter...

Edric, standing next to Emira: So, NOT you

* * *

Eda: I have an idea

Luz: No murder. 

Eda: I have no ideas

* * *

[in a restaurant]

Server: What would you like to order?

Luz: Can I get a milkshake with two straws, please?

Amity: Aw, that’s so sweet-

Luz: Watch how fast I can drink this

* * *

Amity: You people are crazy.

Luz: I love how you say “you people” like you’re not a part of the group, well guess what? You’re already in the Christmas card bud


	22. Boom Boom Boom

Viney: What are you doing?

Emira, upsidedown, and clinging to a tree branch: My solution to my problems usually involves avoiding them.

Viney: So is that why you climbed up there as soon as you saw me?

Emira:...maybe?

Viney, wishing she wasn't attracted to idiots, whispering: God just ask me out already...

Emira: What'd you say? It's a bit high up here.

Viney: I said you're stupid!

* * *

Edric: [reading a fortune cookie message]

Edric: Family is a gift you receive every day 

Emira: [laughing in the background]

Amity: [laughing] so they're making sarcastic ones now?

* * *

Edric: You okay?

Emira, laying face down on the floor: I’m sad.

Edric: Damn, me too

Edric: No, wait. Hi sad, I’m Ed.

Edric: No, wait. What’s wrong?

* * *

Amity: so dumb guys go for dumb girls and smart guys go for dumb girls? What do the smart girls get?

Edric and Emira: [shrugging] Cats, mostly

* * *

Edric: Hey Mittens, Luz is in the pool and I don’t think she’s waterproof.

Amity: What?

Emira: I think he’s trying to say Luz is drowning.

Amity: Oh, okay.

Amity:

Amity: Wait-

* * *

Edric: Do you want sweet or salty?

Viney: I want it like her [pointing to Emira]

Edric: Sorry we do not have ugly people popcorn

* * *

Mr. Clawthorne: Whoever makes Lilith fall asleep will win 100 snails.

Young Eda, holding a frying pan: Where is she?

* * *

Luz: [holding papers] Have you been keeping blackmail files on us?

Eda: I’m not a blackmailer. If you tell anyone I am, I will release your secrets

* * *

Luz: I just got accepted into Harvard!!

Eda: Sorry but I’m disappointed in you. I didn’t raise my fake daughter to be such a nerd

* * *

Lilith: What happens if I press the accelerator and the break at the same time?

Eda: The car takes a screenshot.

Camilia: For the last time, get the fuck out.

* * *

Luz: [looking into first aid kit] Why the fuck is this filled with Cheetos

Eda: [bleeding out] I thought it would be funny at the time

* * *

Luz: I love you guys. This group is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Willow: We're the best thing that’s ever happened to you?

Luz: Yes.

Gus: Now I’m starting to feel a little sorry for you.

* * *

Eda: I swing both ways ;)

Eda: Violently. With a bat. Come get some motherfuckers

* * *

Willow: I'm worried about Amity.

Gus: Why?

Willow: She's been saying really weird things lately--

Amity, after dropping a pencil: God doesn't exist.

Willow:--yeah, like that.

Luz, who had introduced Amity to her worlds humor and hasn't told her friends about it: Yeah, pff, I'm so worried--

* * *

Camilia: Eda i really don't have time for this...

Eda: you have to, it's in your planner

Camilia: you can't just take my planner and write "EDA TIME" all over it!

Eda: sure i can. you're also scheduled for a long, warm hug later.

* * *

Luz: Why has no one caught you yet?

Eda: Dumb luck, in that I’m lucky they’re all so dumb

* * *

Luz: whose turn is it to give the pep-talk?

King, sighing: Eda's…

Eda: fuck shit up out there, but don’t die

Gus, wiping away a tear: inspirational

* * *

Amity: It feels like you’re being a little harsh. 

Boscha: Thanks, good note. I was going for extremely harsh. I’ll turn it up.

* * *

Emira, panicking, running into the kitchen: BRO i told Viney i'd make her dinner but i can't cook for shit, save me!

Edric, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: you've come to the right person!

* * *

Amity: Luz is so pretty...

Gus: You’re pretty too Amity!

Amity: I’m not being jealous Gus, I’m being gay

* * *

Luz: Just because you're trash doesn't mean you can't do great things. It's called garbage can, not garbage cannot.

* * *

Emira: Edric... eating mint ice cream is not the same as brushing your teeth.

Edric:...

Emira: How do you not have cavities?

* * *

Edric: [kicks the door open] LUZ

Luz, startled: jesus!

Edric: nah, just me. can you explain this meme?

Luz: how did you get into my house?!

Edric: the window. or as i like to call it: "the Ed door".

* * *

Willow: You should be a little nicer to me. 

Boscha: I am being nice. Have I stabbed you? No

* * *

Amity: Luz, could you turn on the lights?

Luz: I don’t need to, you’re the only light I need in my life

Amity: Wow, I-

Boscha: I CANT FUCKING SEE

* * *

Luz: Here you go, Eda A nice, hot cup of coffee!

Eda:

Eda: It's cold.

Luz: Nice cup of coffee

Eda: It taste bad

Luz: Cup of coffee

Eda: I'm not even sure this is coffee kid

Luz: Cup


	23. Left and Right

Person: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Boscha: Worshipped

* * *

[walking back to camp after scamming people]

Eda: Damn, we got a lot of stuff. 

King: This is awesome! We’re basically Robin Hood. We steal from the people and give to ourselves

* * *

Luz: did you know that the food you eat becomes energy??

Edric: [punches the air] boom! that's spaghetti.

Luz: [punches the air some more] boom nachos.

Emira: [jumps and kicks the air] and that's a cookie.

* * *

Willow: did you have a crush on someone back at the human realm?

Luz: yeah, her name is Zoey Williams (Human Amity). She's the whole package but when i confessed to her, she rejected me

Amity: [loads shotgun] address please

* * *

Amity, looks Emira in the eye: Viney.

Emira: [Turns into an immediate mess]

Edric: Pff, you can't break me--

Amity: Barcus will never let you pet him.

Edric: That--that didn't do shit--[breaks into sobs]

* * *

Boscha: Who has the braincell out of all of us?

Gus, about to shove his hand in a blender: Willow.

Luz, trying to do a handstand on the coffee table: Willow.

Amity, about to set something on fire: Willow.

Willow, sighing: Me.

Boscha, who was meditating and trying to see the future with her third eye: Yeah, Willow.

* * *

Luz: Here is your lemonade guys

Emira and Amity: thanks.

Edric: why is pink?

Luz: is pink lemonade!

Edric: do humans have pink lemons?

Luz: no, we dont.

Edric: so... What makes it pink?

Luz:

Luz: shut up Edric

* * *

Willow: Amity, Luz, and I have come to talk to you about a problem.

Luz: Yep! A good ole fashion intervention.

Amity: What do you mean? I'm fine.

Willow: I would normally trust your judgment, but you're not very good at...feelings.

Amity: Feelings? Sorry, don't know her.

Luz: This. This is what we're talking about. You need to talk to someone!

Amity: Who needs emotions when I can just eat ice cream and hope the coldness numbs me to my very soul until I don't feel for just a while longer?

* * *

Emira, holding a cup of coffee in Amity's face: Amity, what is this?

Amity: Coffee? Are you stupid?

Emira, looking at Edric: And you said this was...?

Edric, on day 14 of no sleep: Angry bean water that make me go zoom.

Amity: What the fuck--

Emira: Thank you--

Amity, who is on day 18 with no sleep: If you're gonna name it clearly it's anti-murder liquid make me go less homicide.

Edric, taking notes: Of course!

Emira, the only one who has slept: ...how the fuck am I related to you two?

* * *

Eda: [looks at Camilia] one taught me love

Eda: [looks at Lilith] one taught me patience

Eda: [looks at Luz, eating a tide pod] one taught me kids are so fuckiNG STUPID LUZ NOCEDA PUT THAT THING DOWN RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME GOD-

* * *

Amity: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!

Amity: [aggressively throws water bottles]

Luz: Uh....

Emira: She’s trying to yell mental health and well being into us. 

Amity: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!

Edric, crying: It’s working.

* * *

Amity: I have fallen for you

Luz: then get up

Amity:

* * *

Boscha: Sometimes I wonder why I wake up in the morning. You know? Like I open my eyes and just. Exist and junk. Responsibilities I didn't want or ask for are thrown at me and I know one day I will lose everything I love. I lost one of those things today.

Willow: ...are you okay--?

Boscha: I dropped my fucking ice cream nothing is okay!

* * *

Willow: You really have to learn to handle things without threatening people's lives.

Boscha: That was me not threatening their lives.

Willow: You said you'd turn them inside out and feed them to their loved ones.

Boscha: Well I didn't technically say I'd kill them so-


	24. Kimi no toriko

[Idol AU]  
Eda, as the boss: what the fuck are you doing

Luz, down on one knee in front of a fan she just met, about to pull a ring out of her pocket: fanservice

* * *

Eda: We won’t lose because we have this [points at chest]

Luz: We have a heart?

Eda: Heart? No. We have me. I’m pointing at myself. I’m going to win this for us

* * *

Gus: So how's your day been?

Willow singing with a strained smile: Supercalifragilistic-existential crisis~

* * *

Boscha: if you're arguing loudly on your phone in public, please put it on speaker. i need to know whose side i'm on.

* * *

Luz: what can I say? i'm charming and irresponsible.

Willow: you mean 'irresistible'?

Luz: no.

* * *

interrogator, after giving Boscha a truth potion: Now tell me your darkest, most forbidden secrets!

Boscha, tied up in a chair: Sometimes I hide Willow's glasses on purpose because I get to spend time alone with her looking for them.

Williow, also tied up: That's why I can't find them in class half the time?!

Boscha: I love watching Willow struggle to reach the top shelf. It always takes me a second to help because of how cute she looks.

Interrogator: ...you two are a cute couple.

Willow: ...we...aren't dating.

Boscha: I hope we are after this.

Willow, blushing: Well now I have a motivation to kill this guy.

Interrogator: Congratulations--wait what--

* * *

Emira: How many popsicles have you had today?

Edric lying in a pile of popsicle wrappers: "Now is not the time to talk about my flaws.

* * *

Eda: Where’s my fucking girlfriend?

Lilith: Sister, there are kids around. Say it nicer maybe?

Eda: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my fucking girlfriend?

* * *

Lilith: Why are you looking at me through a fork?

Luz: I’m pretending that you’re in jail.

Lilith: Why?

Luz: It’s spiritually healing.

* * *

Eda: [Kicking open the door] Make way everyone! Most beautiful woman in the Boiling Isles coming through!

Lilith: [Sighing] We get it you're pretty, but -

Camilia: [Is guided into the room by Eda]

Lilith: Oh my bad, carry on

* * *

Luz: Have you ever liked somebody so much that you just want to lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music and cry?

Amity:

Amity: no

Amity, alone in her room: aLl bYY mYYYSELFFFFF

* * *

Luz: Eda, meet my mom! 

Camilia: Thank you for taking care of my daughter-

Eda, moves a bit closer: are you single? 

Camilia: O///O

Luz: omg Eda wat

* * *

Eda: When I get murdered, make sure my case is unsolved. 

Luz: What?

Eda: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved. 

Luz: Let’s go back to the “when I get murdered” part.

* * *

Luz: You wanna see how hardcore I am?

Luz: [punches wall]

Luz: Take me to the hospital

* * *

Luz: I have an excellent gaydar, I can determine if a person is gay or not with just a glance.

Willow: Amity has been in love with you for years.

Luz: she what?

* * *

Luz: should we—

Amity: date? yes, absolutely, wonderful suggestion

Luz: what

Amity: what

* * *

Amity: She was poetry, but he couldn’t read.

Gus: His name was Jared, he was nineteen.

Boscha: When his parents built a very strange machine

Emira: Watch that scene, dig it the dancing queen!!

Edric: AAAAAAYYYYYY MACARENA!!!

Luz: um… good job, guys

* * *

Boscha: How does Luz get out of these messes?

Willow: She doesn’t. She just makes a bigger mess that cancels out the first one.

* * *

Boscha, when she first joined the friend group: You trust this woman? [Points at Luz]

Willow: We absolutely trust her.

Boscha: She’s not some kind of insanely weird and chaotic woman then?

Gus: We absolutely trust her.

* * *

Gus: And how was your date with Boscha?

Willow: She pushed in the pool and tried to get me to drown

Gus: What?!?! Why?!

Willow: She wanted to kiss

* * *

Luz: I want you to look me straight in the eyes when you say it.

Amity: You can’t have me look at those eyes and be straight.

* * *

Amity: So, I did something and I need your advice. I don’t want a lot of judgment or criticism though

Boscha: So you came to me?

* * *

Boscha: Do you take constructive criticism?

Amity: I only take cash or credit.

[meanwhile]

Luz: Do you take constructive criticism?

Amity, already in tears: Yeah, what is it?

* * *

Willow: How come you’ve been abnormally nice to me lately?

Boscha: What do you mean?

Willow: You just seem nicer than usual.

Boscha: I’ll punch you in the face if you want.

* * *

Lilith: Just so you know, if you end up in prison I’m not waiting for you.

Eda: You won’t have to. I’ll escape. We both know this.

* * *

Luz: Good. Thanks, mom. 

Luz:

Luz: Why is everyone staring at me?

Amity: You just called Eda “Mom”. You said, “Thanks mom”. 

Eda: Do you see me as a mother figure, Luz?

Luz: No, if anything I see you as a bother figure, ‘cause, ‘cause you’re always bothering me!

* * *

[while trapped in the room]

Eda: We need to get out of here real quick. Lily can you give me your credit card

Lilith, handing the card: Here you go

Eda, pocketing it: Nice. Luz you can now kick the door


	25. WOOOFF WOOOOFFF

Edric: How’s the girlfriend, Amity?

Amity: What girlfriend?

Emira: ... Luz?

Amity: Luz isn’t my girlfriend. She just picks me up from school sometimes and takes me out to dinner. Sometimes she brings me coffee when I’m up late studying. Her moms are super nice and her stepmom even showed me embarrassing pictures of her when she was a little baby... WHY DID NONE OF YOU TELL ME I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?!

* * *

Principal Bump: What do we call breaking the Hexside rules?

Young Eda: A hobby. 

Principal Bump:

Young Eda: That I do not engage in

* * *

Eda: It’s nice to be wanted, you know?

Luz: [slams table] NOT BY THE LAW

* * *

Luz: I’m writing an autobiography, any suggestions?

Boscha: Kill the main character

* * *

Lilith: Rules were not made to be broken. Nothing is made to be broken!

Gus: Glowsticks

Luz: Piñatas

Willow: Karate boards

Amity: Spaghetti when you have a small pot

Eda: Rules

* * *

Edric & Emira: We dare you to make out with the next person that enters the room. 

Amity: No way i’m doing that, that’s ridiculous

[Luz enters the room]

Amity: I’ll do it. I’ll do the dare. Rules are rules

* * *

Boscha: breathe if you'd date me!

Willow:

Boscha:

Willow, face turning blue:

Boscha:

Boscha: oh, come ON! I'M NOT THAT BAD.

* * *

Luz: What does coffee taste like?

Amity: Unfortunately, not as good as it smells

Luz: Ohhhh, so like shampoo

* * *

Boscha: only geniuses can say eye yam stew peed without stuttering.

Amity: come on, no one's gonna fall for that.

Luz: IAMSTUPID

* * *

Luz: [drops mug] fuck.

[crashes and banging from the other side of the dorm]

Luz: oh no. . .

[Eda crashes through the door]

Eda: wHAT THE FRICK FRACK TICK TACK PATTY WACK SNICK SNACK QUARTERBACK BIG MAC HEART ATTACK RACE TRACK DOUBLE BACK GUY NAMED JACK DID YOU JUST SAY?!?!?!

* * *

Amity: You must have heard of the story of the wailing ghost?

Luz: You’re forgetting that I’m from the human world. I didn’t hear stuff like that when I was little. I heard snow white and cinderella and-

Amity: What’s that, an illness?

* * *

Lilith: What is your biggest weakness? 

Eda: I can be uncooperative 

Lilith: Okay, can you give me an example?

Eda: No

* * *

Eda, after going over the new house rules: And if anyone has any suggestions, please put them in the suggestion box by the door. 

Lilith: But, that’s a trash can-

Eda: Exactly

* * *

Eda, trying out cheesy pick up lines: i guess you could say i've. . . fallen for you [winks]

Camilia, blinking: you literally just rolled down an entire flight of stairs to prove a point how are you alive —

* * *

Luz: I guess i’m just too tough to cry

Amity: Earlier today you were crying about snakes

Luz: [tearing up] they don’t have any arms

* * *

Hexside: [exists]

Eda: they ask you how you are and you just have to say that you're fine when you're not really fine but you just can't get into it because they would never understand —

* * *

Edric and Emira: Were we adopted?

Mr. Blight: No, why the fuck would I choose you two

* * *

Amity: Okay guys, Luz is coming over today, and I need you to promise me you’ll be on your best behavior. 

Edric: Um yeah mittens but we already promised other people we’d be on our worst behavior... and we gave them our word so...

* * *

Amity: Luz is coming over, please don't embarrass me!!

Emira, wearing a flamenco suit and tunning a laud: how dare you?

Edric, in a zebra swimsuit over a melon pink bodysuit with four kazus in each hand and a tiara: we would never mittens!! Emira, have you seen my velvet boots?

* * *

Luz: any cute things to call your girlfriend?

Boscha: sugar.

Eda: honey.

Emira: flour.

Boscha: egg.

Eda: 1/2 lb butter.

Emira: stir.

Boscha: pour into a pan.

Eda: preheat to three fifty degrees.

Luz, packing her bag: so, the portal to the human realm is in Eda's room. i'll just come back next year—

* * *

Luz: How are you feeling?

Amity: Gay probably.

Luz: What--

Amity: Homosexual likely. Oh, oh, non-straight maybe--

Luz:...okay Emira how much sleep has she been getting?

Emira: Pretty sure I saw her and Edric having a deep conversation with a wall. Edric even cried. So to answer your question: none.

Amity: Lesbian possibility--

Luz: Are we going to stop her?

Emira: N'aw.

* * *

Karen Blight: Amity dear, I've found you a remarkable young man to date

Amity, holding Luz's hand and coming back from the Emperor's coven raid with Lilith and Eda: Nah, I'm good.

Karen Blight: What? No, no, then, Emira dear, would you talk to him?

Emira in the middle of cuddling with Viney: No, sorry mother, I think I'm good.

Karen Blight: Well, i can't just send him away, someone haves to meet him!

Edric: I will.

Karen Blight: But I thought you were straight!!!

Edric, with sunglasses and boot with heals: The only straight I am is a Straight up bitch mother!!

* * *

Everyone: [singing happy birthday to Boscha]

Boscha: it was a bit pitchy but i’ll let it slide

Willow: and you’re a bit bitchy but we never say it out loud because we’re nice people

Boscha: fair enough

* * *

Eda: i hate being touched. i hate human contact.

Eda: the last time i touched someone was 4 years ago when i punched them.

Luz: you're literally sitting on my mom's lap.

Eda: this means nothing.

* * *

Boscha: When I was 7 I had a crush on a girl in my school and didn’t know how to deal with it, so I wrote her a letter that just said “get out of my school”.

Willow: That was YOU?!

* * *

Luz and Amity, crying: The Azura Book was canceled!

Eda, reading a shotgun: and what do you want me to do?

Lilith with a spear and five knives: Kill the author?

* * *

Edric: Mittens, tell him

Amity: I'm gay

Mr Blight: Oh

Edric: I'm gay

Mr Blight: Oh...

Amity: Emira's gay

Emira: [Sighing] Bi

Amity: Oh sorry, she's bi

Emira: [Walking towards the door] No I'm going to Viney's house for the day. I'm gay


	26. Doki Doki ASKLDJASKL

Willow: [hits her head and falls to the ground]

Gus: WILLOW’S DOWN! I REPEAT, WILLOW'SDOWN!

Luz: QUICK! CALL 911!

Amity: [panicking] WHAT’S THEIR NUMBER?!

Gus:

Luz:

Willow: [wakes up] bitch

* * *

Amity: You know, people say that Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth, but they’re wrong, ‘cause they’ve never been in Luz’s arms.

Willow: Of course we haven’t been in Luz’s arms, she’s terrifying.

Boscha: One time I accidentally bumped into her in the kitchen, and she pulled out a switchblade.

* * *

Emira: for self-defense reasons, i’m going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely

Amity: okay

Edric: sure

Emira: if you want to live give me all your money

Edric: bold of you to assume that i have money

Amity: bold of you to assume i want to live

Emira:

* * *

Amity: [sitting down at a table in hexside]

Boscha: [walks up to her and taps her on the shoulder]

Amity: [spins around and slaps Boscha]

Boscha: Oww! That hurt, why did you do that?

Amity: Im sorry? but that felt good 

Boscha: What is wrong with you!?!

* * *

Luz: [sighs]

Luz: Amity. Now that we're alone, there's something I need to tell you.

Amity: Luz, you can tell me anything.

Amity, thinking: Please be a vampire. Please be a vampire.

* * *

Belos: Ew. Is that a fucking gremlin?

Luz: no, I'm a human

Belos: whatever just no one feed that fucking thing after midnight

* * *

Interviewer: Tell us something you love

Luz: Easy, magic

Interviewer: good, now something you hate

Luz: the milk, since I'm lactose intolerant (don't how to say it)

Interviewer: then, what if there was incredible magic, that involved milk?

Luz: easy I..... I....

Luz:.............

Luz: Can I go to the bathroom?

* * *

Eda: Come, come, can I interest you in some real human sheeded skin?

Amity, in a disguise: Do you take credit?

Eda, smiling: sure, what do you want?

Amity: all the stand.

Eda:......

Eda:......

Eda: sorry, come again?

Amity: All. The. Stand.

Eda: Now, here kid...

Amity, placing a bag of gold in front of Eda: Did I f*cking stuttered?

* * *

Gus: If you take one more crack at me, I am gonna . . . Do something to you!

Boscha: Oh yeah Gus? What're you gonna do?

Gus: pause I'm gonna- kick your- head!

Boscha: Oh. My head?

Gus: [nervous pause] 

Gus: yeah!

Boscha: Not my ass?

Gus: Yeah!

* * *

Boscha: I don't get it, am I not being clear enough?

Amity: About what?

Boscha: I've been flirting with Willow for weeks.

Amity: How?

Boscha: Well--

Boscha: [sees Willow]

Boscha: --here I'll show you 

Boscha: [runs over to Willow] Hey plant nerd!

Willow: What do you want now--

Boscha, winking, and finger guns: Get out of my school.

Willow:

Amity: [Sighs]

* * *

Edric: what do you like in a girl? 

Luz: I like a girl who loves me for who I am

Edric: and who do you think that can be? 

Luz: Willow

Amity: [crying]

* * *

Edric, watching a spider slowly crawl out from the tub: The passage of time is an inevitable and inescapable force that ushers us closer to death with a gentle, cold hand.

Emira: Just fucking pick up the spider and throw it out the window, Ed!

Edric: I WILL NOT LET IT WIN EMIRA, I WILL NOT CONCEDE!

Emira: GET IT OUT OF THE SHOWER ALREADY, I HAVE TO TAKE ONE TOO!

* * *

Boscha: I can't believe you of all people agreed to go to the gym with me.

Willow: Of all people? I go all the time!

Boscha: I don't believe--

Willow: [Takes off shirt to reveal the sleeveless undershirt she wears, showing toned and muscled arms]

Boscha, choking: --holy shit I'm gay.

Willow: What was that?

Boscha: Please tell me you exercise in shorts too.

Willow: What?

Boscha: What?

* * *

Dana: what are good responses to being stabbed with a knife?

Boscha: “Rude.”

Lilith: “That’s fair.”

Luz: “Not again.”

Amity: “That better not leave a scar.”

Edric: “Excuse me. I’m really sorry but it looks like I got in the way of your knife.”

Eda: “Are you going to want this back?”

* * *

Edric: Stop it! Do you want me to never talk to you again?!

Emira:

Amity:

Edric: ...What?

Amity: Hang on, we're considering.

* * *

[Emira, Edric, and Amity stare at the Blight manor burning to the ground]

Amity: Did we forget to tell anyone else to get out?

Edric: Our parents.

Emira: Anyone important?

Edric & Amity: No.

* * *

Luz: I relate to Belle because she loves to read books and loves people for their souls.

Boscha: I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she dies.

* * *

Willow: I don't know if I want to kiss you or shove you off of a bridge.

Boscha: Can I pick?

* * *

Edric: Have you ever thought about how Belle from Beauty and the Beast was a furry?

Emira: No but I hate how much I am now.

* * *

Amity: I have a plan

Willow: Great, we are saved!!!

Amity: It involves fire

Willow: Absolutely no

* * *

[3 am]  
Emira: do u think birds get sad because they don’t have arms?

Edric: do you get sad because you don’t have wings?

Emira, choked up: every day

Ed and Em: if my wINGS COULD FLYYY~~

Amity: I’M TRYING TO SLEEP FOR FUCKS SAKE


	27. AMITY IS LESBIAN CANON

Edric: I bet you can’t make a sentence without using the letter ‘A’

Amity: You thought you just did something, didn’t you? Well sorry to burst your bubble but numerous sentences could be constructed without employing the first letter of the English lexicon.

Edric:

Luz:

Luz and Edric: Whot the fuck

* * *

Eda: [Is about to do the dishes]

Camilla: Can you do the dishes?

Eda: Well now I don't fucking want to

* * *

Boscha: baby girl, why do good people die young?

Willow: when you’re in a garden, which flowers do you pick?

Boscha: the ugly ones

Willow: exact- wait, what? why?

Boscha: because ugly bitches don’t belong in my garden

* * *

Emira: Looking back at old cartoons is terrifying.

Amity: Wasn't Bugs Bunny's whole thing avoiding murder?

Emira: Exactly! Children were laughing at a bunny constantly on the run from death!

Amity: I mean it is hilarious to watch people avoid getting killed.

Emira: You're thinking of Boscha avoiding death by Willow aren't you.

Amity: I might be.

* * *

Edric, still up at 3AM: If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of the chickens, you are a chicken tender.

Emira, eyes wide, staring at the ceiling: ...

* * *

Luz: Knock knock.

Amity: Who's at the door?

Luz: No, you're supposed to say 'who's there?'.

Amity: Who's there?

Luz: Interrupting cow!

Amity:...what's a cow

* * *

[Eda enters the kitchen to find Luz sobbing in the middle of the floor]

Luz: Life is meaningless. I feel nothing. I'm not strong enough to go on--

Eda, sighing: What fanfiction got put on hiatus this time?

* * *

Luz, after meeting Amity: So you're the rival character I may or may or may not have unresolved romantic tension with.

Amity, closeted fanfiction writer/reader: You're the annoying bubbly character I hate but then are head over heels for in about 20k words from now.

Luz: Slow burn?

Amity: Slowburn. Hold your hand in 50k words?

Luz, nodding: And then I kiss you in about 100k.

Amity:...can we make this a fastburn--?

Luz: Oh please yes.

* * *

Camilla: Do I want to know what happened here?

[Eda holding Luz above her head about to throw her out the window while the house is both trashed, the kitchen on fire in the background]

Eda & Luz: No.

Camila, inhaling and clapping her hands together: I am going to take a nap. And you have until then to clean up. Or else?

Eda, drops Luz and salutes: Yes ma'am!

Luz: Hah, whipped--

Camila: Mija, I will find my flip flops just for you right here and now--

Luz, frantically trying to put out the kitchen fire: HAHA CLEANING NOW GO NAP MOM LOVE YOU!

* * *

Amity: Whoever I date must be dignified, powerful, intelligent--

Luz: Amity! Look what I can do! [Shoves an entire hot pocket in her mouth at once]

Amity: --that one. I want that one.

* * *

Emira: I hate getting dirty. Just. Ew. Dirt, mud, animals are--

Viney, bursting into the room covered in mud: Who wants to help me give Puddles a bath!

Edric: I will--

Emira, shoving Edric out the way: ME! EVERYONE ELSE FUCK OFF!

* * *

[Edric, laying his head on Emira's lap and crying, Amity comes in]

Amity: Why is he crying now?

Emira: Someone told him he looked fat in his dress.

Amity:

Amity: Address of this person?

Emira: Being nuked as we speak.

* * *

Luz:

Amity's heterosexuality: Why do I hear boss music?

* * *

Hooty: Good morning!

King: Good morning!

Lilith: Good morning!

Luz: You all sound like robots, why don't you spice it up a bit?

Eda: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

* * *

Karen Blight: Let me get this straight.

Luz: More like let me run this bi you

Emira: Let’s see how this pans out.

Amity: Lesbi honest with each other.

Edric: I’m gay.

* * *

Amity: So oxygen went on a date with potassium. It went OK.

Willow: I thought oxygen was dating magnesium. omg.

Gus: Actually, oxygen asked nitrogen out first, but nitrogen was like “NO”.

Amity: I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins?

Willow: Looks like someone’s a HO.

Luz: NaBrO!

Boscha: I’m done with all of you.

* * *

Eda, before really small problems: Listen you, I'm not the mother of any of you!

Luz: Hey Mom, can I use owlbert to go check on Amity?

Eda: Yeah, sure, but be back before nightfall

Willow: Hey mom, can Gus and I go to this super creepy movie presentation on the night market?

Eda: Be safe, take a sweater and bring King, he can pay for the tickets, also, don't talk to strangers, I want you all safe and sound here at midnight at most!!

Eda:

Eda, taking a deep breath: Now listen....!

* * *

The Boiling Isles beauty competition

Amity: I didn't know Emira had entered...

Emira, from behind Amity: Oh I didn't

Amity: What? then who's on stage?!

Emira: Edric

Edric, with heels and body fitting black nightdress and the most perfect makeup ever and a super awesome hairstyle: WHERE IN TEH RULES SAYS THAT A MAN CAN'T BE BEAUTIFUL?!?!

* * *

Luz: Sometimes I feel like dying.

Amity: Wha-

Luz: But then I remember I won't be able to see you again if I do.

Amity, blushing: AKSHDSKALHD

[Meanwhile]

Boscha: Sometimes I feel like dying.

Willow: Good for you.


	28. Light it up like Dynamite!

Luz: Amity, you deserve an award for putting up with me.

Amity: You are my award, Luz.

[meanwhile]

Boscha: Willow, You deserve an award for putting up with me.

Willow: Yeah, you’re a real bitch sometimes

* * *

Emira: Beauty is in the eye of those who see it.

Emira: But if you say Viney isn’t beautiful I will be forced to correct your vision.

* * *

Willow: Guys, Guys, please, we can talk this out, violence is never the answer!!!

Willow after someone hurt Luz: So, you've chosen death, bitch, PEACE WAS NEVER AN OPTION!!!

* * *

Boscha: Willow, who do you think is hotter, me or the sun?

Willow: The sun.

Boscha: Okay let me rephrase it, who do you think is hotter, me, you're amazingly fit girlfriend who may or may not give you kisses today depending on your answer, or the sun?

Willow: The sun.

* * *

Viney: I don't really think I look too much into presents, the intention is what it counts!

Emira, with eight bags in her hands: Viney, sweetie, I didn't know which chocolates you liked so I just bought the entire existence of the store!!

Viney, shedding a tear: Rich people.....

* * *

Luz: Do you think Amity really loves me

Willow: You’ve been married to her for three years

Luz: Yeah but maybe she felt bad for me or something

Gus: She proposed

Luz: OKAY BUT WHAT IF SHE LIKE SLIPPED AND JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE A RING AND-

* * *

Emira: [flirts with Viney]

Viney: [actually flirts back]

Emira:

Viney:

Emira:

Viney: Aren’t you going to say anything?

Emira, panicking: I don’t know, I didn’t think I’d get this far!!

* * *

Boscha: [sees a picture of Luz] Wow, you’re so ugly.

Willow: Boscha, that was mean! Apologize to her!

Boscha, mumbling: I’m sorry that you’re so ugly.

* * *

Boscha: I dare you to kiss the prettiest person in the room.

Luz: [sighs and turns to Amity]

Luz: Amity?

Amity, blushes: Yes?

Luz: Could you please move, I’m trying to get to Willow.

* * *

Interviewer: What do you find most attractive in boys?

Amity: Usually their girlfriends.

* * *

Luz: Yeah! I was just too nervous to tell you. Also, I didn't know you liked girls.

Amity: Wait, you thought I was straight?

Luz: Yeah?

Amity: What am I doing wrong?

* * *

Willow: Fight me!

Boscha: Ha! Look at your size! What are you gonna do, kick me in the ankle?

[Later...]

Luz: Uh...why is Boacha on the floor crying?

Amity: Willow kicked her very hard in the ankle.

Willow: And I'll do it again.

* * *

Eda: I have the sharpest memory. Name one time I forgot something.

King: You left me at Wal-Mart parking lot yesterday.

Eda: I did that on purpose, try again.

* * *

Emira: Stressed? Lemon tea.

Amity: Nauseous? Green tea.

Emira: Insomnia? Chamomile tea.

Amity: Human interaction? Anxie-tea.

* * *

Emira: Ed, Mittens, why are you two still up?

Edric: It isn't that late.

Emira: It's 2am.

Amity: Yeah, so not that late.

Emira: How late do you two stay up?

Edric: Until 5am.

Emira: ...we all get up for school at 7am every day.

Amity: Until 5am.

* * *

Willow: I made this friendship bracelet for you.

Boscha: You know I'm not really a jewelry person.

Willow: You don't have to wear it--

Boscha: No I'm gonna wear it forever. Back off.

* * *

Amity: At least I'm going to die doing something I love.

Luz: And what's that?

Amity: Dying. It's too bad I couldn't have a snack before I go though.

Luz: ...are you still upset about the skittles--

Amity: I saved those for after dinner Luz!

* * *

Willow: What are you, 5?

Boscha: Pff yeah, 5 heads taller than you.

Willow:

Boscha:

Boscha: I'm sorry please don't kill me--

* * *

Boscha: Look, we've been fighting for too long.

Willow: True.

Boscha: Let's just agree to apologize on the count of 3.

Willow: Alright.

Boscha: 1. 2. 3!

Willow:

Boscha:

Boscha: See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

* * *

Boscha: If I cut off my leg and swung it at your head am I kicking you or hitting you?

Willow: It's 4am go the fuck to sleep!

* * *

Luz: I am the first human witch, reviver of glyph magic, I have fought the Emperor and lived--

Amity: Your hand is stuck in a vending machine.

Luz: I paid for my chips. I'm getting my chips.

* * *

Camila, slight mad: Eda, come here [frowning]

Camila, fifty percent mad: [Glaring] Edalyn...

Camila seventy perfect mad: [Glaring and screaming] Edalyn Clawthorne get down here and stop running with Owlbert!!!

Camila motherfucking furious, holding le chancla: Eda cariño, ven aqui por favor solo quiero hablar!!

* * *

Boscha: Yeeted!

Luz: Yote!

Boscha: YEETED!

Luz: YOTE!

Willow: I just want to know who threw Gus across the bridge.

* * *

Boscha: I have no heart. Love is for fools. I need no one in my life--

Willow walks by and waves: Hi.

Boscha: Well that was a fucking lie.

* * *

Boscha, under her breath: Future wife say what.

Willow: What?

Boscha: Nothing important, I've just got a wedding to plan.

* * *

Luz: [Gasps]

Amity: What?! What is it?

Luz: I can't believe I just realized soy milk is just introducing itself in Spanish.

Amity:

* * *

Boscha, thinking: WIllow is so cute, and great, and talented and good with flowers, I want her to give me flowers and kiss her, I'll tell her how great she is and that I want to go out with her!!!!

Boscha, talking: Her plant nerd! Your only friend the bush isn't tired of you being its only company? Maybe I should make him feel better by taking it with me? You can try to get it back after class

Willow: Why are you so mean?! 

Boscha, thinking: Nailed it!


	29. Meow

Luz: Babe, can you pass the salt?

Amity, Willow, and Boscha: [reach for it at the same time]

King, excitedly: Fight! Fight! Fight!

* * *

Luz: Being gay is not a choice.

Luz, picking up Amity bridal style: It's a game, and I'm winning.

* * *

Eda: Fuck I want to die

Luz: Language

Eda: Hecky heck, I crave death

* * *

King: I've been researching Earth history and been taking up wax sculpting. So, I'd love to introduce you to my latest minion. Meet Wax Ab- AH! Who left the blinds open?! Wax John Wilkes Booth, I'm looking in your direction!

* * *

Eda: I DO WHAT I WANT

Lilith: I’m telling Camilia

Eda: No wait

* * *

Amity: How’s the most beautiful witch in the Boiling Isles doing today?

Luz: I don’t know, how are y—

Boscha, from another room: I’M DOING GREAT THANKS FOR ASKING!!!

* * *

Edric: Can we have a birthday cake?

Emira: It’s not our birthday and Mitten’s isn’t till next week.

Edric: The cake won’t know.

* * *

Emira, recording Amity: Me and my little sister Amity here, bouta go scare the fuck outa some heteros

Amity, kicking down the door to a Church: I LIKE GIRLS

Someone: [shrieks in the distance]

* * *

Luz: Why are you sitting in my lap?

Amity: I got nervous.

Luz: Awww.

Luz: About what?

Amity: King getting here first.

* * *

Amity: About a month ago, Luz and I kissed

Boscha: And?

Amity: I thought you would be a little more shocked.

Boscha: Oh...sorry.

Boscha, in a shocked voice: AND?!

* * *

Luz: [Does something stupid]

Amity: [long sigh][heart eyes]

Amity: I love you.

* * *

Luz: [Sneaks into the owl house at 2 AM]

Lilith, swiveling around in a chair: Care to tell me where you were?

Luz: I was with… uh… Eda!

Eda, swiveling around: Care to try again?

* * *

Willow, trying to check if Boscha has a concussion: How many fingers am I holding up?

Boscha, squinting: Hella

* * *

Luz: Amity, are you still ticklish?

Amity: [takes 20 steps back] No, of course not.

* * *

Lilith: Why does Luz always do the laundry so loudly?

Eda: To let everyone know that no one else helps out around the house.

Luz, in the distance: [slams washing machine door]

* * *

Eda: Hey kids. I know you're struggling right now, but I'm here to tell you that everything will get worse

* * *

Luz: Don't panic. Since Willow's not here, I'm in charge.

Gus, Boscha, and Amity: THAT'S EXACTLY WHY WE'RE PANICKING!!

* * *

(Eda and Lilith scolding Luz)

Lilith: We're not mad, just disappointed.

Eda: No, we're mad.

Lilith: Yes, we're mad. We're livid.

Eda: But we're going to let this one slide.

Lilith: No, we're not.

Eda: I'm not a mind reader, Lily.


	30. Just gonna yeah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna drop my Future AU quotes here. My future au is my main story "Our Little Star". Go check it out. Its Luz and Amity's journey towards parenthood. ENJOY!
> 
> Lumity Kids:   
> Estrella N. Blight  
> Joseph Otabin N. Blight
> 
> Bosclow kids:   
> Allen Taehyoung Park   
> Nara Rose Park 
> 
> Vinera Kid:   
> Emily Blight

[on the phone]  
Luz: I just got home, where are you guys?

Otabin: The hospital.

Luz: Why? What happened?!

Otabin: Estrella swallowed a watermelon seed.

Luz: So? It’s not like it’s gonna grow a watermelon in her stomach.

Otabin:

Otabin: We’ll be home in 10 minutes.

* * *

Estrella: Mom, I'm gonna go out with my friends, I'll be back by eight. Okay?

Amity: Yeah, of course! Just a sec

Amity: [pulls sunscreen, knee pads, pepper spray, defibrillators, Life Alert, reflectors, a guard dog, a 9-month subscription to Life 360, and a security guard out of her pocket]

Luz: Oh god please don't-

Amity, filling a backpack with bricks: Hold on almost done

Allen: Ella, that's so lame

Amity: You know what isn't lame?

Amity: [places the helmet on Estrella's head]

Amity: Safety.

* * *

Allen: I have come up with a three-step plan to get Nara to marry you

Estrella: Okay, I’m listening

Allen: Step one, get her to play truth or dare

Otabin: Oh God, stop

Allen: Step two, wait until she picks dare

Otabin: Allen, no

Allen: Step three, dare her to marry you

Boscha, from another room: It could work!

* * *

Estrella: So I heard you like bad girls.

Nara: And?

Estrella: Well, not to brag, but this morning, I ate 3 gummy vitamins instead of 2.

Nara:

Estrella:

Nara: ... I’ll see you at 8

* * *

Allen: [sighs]

Emily: You bored?

Allen: Yeah.

Emily: Wanna start drama for no reason?

Allen:

Allen: Yeah, why not.

* * *

Allen: You’ve been giving Ella a lot of attention lately.

Nara: She’s sick.

Allen: I’m sick too!

Nara: Then go to the hospital.

* * *

Estrella: Do you ever have that feeling where you look at someone and your heart skips a beat?

Nara: That’s called arrhythmia.

Estrella: I get that every time I see you-

Nara: People can die from it.

Estrella: [Face palms]

* * *

Nara: Just bring Ella to me.

Otabin: Well, she locked herself in her room.

Nara: Just tell her I said something.

Otabin: Said what?

Nara: Anything factually inaccurate.

[two minutes later]

Estrella, to Otabin: I'm sorry, the sky is blue because it's reflecting the color of the ocean?


	31. Saranghe

Edric: Oh, great bird tube, what wisdom will you share with my humble self today?!

Hooty: Bugs are delicious and better than leaves my young one!!!

Edric: I see, oh great Bird tube!!!!

[In Hexside at Lunch]

Emira, eating a salad: I can't believe we are related.

Edric, eating a stew of different kinds of bugs: Why?

* * *

Luz: The moon is really beautiful tonight.

Amity: It really is.

Edric: Should we tell them that’s just a tortilla you threw at the window?

Emira: No.

* * *

Viney: If Emira and I kissed but like as bros is that gay?

Jerbo: Why do you ask?

Viney: So I may have kissed Emira but like as a bro-

* * *

Emira: I hate men.

Edric: Good, more for me.

* * *

Luz: Gus, I appreciate you trying to teach the others about my realm, but could you please stop doing it in Vine references?

Gus: I don't know what you're talking about.

Edric, from across the room: STOP I could've dropped my croissant!

* * *

Boscha: I wanna be reincarnated as a lesbian in my next life cuz girls are cute

Amity and Skara:

Skara: Boscha I hate to break it to you-

* * *

Luz: I’d tell you an airplane joke, but it would fly right over your head!

Willow:

Willow: I’m done with your shit.

Boscha: Tell us the joke Luz!

* * *

Luz: So I'm bi, how about you?

Amity: I'm straight.

Amity: [Finger guns] Straight up gay.

* * *

Potion Coven: I can explain-

Plant Coven: You’re making 500,000 and I’m getting 30,000??

Beast Keeping Coven: 30,000? I’m only getting 1,000!

Emperor's Coven: You guys are getting paid?

* * *

Eda: can we talk? one Camilia stan to another?

Lilith: i don't see why not

* * *

Willow: You two have been getting along today.

Boscha: Yeah so?

Luz: Have a little faith Willow.

Willow: Whose body did you have to hide together? There is literally no other way you'd get along.

Luz: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Boscha: Yeah. We haven't even hidden it yet so ha!

Willow:

Luz:

Boscha: Wait shit--

* * *

Willow: [rolls over in bed and knees Boscha in the ribs]

Boscha: Ow

Boscha: You kneed me

Willow, sleepily: Yeah, yeah I do need you

* * *

Luz: I couldn't get Amity to wear the otter costume, but I think I can get you too!

Boscha: HA! Yeah right--

Luz: Willow said she likes otters.

Boscha:

Boscha: Give me that fucking costume.

* * *

Willow: [bowl of popcorn in his hands] You know, sometimes when I get bored, I break something of Amity's and tell her Boscha did it.

Luz: Why would that make you less bored?

Amity, from across the dorm: I'M GOING TO KILL BOSCHA!

Willow: Oh goody, The shows about to start.

* * *

Luz: Okay, we'll say who we think is the biggest dumbass is on the count of 3.

Boscha: 1. 2. 3!

Boscha & Luz: You!

Boscha:

Luz:

Luz: Did we just become best friends?

Boscha: Fuck. I think we just did.

* * *

Luz: Sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out to be a witch.

Boscha: And what you should be cutting out is that bullshit.

* * *

Boscha: Makin’ my way downtown

Boscha: walking fast

Willow:

Boscha: Walking slower so Willow can keep up

* * *

Luz, trying to lift up a heavy log: No, my weak nerd arms!

Boscha: [Walks over and lifts it like it's nothing] The fuck are you even doing?

Luz, who had planned for this: Nothing just...

Luz: [stares at Boscha's arms]

Luz: ...trying to motivate myself to work out more.

Boscha: By trying to lift random heavy logs? I don't get how that's motivational.

Luz: You're so stupid, I love you for it.

* * *

Emira: Look, I know we don't see eye to eye

Noodle: bleep

Emira, already on top of the table: AMMIIITTTYYYY!!!!

* * *

Luz: [feeding Noodle]

Noodle, happy boy: bleep!

Amity, almost dying: ASKDHASLKDHSAKH

* * *

Viney: [hugging Noodle]

Noodle: [happily bleeping]

Emira, glaring: so you have chosen death

* * *

Boscha: I'm not saying I'd date you or anything, but I'd hold your hand, cuddle, and kiss you regularly.

Luz: That's...that's basically--

Boscha: I have commitment issues fuck off.

* * *

Luz: Wait, you like me? For my personality?

Boscha: I know, I was surprised too


	32. BOSCHLUZ

Luz: You know a relationship sounds cool. But an enemy you can fight and kiss sounds cooler.

Boscha: Well just so you know, I volunteer for scientific reasons.

* * *

Boscha: I'm not saying I'd date you or anything, but I'd hold your hand, cuddle, and kiss you regularly.

Luz: That's...that's basically--

Boscha: I have commitment issues fuck off.

* * *

Boscha: Willow! Willow, I need help!

Willow: What is it?!

Boscha: That thing is happening again. Like my chest is burning. I think Luz is actually poisonous.

Willow:

Willow: Why am I friends with dumbasses?

* * *

Boscha: And so I kissed Luz. Like bros do.

Willow: Aw that's--wait what?

Boscha: Like a bro. Titan forbid I made it gay.

Willow:

* * *

Villain: We have the enemy

Luz: I don’t have any enemies

Villain: But the contact name says “fucking bitch”

Luz: Oh my god they have Bosha

* * *

Kidnapper: We have your girlfriend!

Boscha: I don't have a girlfriend.

Kidnapper: Then who is this kid who keeps ranting about how this is a complete cliche--

Boscha: Oh fuck you have Luz.

* * *

Luz: [crying]

Boscha: I will destroy every aspect of the known universe and burn whatever remains to ash in order to be sure I eradicated whatever hurt you.

Luz: I’d… rather have a hug.

Boscha: Okay sweetheart

* * *

Boscha, at Luz: Nerdy loser.

Anyone else: Yeah you stupid nerd--

Boscha: [Slams that person into a locker]

Boscha: BITCH THAT'S MY NERDY LOSER!

* * *

Luz: What are your strengths?

Boscha: I fall in love easily.

Luz: Umm okay... what are your weaknesses?

Boscha: Those brown eyes of yours.

* * *

Willow: I dare you to kiss the next person that walks in.

Boscha: I’m not kissing any of you.

Luz: [walks in]

Boscha: Fine I’ll do it. I mean, rules are rules.

* * *

Luz: God I hate you sometimes, your stupidly cute face keeps getting in the way of me being mad!

Boscha: Yeah well I hate you--wait what did you say about my face--

* * *

Boscha: I hate you!

Luz: I hate me too

Boscha, softly: ... babe, we've talked about this

* * *

Luz: What's the best place you've fallen into?

Boscha: Your eyes.

Luz: Neat mine was a ball pit--wait a second--

* * *

Luz: It's kind of cold.

Willow: Well here, take my jacket.

Luz: I love you.

Willow, to Amity: I'm cold too.

Amity: Well damn, Willow! I can't control the weather!

* * *

Luz: What do you say when you like someone of your own gender?

Boscha: Luz, no….

Willow: Sarangay

* * *

Gus: Boscha! The floor is lava!

Boscha: [rolls eyes]

Willow: Boscha! The floor is Luz trying to kiss you!

Boscha: [immediately lays down on the ground]

Amity, who told Boscha she has a crush on Luz: eXCUSE ME!

Luz: oh... wow... JOCKS!

* * *

Boscha: Stop it, Luz. You're ruining my reputation.

Luz: Then get out of my lap.

Boscha: NO.

* * *

Luz: [kisses Boscha]

Boscha: ew.

Also Boscha: [does the so-called Japanese kabedon at Luz]

* * *

Luz: You know, you’re pretty cute when you’re nice.

Boscha: And what am I when I’m not nice?

Luz: HOT!

* * *

Luz: you are just- the cutest, purest, and most amazing person in the Boiling Isles, I love you!! 

Luz: [pinches Boscha’s cheek]

Boscha:

Luz:

Boscha: please continue this.. Affection, i like it.


	33. dramaramamarama EY

Amity: I like that we say "oh man" to express disappointment

Amity: Because men are, in fact, disappointing

* * *

Willow, on the phone with Boscha: What are you doing?

Boscha, while playing video games: The dishes

Willow: Did I just hear a laser gun?

Boscha: This is a bad neighborhood.

* * *

Emira: Aren’t you gay?

Edric: I like how you imply that I have done something heterosexual. If so, I apologize.

* * *

Boscha: [laying on the floor and staring at pictures on the ceiling]

Skara: What are you doing?

Boscha: I’m stargazing.

Amity: Those are pictures of Willow.

Boscha: I know. The stars are beautiful tonight.

* * *

Lilith: Are you okay?

Eda: Yeah, I’m fine.

King: What does “fine” mean?

Eda: It means I’m perfectly content, but I also wouldn’t mind if the sun exploded right now and killed us all.

* * *

Luz: Boscha, why does Willow love you so much?

Boscha: Because of my sweet moves. Check this one out.

Boscha: [Approaching Willow from behind] I’m coming in for a hug!

Willow: I’m not in the mood to be touched right now.

Boscha: Not a problem! [backs away]

Boscha: That move is called “Listening and Respecting”.

* * *

Luz: Your ex-boyfriends would throw themselves in front of a moving car for you!

Eda, cuddling with Camilia: I mean I’m not stopping them

* * *

Gus: Good morning, gays. What wisdom do you bring today?

Willow: Time isn’t real.

Amity: Girls are pretty.

Luz: Frozen pizza is better to eat than unfrozen.

Gus: Thank you, gays.

* * *

Camilia: You want to explain to me why you just HAD to run back into the house? Which was on FIRE?

Luz, covered in ash and holding her azura books and dvd's and posters: Not really

* * *

Luz: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?

Willow: You are strong!

Boscha: You are weak!

Amity, blushing: You are stupid.

* * *

Eda: There are seven chairs and ten people. What do you do?

Willow: Have everyone stand.

Luz: Bring three more chairs.

Amity: The most important people sit.

Boscha: Kill three people.

* * *

Camilia, holding a deformed chocolate bar: WHY’D YOU PUT THIS IN THE OVEN, YOU COULD’VE BURNT THE HOUSE DOWN.

Eda: YOU ASKED FOR HOT CHOCOLATE.

Camilia:

Camilia: _MI AMOR_ , I SWEAR TO GOD-

* * *

Willow: We have to talk about your solutions to your problems.

Boscha: Is murder not an acceptable solution?

Willow: Not when the microwave wasn't working.

Boscha: THEN THE FUCKER SHOULD HAVE WORKED!

Willow: IT WAS UNPLUGGED YOU IDIOT--

* * *

Luz: and what do we say when our actions have upset someone?

Boscha: hoes mad

Willow: **nO**

* * *

Eda: So. Promise you won't be mad?

Camilia: You saying that already has me reaching for my sandals.

* * *

Willow: Why don’t you have a girlfriend?

Boscha: I have strict parents. Why don’t you?

Willow: You have strict parents.

* * *

Willow: hey Boscha, say “oppa”!

Boscha: ‘oppa’?

Willow: Yes baby girl?

* * *

Amity: C’mon, I wasn’t that drunk

Luz: You tried to color my face with a highlighter because you said I was important

Amity, tearing up: Because you are

* * *

Willow: [sneezes]

Boscha: I love you.

Willow: I think you mean 'bless you'.

Boscha: You heard me.

* * *

Boscha: I never knew love until she nearly beat me in a Grudgby match.

Willow: Whoa, who was it?!

Boscha:

Boscha: Is...this what it feels like to have the brain cell? Because it hurts.

* * *

Edric: Hey, whats up with Mittens? She's been laying on the floor for like 15 minutes

Emira: She's just a little overwhelmed

Edric: Why?

Emira: Luz giggled

* * *

Amity: It’s dark, I’m scared

Luz: Don’t worry babe, I got this.

Luz: [stomps foot down on the ground]

Luz: [sketchers light up]

* * *

Eda: Luz, you're grounded!

Camilia, thinking after overhearing Eda: Good job, I think she's finally understanding Earth sayings better--

[Camilia walks into the backyard to see Eda trying to force Luz in a hole]

Luz: THIS IS NOT WHAT GROUNDING MEANS!

Eda: SHUT UP AND GET IN THE HOLE!

Camilia:

* * *

Luz: Yeah so the holiday Christmas has this guy named Santa--

Amity: You mean the war criminal?

Luz:...the what now--

* * *

Jerbo: Hey Edric are you dating anyone?

Edric: Yeah, but they’re from another nation

Jerbo: Really? What nation are they from?

Edric, crying: My imagiNATION

* * *

Luz: Hey, we’re supposed to dress as someone who inspires us for school on Friday and I was wondering if I could borrow Owlbert and maybe the bad girl coven shirt or-

Luz: Eda why are you crying, is something wrong?


	34. Emira vs Noodle

Emira, on the couch: I don't get what she sees in you.

Noodle from the other side of the couch: Bleep.

Emira: Listen here you scaly bastard, get near Viney, and I'll turn you into actual noodles.

Noodle: [Slides closer] Bleep.

Emira, trembling: I'm not scared of you!

Viney, walking back into the room: So what did you two talk about while I was gone?

Emira: Stuff. And things.

Noodle: Bleep.

Viney: [Gasps]

Emira, slamming her hands on the table: YOU LITTLE BLABBER MOUTH--

* * *

Edric: [holding Noodle]

Edric: hey Em!

Emira: ye-

Emira: [sees Noodle]

Emira: [unholy demonic screaming]

Edric: CALM DOWN!

* * *

Emira, just waking up in the morning and stretching: Hm, good morning sun, the sky, Noodle who is on my pillow--

Emira:

[In the kitchen]

Amity: I wonder where Noodle is.

Amity: [Hears Emira's distant screams]

Amity: Ah, there he is

* * *

Emira, in a therapist's chair: And he just--he just bleeps you know! I can't beat that. I feel like he's stealing Viney from me.

Noodle: Bleep!

Emira: See that right there--!

Therapist: Alright settle down! We take turns here. Noodle, now it's your turn.

Noodle: Bleep, bleep bleep.

Emira: I DO NOT!

Noodle: BLEEP!

Emira: THAT'S IT--

Therapist, muttering: I do not get paid enough for this.

* * *

Amity: [wearing sunglasses]

Noodle: [also wearing sunglasses]

Edric: why are you two wearing sunglasses

Amity: its bring your mom to school day and Noodle needs me

Edric: Mittens-

Amity: I don't need your validation

* * *

Emira: Mittens!

Amity: yes?

Emira: YOUR SON IS STEALING MY GIRLFRIEND!

Viney: [giving Noodle some kisses]

Noodle: [happily bleeping from the affection]

Amity, tearing up: Luz had taught our son well 

Emira: TEACHING HIM HOW TO STEAL SOMEONE'S GIRLFRIEND?

* * *

Emira: I refuse to be anywhere near that snake!

Amity and Luz: [holding Noodle] You're hurting his feelings.

Emira: Good!

Viney: Be nice to the snake and I'll give you a kiss.

Emira: ...

Edric: Em!

Emira: I'm thinking!

* * *

Amity: Where is my son?

Emira: Depends.

Amity: Depends on what?

Emira: How mad you'll be when I tell you I let Ed take him out to the zoo without you.

Amity:

Amity, frantically getting ready: I am going to the zoo to murder Edric. And then I am coming back to you. I'm missing out on so many cute pictures!

* * *

Luz: son, your mom and I are going shopping and auntie Emira will be taking care of you

Emira, wearing armor: who the fuck told you that I accepted the offer?

* * *

Amity: Where's Ed and Noodle?

Edric: [entering the room with Noodle on his shoulder]

Edric: That was a crazy party!

Amity: WHAT!?

Edric: We went to a party.

Amity: Luz! Help me punish "Uncle Ed".

Luz: [menacingly wielding slipper]

Edric: [in absolute fear] NOT THE SLIPPER!!!

* * *

Emira: I can't believe they left me alone with you.

Noodle: Bleep bleep.

Emira: Wait. You like illusion magic?

Noodle: Bleep.

Emira: Never thought you were the type.

Noodle: Bleep!

Emira, chuckling: Fair.

Amity, coming back from a quick market run: Are...you two getting along?

Emira: [Violent fake coughs] NO!

Noodle: Bleep bleep!

Emira: SHUT IT YOU!

* * *

Noodle: [lonely]

Blight siblings: [enters] We're home!

Noodle: [zooms towards Emira for a hug]

Emira: [drops her bag and already running upstairs]

Edric: oh my titan

Amity: JUST LET MY SON GIVE YOU KISSES!

* * *

Luz: [reading a bed time story to Noodle]

Noodle: [falling asleep]

Luz: [closes the book and kisses her son's head]

Amity, crying while taking pictures: oh my titan this is so precious


	35. SHAWTY GOT THEM APPLE BOTTOM JEANS

Eda, shoving a Hecate outfit in front of a very startled Amity: You look like you'd be willing to pay a handsome amount of money for this quality human garbage

Amity, who wouldn't be caught dead dressed as Hecate because Azura: I don't want to buy one.

Luz, in an Azura outfit: Oh hi Amity check out these costumes I made for Eda to sell!

Amity:

Amity: I want 40.

* * *

Luz: I'm bi

Amity: [runs away crying] NO!

Luz: Well damn

Amity, thinking to herself: Did she have to say goodbye like that?! I can't believe her! I should've kissed her when I had the chance!

* * *

Edric: umm mom, dad I'm gay.

Karen Blight: WAIT WHAT YOU ARE?

Chad Blight: ok so then does anyone here like girls?

Amity: [raises hand]

Karen Blight: [frickin dies]

Emira: [raises hand for a second but puts it down quickly]

Edric, yelling at his mother's body: BLOODLINE ENDS HERE!

* * *

Viney, answering her scroll: Heya, what do you need?

Luz, hysterical: Viney, I need a healer quick!!!!

Viney: Luz? what happened?

Luz: Amity fainted and she is bleeding a lot from her nose!!!

Viney, getting up and tushing to the door: I'm on my way, what happened??!?!

Luz: [mumbles]

Viney: Sorry, say that again?

Luz:...I put on a Maid dress-

* * *

Boscha: Hey babe, what do you think when you look at me?

Willow: Usually? A mix of wanting to Kiss you or punch you

* * *

Luz: Willow is so talented like look at this girl she can speak in so many different languages 

Gus: she can even sneeze in korean

Boscha: show em babe

Willow: achoomnida 

Amity: TALENT

* * *

Amity, to Luz while lying face down on the bed, regretting everything: And then I called her mom.

Lilith, to Eda while trying not to cry: And then she called me mom.

* * *

Emira: Are you okay?

Edric:

Emira: Edric?

Edric: Luz used to call me Edric...

Emira: Because that’s your fucking name!

Edric: I JUST MISS MY BRO!

* * *

Amity: Emira, could you help me with dinner?

Emira: Sure

Amity: careful, the onions can make you cry

Emira: Ha! This stupid vegetable can't hurt me!!

Onion: Viney likes noodle more than you

Emira, tearing up: SHUT UP!!!

* * *

Eda: First, I would like to thank jock girl for giving me two dollars, it wasn’t necessary but I appreciate it.

Luz: Why did you do that?

Boscha: I thought she was homeless.

* * *

Hexside student 1: Hey, have you heard of Amity blight?

Hexisde student 2: YEah, she is the best student in her year right? she must so badass, centered, and cool!!!

Hexside student 1: Yeah, and so composed and cool!!!

Amity, running from a place to the other with water buckets: LUZ WHERE ARE YOU?! I BURNED BOSCHA'S MEMORIES THIS TIME!! HELP!!!

* * *

Gus: So let me get this right, you want me to make an Illusion of you to... confess to willow? so if she rejects you, you can say it was a prank?

Boscha: yeah, pretty much.

Gus:

Gus: it was necessary to tie me and hit me with a dead fish for fifteen minutes?

Boscha: Necessary? No, Hilarious? yes

* * *

Gus: I am an expert at identifying birds.

Willow: Okay, what about those ones flying over there?

Gus: Yup, they’re all birds.

* * *

Willow: If there was a zombie apocalypse, who would your team be?

Amity: Luz, you, Gus, Eda, Lilith, noodle, Boscha, and matt

Willow: Why Matt?

Amity: Someone has to die first

* * *

Luz: [looks at Amity deeply in the eyes, smiling]

Amity: [blushing]

Boscha: [opens a can very loudly]

Amity: can’t you see we’re having a moment?

Boscha: and I’m having a soda

Boscha: [Turns and gives the open soda to Willow]

Boscha: Here you go, babe

Willow: Thanks, babe

* * *

Luz and Edric: [going absolutely crazy, throwing shoes around, laughing at each other, crackhead level - infinite]

Emira: hehe they are a bit excited

* * *

Boscha, after a huge fight: I don't need anybody!!

Willow, who just charged her to infirmary: Excuse me? I had you in my arms!!

Boscha: Nobody!!

Willow: We had a moment! I charged you in my arms!!! I'm pretty sure you smelled my hair!!

* * *

Luz: You know, the fastest way to someone's heart is the stomach!

Eda: No, is not, is the ribcage, you just need the right knife

* * *

Gus: You need a hobby.

Boscha: I have a hobby.

Luz: Staring at Willow's face isn't a hobby.

Boscha: You're right. It's a profession, and I excel at my job.

* * *

Luz: You know, the fastest way to someone's heart is the stomach!

Boscha: OK

Luz: Boscha?! BOSCHA DROP THE KNIFE AND GET AWAY FROM WILLOW!

* * *

Amity: Don't be a bitter bitch, be a better bitch.

Boscha: Haha, that's where you're mistaken. I can multitask and will excel at both.

* * *

Lilith: Do you consider yourself an educated and polite person?

Eda: Heck yeah I do you stupid dumbass 

Eda: [spits in a pot three meters away]

* * *

Emira, fondly: Remember when Viney made that romantic dinner for me?

Edric: She microwaved you a pizza, Em.

* * *

Amity: [screams]

Boscha: [screams louder to establish dominance]

Gus and Luz: Should we do something?

Willow, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.


	36. BOOTS WITH THE FUUUURRRR

Amity: Where is Luz?

Edric: You know how she almost drowned in the pool?

Amity: Yeah...?

Edric: Well, Emira remembered a trick to getting water out of phones so--

Amity:

Amity: Don't tell me Emira is trying to get rice in Luz's lungs.

Edric: ....okay then I won't tell you that.

* * *

Amity: there's only one thing worse than dying

Willow: [rips off paper to reveal 'Luz' written above dying]

Boscha: [gasps] Luz

Gus: NO

* * *

King: [pushing on a door that clearly says pull]

Eda, filming him: Just push harder.

* * *

Viney: QUICK, EMIRA IS LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD. WHAT’S HIS BLOOD TYPE-

Edric: B positive

Viney:

Viney: I’M TRYING

* * *

Luz: Okay, any questions?

Gus: Why is Batman one word, Iron Man two words, and Spider-Man two words with a dash?

Luz: Not what I meant but it’s not a bad question.

* * *

Amity: He’s so immature some times.

Emira: Remember when he found out he could drink 2 Capri Suns at once?

Edric, running in with three Capri suns: GUYS YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FUCKING BELIEVE THIS.

* * *

Edric: Does age matter?

Luz: When it comes to love, absolutely not. Love knows no bounds. It’s something that can’t-

Edric: No, not love bro. I’m trying to get food from the kids menu, the adult one sucks and I have a hankering for some chicken tenders. Do you think I could pass as 12?

* * *

Gus: When there’s an earthquake, coffins become underground maracas.

Luz: Thanks for that terrifying visual.

* * *

Luz: Imma do arson.

Camilia: NO!

vs

Luz: Imma do arson.

Eda: Lol coward, blow up a building.

* * *

Amity: And those are my 20 fan theories on The Good Witch Azura book series.

Therapist: Let's talk about your mother.

Amity: No.

* * *

Willow at Boscha: Did you fall from heaven because so did Satan.

* * *

Luz: What do you remember most from your childhood?

Amity: Wishing I had one.

Luz: ...okay I happen to know Eda has adoption papers somewhere, give me a second.

* * *

Amity: So how much of an allowance do you get at the owl shack?

Luz: I was allowed to live there.

Amity: I meant how many snails did you get per week.

Luz: I know.

* * *

[Idol AU]  
Amity: Okay, this is really the last song!

Owlettes: We won't go home!

Emira: They said they won't go home.

Willow: OK, but I will.

* * *

Luz: Your last name sounds so cool.

Amity, without thinking: Want to have it?

Luz: ...

Amity, realizing what she said: Oh shit--uh, I mean because I don't really like it. I like yours though.

Luz: ...want to have it?

Amity: [Ceases to function]

* * *

Amity: I don't think I'm capable of love.

Luz: [Exists]

Amity: ...okay universe, since you love proving me wrong, I don't think I'm worthy of Luz's love-

* * *

Eda: Welcome to the owl house!

Lilith: There’s a demon standing on your dinner table

Eda: That’s King, he likes to feel tall.

* * *

Amity at Emira: Where is the idiot anyway?

Edric: I'm right here!

Amity: Surprisingly I'm not referring to you for once.

* * *

Luz: How's your day going?

Amity: Well, no one got hurt or died.

Luz: Those are your standards?

Amity: First of all, you'd be surprised how often that bar isn't met. Second, they are my standards because you and my siblings exist.

* * *

(Werewolf au)

Luz: You know for the longest time I thought when you said "it's that time of the month" I just assumed--

Amity: Don't. Don't finish that sentence.

* * *

Luz, reading Magic 101: Honey

Amity, Willow, and Boscha: Yes?

Amity, Willow, and Boscha: [looks at each other]

Gus: Guess I'll go to Luz for dating advice

* * *

Any man: Hey, what’s your number?

Amity: [visibly texting] I don’t have a scroll

* * *

Eda: You’re a lying, cheating piece of shit!

Lilith: Oh yeah? And you’re a liar who thinks they can get away with everything they do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

King: I’m moving out, and I’M TAKING EVERYBODY WITH ME

Luz, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

* * *

Skara: All my girl’s snacks are organic.

Willow: That’s cool. My group eats candy off the floor

Viney: I think I saw Barkus lick a sock the other day

* * *

Kikimora: When I was your age-

Lilith: When I was your height

Kikimora:

Kikimora: Now listen here you little shit-


	37. STRAIGHT FORWARD

Viney: Never tell anyone this but I'm not the one with the brain cell in my group.

Luz: Who is it?

Viney: Barcus.

Luz: Didn't he chase his tail for 3 hours yesterday?

Viney: Yes. And I only know that cause I was watching for 3 hours making fun of him for being entertained by it. But who's the real dumbass? The one chasing their tail or the one who watched?

Luz:

Luz: I-

* * *

Amity: I think I'm making good progress on my fear of ghosts.

Therapist: That's the spirit!

Amity:

Therapist: Wait shit Amity nO-

Amity, already throwing fireballs everywhere: Where?! I'll make them crave a second death, I AM THEIR OBLIVION-

Therapist, on the phone with security: IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN GET THE HUMAN QUICK-

* * *

[Werewolf AU]

Amity: No, its happening!! Luz! Run!!

Luz: I'm not going anywhere! Amity I'm not afraid of you!!

Amity: I don't care if you are afraid, I just get super dumb when I transform and I don't want you to look at me chasing my tail for forty minutes!!

* * *

Amity, waking up after full moon: Imma gonna kill you...

Luz, with a book on her hand: Is it because-

Amity: Yes!!! IT IS BECAUSE YOU THREW THE BALL BUT YOU ACTUALLY KEPT IT BEHIND YOUR BACK!!!

* * *

[Idol AU]  
Amity wakes up, panicked: OH SHIT I’M LATE FOR THE CONCERT!

Amity: Oh wait I don’t have any tickets.

Amity, going back to sleep:

Amity again, panicked: OH FUCK I’M PREFORMING!

* * *

[Boscha walking into The Owl House for the first time]: Alright, which one of you is in charge?

Boscha: I need to know who to ignore.

* * *

Camilia: what’s your greatest strength?

Eda: i'm a great flirt

Camilia: what's your greatest weakness?

Eda: those beautiful eyes of yours

* * *

Edric Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate for once.

Emira, on the verge of tears: Please let me sleep, it’s been three days for fuck’s sake.

* * *

Eda: Dating tip: hold the door for your date. Rip the door off its hinges. Use the door as a weapon to fight off other men. Establish dominance.

Lilith: How did you... even get into a relationship?

Eda: I broke my hand on mine and Camilia’s first date. At this point, I firmly believe she’s just afraid to leave me unsupervised.

* * *

Skara: New year, new me!

Boscha: New year, same me! I’m a perfect bitch.

* * *

Luz: hey Amity can I ask you something?

Amity: sure Luz

Luz: it seems as though whenever I talk to you, this song plays in the background.. can you explain that? Am I hearing things?

Amity, blushing: [straight hair, straight As, Straightforward...]

Amity: I don’t know what you mean lov- Luz.

* * *

Emira: Mitten's late.

Edric: How did this happen? I had Luz call her at eight o'clock this morning and pretend it was eleven.

Emira: I printed up that fake schedule for her saying the school is starting at nine instead of noon.

Edric: I set all her watches and clocks to say PM when it's really AM.

Emira: Oh boy. We may have overdone it.

Amity: [bursts in]

Amity: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE TIME?!

* * *

Edric: You guys ever just feel like skdhfskjlgnvks?

Emira and Amity: How did you say that with your mouth?

Luz, without looking up: That's how I feel all the time.

* * *

Willow: Hey, Amity. Your hair's getting pretty long.

Amity: [with her brown roots showing more] Your point?

Willow: Maybe we should fix it up a little?

Amity: Maybe.

Luz: I kinda like the extra brown.

Amity: [blushing with gay panic] It's fine! My hair can stay the way it is!

* * *

Lilith: How many kids do you have, Edalyn?

Eda: Bioligally? None. Legally? None. Emotionally? 8.

* * *

Edric: [laying on the couch] Shouldn’t we be more productive?

Luz: [laying next to him] Our cells are constantly multiplying and dividing trying to keep us alive. That’s productive.

Edric:

Edric: You’re right.

* * *

Eda: I think I forgot something.

Luz: If you forgot, then it wasn’t important.

Eda: Yeah, you’re right

Lilith in the Walmart parking lot across town:

* * *

Amity: [lays down next to Luz while she’s sleeping] nice.

Luz: [cuddles closer to Amity while still sleeping]

Amity: [holding back her gay panic and is blushing crazy] nICE.

* * *

Amity: You lied?

Emira: We may have.

Amity: You may have or you did?

Emira:

Edric:

Amity:

Edric: We may have did.

* * *

Willow: Gus?

Gus: Yes?

Willow: Where are Boscha and Amity?

Gus: Outside.

Luz: Where are the fireworks we bought?

Gus:

Amity: [running past the window, shooting fireworks at Boscha]

* * *

Boscha: What makes you think I'm flirting with you?

Willow: Why are you holding a guitar and how did you manage to climb to my balcony?

Boscha: Don't try to change the subject.


	38. Why are you gay?

Amity: I can’t find anyone as annoying as the human.

Boscha : What? Why?

Amity: Just look at her.

Luz: [breathes]

Amity: [sheds a tear] Her wonder is just too pure for this world.

* * *

Amity: I hate myself.

Edric and Luz: But that's homophobic!

Amity:

Amity: I-

* * *

Emira, thinking about Viney: [blush]

Amity, thinking about Luz: [blushes even more]

Edric: Do you guys have a fever or something?

* * *

Amity high up in a tree: I'M GONNA JUMP!

Emira: NO!

Edric holding a camera: DO A FLIP OR YOU'RE STRAIGHT!

Emira: ED!

Amity: BET, BITCH!

Emira: MITTENS!

* * *

Luz: Amity!! Did you like the other book series I lend you?!

Amity: Surprisingly, yeah, it was amazing, I loved the story and the characters!!!

Luz: I know!! They were so great!!!

Amity: Yeah, hey, what is your favorite ship? Mine is MC x Villain!

Luz: that's cool! But mine is better.

Amity: really? Which one?

Luz: [leans and kisses Amity]

Luz: Us

* * *

Lilith: You ever read something so explicit it makes you want to go to church and sit there for a year?

Eda: Send it to me.

* * *

Amity: The stars are beautiful today.

Luz: Do you know what else is beautiful?

Amity, blushing: No.

Luz: Willow.

Amity:

Amity, tearing up: you're absolutely right.

* * *

Edric: I shall rise over the peasants and prove my worth the only ring!! ]Runs with an onion ring to the oven on the kitchen]

Emira: The force may be with me!! [Jumps to the void with an illusion light Saber]

Amity:

Amity, looking at Luz: this is all your fault

Luz: [smug smile] I hope so.

* * *

Noodle, thinking: [climbs on top of Amity] here i shall slumber

Amity: you're super cute but that's kinda uncomfortable for me tho

Noodke, thinking: must protecc

Amity: there's nothing dangerous here bby

Noodle, thinking: loneliness is dangerous

* * *

Emira: Mittens, I want to talk you about you being gay 

Amity: I'm not gay!

Emira: You are hugging Luz right now!!!

Amity: Is not gay if you don't make eye contact!!

* * *

Co-Worker: [pointing to Eda] hey, is that woman bothering you?

Camilia: yeah, but she's my wife so i signed up for this

* * *

Ed and Luz: —and now for a gay update with Emira Blight.

Emira: Getting gayer.

Ed and Luz: Thank you, Em.

* * *

Viney: [yawns]

Emira: Yeah, being pretty must be tiring 

Viney: [With a smile and running a hand through Emira's hair] 

Viney: then you must be exhausted 

Emira: [Passes out]

* * *

Amity, a doctor: look, i know we used to date, but let’s keep this professional

Luz: okay, so did i break anything?

Amity: [slams x-rays on table] my heart, Luz!

* * *

Boscha: [Kisses Willows forehead]

Willow: You missed.

Boscha: What are you talkin-

Willow: [Leans and kisses Boscha on the lips]

Willow: There, better.

* * *

Emira: please come out of there so we can talk

Edric: [from cardboard box] i'm sorry come out of where?

Emira: [sigh] please exit the spacecraft


	39. KAIJU BABY!

Eda: Your reign is over, Belos!

Belos: And just what makes you think you can succeed?

Luz: The power of friendship!

Belos: ...What is this Disney bullshit?

[Luz pulls out a giant cannon named "Power of Friendship"]

Belos: [audibly afraid] This might hurt.

* * *

Edric: Hey, Em! I found this journal that makes whatever you write actually happens to people!

Emira: You thinking what I'm thinking?

Edric: Mess with Mittens?

Emira: Oh yeah.

(one confusing day of Luz being controlled to flirt with Amity later)

Luz: [snaps out of the trance she was put in] Why does my mouth taste like shitty dialog?

* * *

Luz, bisexual disaster: ...Te amo Amity

Amity, visibly confused: What?

Luz: Dije que te amo. 

Amity: Luz, I don’t understand

Luz, concerned and fearful: But I thought you liked me back! Isn’t that why you’re always blushing???

Amity, blushing furiously: Uhh... I-I do like you, but I have no idea what you just said. 

Luz:

Luz, realizing her mistake: Oh. 

Luz: I love you Amity. 

Amity: [dies]

* * *

Amity: So... What are you doing?

Emira: [T possing I'm front of a very scared Viney]

Emira: flirting

* * *

(Modern AU)

Emira: [walks into the room with a laptop]Okay, I'm sure you all want to go over the plans for the project we're working on. So I brought notes.

Edric: Good work, Em.

Willow: Thanks. This is a big help.

Amity: Wait. That's my laptop! How did you figure out my password?

Edric, Emira, and Willow: [deadpan] It's "Amity Noceda".

* * *

Eda: How was I supposed to know "priceless" didn't mean free!

Luz: It was an art museum!

Eda: I don't see your point.

* * *

Boscha: hey, what does "y/n" mean?

Luz: "your name"

Boscha, back to reading: Boscha looked into Boscha's eyes

* * *

Eda, to Luz: Now then, we'll need to take the place of those guards and blend in. To make sure they don't suspect anything, we need to get rid of them in a careful way.

Eda, to guard, holding a rag: Does this smell like chloroform to you?

* * *

Gus: Mike Wazowski twerking is the same if he was nodding

Luz, on the verge of a breakdown: For the love of god, please stop

* * *

Luz: FIGHT ME

Eda: Unfortunately, I have a rule against battling SMOLL children

Lilith, attacking Luz with her palisman: I don't.

* * *

Edric: [Walks in to find Luz lying on the floor]

Edric: You okay there, bro?

Luz: What if there’s multiple you’s in alternate timelines and your dreams are just you seeing what they are doing?

Edric:

Edric: [Lies on the floor next to Luz]

* * *

Luz: Amity, when was the last time you slept?

Amity, on her fourth month of not sleeping: I need more Coffee!!! I was in a knife fight with God!!!

Luz: You threw a butter knife at a photo of your parents, so maybe its time to stop with the coffee Tesoro...

* * *

Edric: you need a hobby.

Amity: i have a hobby, Ed.

Emira: how many times do we have to tell you that stalking Luz is not counted?

* * *

Amity: Luz

Luz: yes babe?

Amity: Ki... Ki... K...Ki...

Luz: is ok, take your time.

Amity: Ki... KILL ME I HAVE FOUR TEST ON THE MORNING!!

Luz:...

Luz: I was looking for 'kiss me' but venting your emotions is also good.

* * *

Willow: Truth or dare?

Amity: Truth.

Willow: I dare you to kiss Luz.

Amity, already getting up: Alright, fine.

Gus: She didn't even pick dare though???

* * *

Amity, to Luz: Your smile? It brightens my day.

Emira, to Viney: Your happiness? I live for that.

Edric: Single? Get an ice cream

* * *

Amity: W-who are you?

Human Amity: I’m you but taller.

* * *

Interviewer: So can you tell us about your ideal types?

Eda: [Whispering] Remember we need to protect our image, so keep your answers as heteronormative as possible

Luz: Uh, someone dependable like a father

Willow: Someone... tall?

Amity: [Whispering to Boscha] What do straight people like in a person?

Boscha: [Whispering back] How about someone you can be financially dependent on

Amity: Ah ok got it

Amity: A human!

* * *

Willow: I love how everyone assumed Amity would be the collected one in the relationship.

Gus: What do you mean?

Willow: Just give it a bit and observe.

Gus: Bet. 20 snails nothing is gonna happen.

[A few hours later, in the infirmary]

Luz: AMITY WHY DID YOU ATTACK THE EMPEROR'S COVEN ALONE?!

Amity: EMPEROR BELOS IS A LIL BITCH!

Luz: THAT ISN'T AN ANSWER--

Amity, whispering: He hurt you--

Luz: Aw babe--

Amity: --SO HE A LIL BITCH AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN!

Luz: NO--!

Gus: [Grumbling and handing Willow 20 snails]

* * *

Willow, drinking tea while looking at a camera: They ask me how I manage my friends so easily.

Willow, smiling: The secret is, I don’t. I have no control over them whatsoever. I’m running on twenty minutes of sleep. This morning I didn’t have my glasses and mistook Boscha for a small street sign. I poured coffee beans in a bowl instead of cereal by accident and still ate them. Please help me.

Willow, still smiling: [takes a sip as a single tear rolls down her cheek]

* * *

Eda: If you asked me who my favorite child was, I’d have to say Luz, because she’s probably the least problematic.

Luz, kicking the door down with thirty dresses and an eye patch on: EDA WE WERE PLAYING TRUTH OR DARE AND NOW I’M STUCK AND THE LIVING ROOM IS ON FIRE AND GUS IS CHOKING ON A BUTTON AND WILLOW IS LAYING FACE DOWN ON THE CARPET INANIMATE HELP

Lilith: I thought you said she’s not problematic!

Eda: I said LEAST problematic, there’s a difference


	40. WHACHU MEAN?

Edric: Hypothetical question but if Luz and I were, let’s say, hanging out since it's our bro day, and our little sister knows about it…

Edric: How screwed would I be?

[hears someone knocking on their door]

Emira: [Looks through peephole] Why is Mittens outside our room holding a shotgun?

* * *

Lilith: Nothing will stop me from bringing Edalyn to the Emperor!

(Owlbert swoops in)

Lilith: An owl?

(Owlbert puts on a fedora)

Lilith: OWLBERT THE OWL?!

* * *

Tibbles: Today is the day we reveal to the Boiling Isles the existence of the League Of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally United For Frightening Investments In Naughtiness!

Tom the Demon Hunter: You want us to be called "L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N."?

* * *

Luz, referring to Willow: I should have her plan my wedding. Gus, make a note of it.

Amity, off-screen: I got it!

* * *

Amity: Love of my life, the liquid warmth that soothes my homicidal thoughts-

Willow: How long has she been talking to the coffee pot?

Luz: Since 7am.

Willow: It's 8:30am.

Luz: She can't function until she's had her 30th cup.

Amity, still taking to coffee pot: -truest beauty, my soulmate

* * *

(Vampire au)

Amity: Not going to lie, I thought out of us two, I'd be the vampire.

Luz:

Amity: You can't tell me I don't fit the stereotype. Mysterious family, black nail polish-

Luz: Needs 1million SPF sunscreen-

Amity: Okay I was just trying to point out the obvious but you didn't need to call me out.

Luz: I think you mean burn [winks]

Amity:

Luz: Get it cause you're-

Amity: [Picking up a wooden stake]

Luz: Hot. You're really hot.

Amity: Flattery won't save you.

* * *

Eda: You can't prove I did anything.

Lilith: You pickpocketed me. I looked you in the eyes!

Eda, who has sorta picked up on Luz's world's sense of humor: IT'S NOT THEFT IF YOU MAKE EYE CONTACT!

Lilith: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

* * *

Eda as a pilot over the intercom: Good news folks! We'll be landing early!

Eda: Bad news is we're out of gas and we're landing on a mountain. Oh, and it's not landing we're crashing-

Lilith, the co-pilot: I THINK THEY GET IT EDALYN!

* * *

(Young Eda and Lilith)

Eda: Lilly what does divorce mean? Mom and dad kept talking about it.

Lilith: Uh. It's a kind of food.

Eda: Does that mean breakups are a kind of food too?

Lilith: ...yes. But it's a grown-up food.

Eda: Wow! When I get older I'm gonna have so many breakups!

Lilith: [Choking back laughter] Y-yes Edalyn, I'm sure you will

* * *

(Ghost au)

Medium Amity: I don't know what it is about this old house but whatever it is it's annoying.

Ghost Luz: [Aggressively break dancing behind her]

* * *

Lilith: Let me see what you have.

Luz: [running by with glyphs on her hands] Glyphs!

Lilith NO!

* * *

Viney: I'm pretty sure I'm straight.

Jerbo: You're dating Emira.

Viney: [Snaps fingers] Got me there.

* * *

Jerbo: I do not have the same type as you. I am not attracted to stupidity-

Edric and Luz: [Arguing if water is wet or makes things wet]

Jerbo: Shit.

Amity: Welcome to the club.

* * *

(Camping with the Bad Girl Coven)  
Edric: [about to eat a berry]

Luz: bro stop, those berries are poisonous!

Edric:

Edric: [immediately shoves five in his mouth]

Amity, running up to him: FUCK NOT AGAIN

Barkus: [screaming]

Boscha, calmly: If he dies can I get his MacBook

Jerbo: SHIT THIS IS LIKE THE FIFTH TIME HE ALMOST DIED THIS WEEKEND

Gus: [loudly sobbing]

Emira, opening her tent: COULD YOU ALL STOP SCREAMING SO FUCKING LOUD I’M TRYING TO SLEEP WITH VINEY

Luz, doing the Heimlich meneuver: ED SPIT IT OUT

Edric, choking: YOU R E NOTT TH E BOSFF OHF MEH E

Eda, recording the whole ordeal: Content for days

* * *

(Oh Wait That's My Idiot club au)

Amity: And today's discussion will be about the Dos and Donts of what to do with your idiot.

Jerbo: Never leave them unsupervised together.

Amity: And why don't we do that?

Willow: Because it leads to Isle wide fires.

Luz: That was a wild week.

Edric: 10/10 would try again.

Boscha: I don't regret a damn thing.

* * *

Eda: Bitch

Lilith: Blocked

Eda: Wait unblock me I need to tell you something

Lilith: Unblocked

Eda: Bitch

* * *

Eda: All in all, a 100% successful trip

Luz: We lost Lilith!

Eda: All in all, a 100% successful trip

* * *

(Daycare au)

Lilith: Edalyn we were supposed to teach the children new words.

Eda: I did.

Toddler Amity in the background: BITCH GIVE ME BACK MY TOY!

Lilith: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT

* * *

Luz: Check out my new outfit! 

Luz: [is wearing a leather jacket and skinny jeans]

Amity: [immense gay panic]

Willow: Luz, I think you broke Amity.

* * *

Amity: [holding two pieces of bread at Luz's head sides] WHAT ARE YOU?!

Luz: ....girlfriend sandwich?

Amity: An idi- wait, did you just ask me out?

Willow, with popcorn: I never thought it'll be like this


	41. Another addition to the family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading these quotes! If you like Noodle Blight-Noceda (the snakes), go check out my two-part songfic "Song For You". I appreciate it if you leave kudos and comments on that story!

Amity: Stressed.

Luz: Depressed.

Willow: Blessed.

Gus: Possessed.

Emira: Obsessed.

Edric: Impressed.

Eda: Underdressed.

Boscha: Distressed.

Lilith: Chicken breast.

Bad Girl Coven: ...What?

Lilith: Idk I just wanted to join in.

* * *

Amity: Hey, Luz. Can you help me?

Luz: Yeah. What is it?

Amity: [steps to the side to show a Cerberus puppy behind her] My family won't take in this dog, so I was wondering if y-

Luz: [baby talking to the puppy in Spanish, then cries]

Amity: LUZ! Why are you crying?!

Luz: [in tears] I don't have enough hands!

* * *

Luz: Hey Amity, can I show you something?

Amity: uh, sure?

Luz: [hugs Amity]

Amity:

Amity: I have no idea what this is, but I've never needed anything more.

Luz: yeah they're called hugs! It was really surprising that you guys dont-

Luz: WAIT ARE YOU CRYING

* * *

Luz, naming the heads of the puppy: Okay then. I've got the perfect names for you! 

Luz: [Points to the dog's right head with a flame pattern patch of fur] You'll be Ember.

Luz: [Holds the left head] You can be Luzura.

Luz: [Pats the center head, which has a crown-like mark on the fur] And you can be Reina. That's Spanish for "queen".

King: THERE WILL BE NO USURPERS IN MY KINGDOM!!

* * *

Luz: Who is a good girl? Who is a good girl? Who is a good girl? Yes, you are Luzura. Yes, you are Ember. Yes, you are Reina.

Amity: Luz, is only one dog, you don't need to say everything three times 

Luz: Of course I do!! They are all good girls!!

* * *

Emira: Which one of you destroyed my new pair of heels!! Was it you Reina? Or you Luzura?! Oh. No! Don't tell me it was you, Ember!! I shared my stake with you!!

Edric: should we tell her that the three of them are the same dog?

Viney: Nah, give her a sec.

King, whispering: I destroyed those horrible things, but she doesn't have to know

* * *

Luz: [having a sleepover with Willow, Gus, and Amity] I'll be right back. 

Luz: [leaves to get a drink]

Gus: Okay, Amity. Now it's your turn to tell a secret!

Amity: [blushing as she tries to say it] I-I have a crush on... Luz.

Willow: Amity, he said "secret". You spaced out looking at a wedding dress the other day, and the first thing that came out of your mouth was her name.

* * *

Luz: Well, I'm heading off for Hexside. See you, King. Keep the girls out of trouble. (leaves)

King: [looking at the whining Cerberus puppy]

King: ...Well, you'd just be trouble if you stay here.

(later)

Luz: Amity! Emira! How's it going?

Emira: We're doing fine.

Luz: Where's Ed?

Edric: [runs up to them holding Reina, Ember, and Luzura] Look! I found a puppy!

Amity: Edric! That's Luz's dog!

Emira: Awwww... They're so cute! 

Emira: [starts to pet the puppies heads before realizing something] I don't have enough hands...

Luz: That's what I said!

* * *

Amity: Hey Luz my parents arent home right now, neither is Edric or Emira

Luz: Oh don't worry i'm sure they'll come back. in the meantime want me to come over and keep you company?

Amity: Yeah sure 

Amity: [turns around] not the way i wanted it to happen but i got the result i wanted

* * *

Amity: You all are not.

Emira: Y'all ain't.

Edric: YAINT.

* * *

Luz: Can I have a hug?

Amity: No.

Luz: What, why?

Amity: Because if I hug you, I’m not gonna be able to let go

* * *

Luz: [hands bowl of soup to Amity]

Half of Luz’s brain: careful, it’s hot

Other half of Luz’s brain: I made some soup

Luz: Careful, it’s soup!

* * *

Luz: Are you recording?

Amity: I pressed the thing and there's a red dot.

Luz: It is. [puts a little hat on Noodle] Look at him!

Noodle: [happy bleeps]

Amity: He's too cute!

Luz: Wait, I got an idea. 

Luz: [whistles for Luzura, Reina, and Ember] And now, we just do this.

[Noodle is now riding on top of the three-headed puppy like a snake cowboy]

Amity, whispering: This is the greatest thing I'll probably see until I become your wife.

Luz: What?

Amity: What?

* * *

Willow: [Gives Boscha a hug]

Boscha: Gross.

Boscha:

Boscha, whispering: Please don't let me go.

* * *

Boscha: What is that thing you just did?

Willow: A path on the back after you worked hard?

Boscha: Yeah, it was so gross!

Boscha:

Boscha, crying: Do it again, please

* * *

Luz: You're avoiding your problems.

Amity: What? No, I'm not.

Amity: Can we talk about this tomorrow?

* * *

Luz: I'm immune to mean and hurtful words because Amity says nice things to me every day and her love protects me

Willow: I'm immune to mean and hurtful words because Boscha says mean things to me every day, so I'm prepared


	42. All by my... SEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To the person who drew the Cerberus pup and Noodle.... CAN I ADOPT YOU?

Willow: I can't be the only one who notices.

Gus: Notice what?

Willow: The background music whenever Amity and Luz interact!

Amity: [Little miss perfect plays in the background] O-oh, hi Luz! Nice uh...weather...?

Luz: [Ordinary intensifies] Pff yeah that weather is crazy.

Amity: It has been a crazy gay--I MEAN DAY [Little Miss Perfect gets louder]

* * *

Eda: Who the fuck--

Camilia: Language.

Eda: Right. Whomst the fuck--

Camilia:

* * *

King: So what now?

Luz: Let's do what we do best King. Eat.

King: But its plastic.

Luz: What do you care? You drink out of a toilet.

King: So do you.

* * *

Amity: [giving Luz a tour of Blight Manor with the twins when they pull a lever]

Amity: It's a secret passage. Our parents had it built so they could scare guests.

Edric: And get to the kitchen faster.

* * *

-At a Sleepover

Luz: I mean, you can have my bed for tonight.

Amity: But I dont want to make you sleep on the couch or floor.

Luz: Well then maybe we could uh, share the bed?

Amity:

Amity: You planned this didn't you?

Luz: Who me? Well known fanfic writer and lover of tropes such as enemies to lovers, and there was only one bed? I've no clue what you're talking about.

* * *

Dana: Alright guys give some words of encouragement!

Gus: You are not a burden!

Willow: Your feelings matter!

Amity: Murder is okay!

Luz: It's okay to ask for help!

* * *

Amity: I'm ready to say those three important words to you.

Luz, touched: Let's say it together.

(At the same time)

Luz: I love you

Amity: Marry me, babe

Luz:

Luz: [experiencing technical difficulties]

* * *

Boscha: I'm the baddest bitch around and the Grudgby champ!

Skara: Hell yeah! Number one!

Boscha:

Boscha: [Starts crying]

Skara: Boscha?! What's wrong?

Boscha: I-sorry just no one else says that I usually just tell myself-

* * *

Emira: [puts salt in tea]

Viney: [sips tea]

Emira: ...Doesn't the tea taste bitter?

Viney: [smiles angelically] It does, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings, so I drank all of it.

Emira: [bursts into tears]

* * *

Skara: Wanna know my favorite think to do?

Boscha: Cheer?

Skara: Yeah. For you.

Boscha, wiping a tear away: That's fucking gross keep talking.

* * *

Amity: If I were the last witch on the Boiling Isles, would you date me?

Luz: If you were the last witch on the Boiling Isles, then I wouldn't exist.

Amity:

Amity: Fuck, you're right.

* * *

Amity: Yeah, we're best friends, but i would kiss you if you asked.

Luz: What?

Amity: What?

Willow: [eating chips in the background] You said you'd kiss her if she asked.

* * *

Luz: Thanks so much for puppy sitting, Skara.

Skara: [holding Reina, Ember, and Luzura] No problem, Luz. Anything for a friend of Amity's.

Luz: That means we're friends now! 

Luz: [hugs her]

Skara: ...Wow. No wonder Willow's so great. It's like you improve everything you touch.

Luz: Thanks!

Skara: Think you can try helping with Boscha's attitude?

* * *

Boscha: what are you reading?

Willow: a book of all the things I hate

Boscha: ahhh that’s a photo album of me

Willow: oh what a coincidence.

* * *

Willow, to Boscha: i’m going to sing a song for you

Willow: it’s called ‘how i feel about you’

Willow: [takes a deep breath]

Willow: [high pitched screaming]

* * *

Amity: This is for the girl who keeps shouting at us from the balcony. It's called "We Hate You, Please Die."

Boscha: Cool, a song for me!

* * *

Luz: McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!

Camilia: We have food at home

Luz: Awww

...

Luz: McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!

Lilith: [Pulls into the drive through]

Luz: [Cheering]

Lilith: One black coffee please

...

Luz: McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!

Eda: McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!

* * *

Amity: [sigh] Getting a girlfriend is so much easier in the movies.

Luz: Then how about I take you to one then?

Amity: [faints]

Eda: Damn son...Hella smooth.

* * *

Luz: You know what I love about you?

Amity: [smiles] What?

Luz: Oh, I was hoping you would know because I got nothing.

Amity: Why you little...

* * *

Edric: Act cool. I heard Luz is coming over to ask you out.

Amity: Oh my god oh my god.

Luz: Hey Ami, do you w-

Amity, screams: YES, I'd love to!

Luz: -ant to borrow my phone?

Amity:

Ed and Em: [cackling]

* * *

(after an adventure with Luz and her friends)

King: No, we came home because the demon died, and because the, uh, glowing sword turned out to be a, uh, glowing key.

Eda: Yeah, glowing key that can still stab people.

King: Right.

Lilith: So it is a sword, It just happens to function like a key in very specific situations.

King: Or it's a key all the time, and when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death.

Eda: God damn man, I would love to live in your world for about ten minutes.

King: Yeah. I have a really good time.

Eda: Ehehehyeah, it seems like it. You know I don't think I'd get anything done, but I probably wouldn't care that much.

* * *

Amity: [rolls over in bed] babe, are you awake?

Luz: [rolls over too] hey…yes

Luz: [kisses Amity's nose]

Amity: [smiles]  
__

Boscha: [rolls over in bed] are you awake, honey?

Willow: [violently flips over] the fuck you want, babe?

* * *

Luz: I’m cold.

Amity: what? [taking off her coat] I told you to bring more layers but of course, you didn’t listen and now [piling scarves onto Luz] now look, I’ve got to make sure you don’t FREEZE to death and [taking somebody else’s hat] how long have you been cold? you should have told me something sooner.

* * *

Amity, at Luz: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you said that was gay.

* * *

(Lying in bed together)  
Willow: You've never looked more beautiful.

Boscha: [blushes] Thank y- Wait,the lights are off and we're in complete darkness.

Willow: [smirks] I know.

Boscha: You piece of sh-


	43. NEW THANGS! BACK KICK SWING IT LIKE BRUCE LEE!!!

Boscha: [Shoves Willow] Watch it, nerd!

Willow: [Shoves back] You watch it!

Boscha: ...and like that, I find you more attractive.

* * *

Amity: My hands are cold

Luz: [holds her hand] Better?

Amity:

Amity: For some strange reason, my lips are also freezing?

* * *

Boscha: YOU KNOW WHAT? I WANT A DIVORCE!

Willow: WE’RE NOT EVEN MARRIED!

Boscha: AND WHOSE FUCKING FAULT IS THAT!?

* * *

Amity: hey, Luz

Luz: yeah?

Amity: what would you do if i broke up with you?

Luz: i would go back to my ex

Amity, pissed: oh really?

Amity: glad that i meant a lot to you then. we're over.

Luz: sure. let's go somewhere this weekend?

Amity: go date with your ex

Luz: but you are my ex

Luz: [winks]

Amity: **[B L U S H I N G I N T E N S I F I E S]**

* * *

Willow: So let me get this straight-

Amity: Gay.

Willow: -what?

Amity: Sorry, reflex.

Willow: I-

Willow: I give up.

* * *

Luz: Will you...

Luz: [gets on his knee]

Luz: Be my...

Luz: [shows a Pokeball]

Luz: Pokémon?

Amity: Oh my God yes!

Edric: [looks at Jerbo]

Edric: Why you rejected me when I did the same with a chicken nugget?

Jerbo:

Jerbo: Are you really asking me that?

* * *

Edric, wearing a tuxedo: Hello everyone, and welcome back to your favourite show, Late Night Thoughts with me, Edric! Today’s subject, what is sand, and is it called that because it’s between the sea and land?

Emira, sitting up on her bed: EDRIC. IT IS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND IF YOU DO NOT SHUT YOUR TRAP OH SO HELP ME I WILL SHOVE THAT STUPID BOWTIE RIGHT UP YOUR-

* * *

[Lumity]

Amity: will you be my girlfriend?

Luz: Heck yeah!

[Boschlow]

Willow: [breathes]

Boscha: carnival, 5 pm, imma pick you up!

[camileda]

Eda: So, is your husband dead or...

Camilia: what the fuck-

* * *

During an adventure:

Gus: We got separated from Willow, she’s the one with the brain cell. We are doomed!

Boscha: Guys, I have to admit, even my confidence is shaking, AND THAT EVER HAPPENS!

Luz: Nobody panic!!

Amity: Right! All we have to do is clone Willow!

Luz: Yeah! Boscha, give me a piece of her hair! I know you got one!

* * *

3 types of couples:  
Viney: I'm cold

Emira: here have my jacket [gives Viney her jacket]

Luz: I'm cold too

Amity: What? [taking off her jacket] I told you to bring more layers but of course you didn't listen and now [pilling scarves on Luz] now look, I've got to make sure you don't FREEZE to death [taking someone else's hat] how long have you been cold you should have said something sooner..

Willow: I'm cold too

Boscha: WELL DAMN BABE, I CAN'T CONTROL THE WEATHER.

* * *

Eda, entering the owl house after escaping the guards: Those idiots don’t know what they are doing anymore! I’m a good, decent, role model girl in society!

King: Define “good”.

Luz: or “Decent.”

Lilith: or “role model”

Hooty: Or “girl”.

Eda:

Eda: I’m gonna be drinking my apple blood in the kitchen.

* * *

Emira: Finally, I got a rest from mom trying to get me a date!

Edric: Is hell, I’m tired of this parade! I just want a six-foot-five guy walking through the   
door and try to date me.

Jerbo: I don’t see why the height matters.

Edric: Oh, from up here, you’ll see.

Emira: He got you there tiny Jerbo.

* * *

Noodle: [slowly approaches a leaf]

Amtiy: Aww Noodle wants to see the leaf

Noodle: [automatically does the prey wrestle thing reptiles for some reason do]

Amity: 0_0

* * *

Amity: [randomly comes across shed skin of Noodle]

Amity: Noodle?

Amity: NOODLE?!

Amity: [Starts to cry]

Amity: Please no....noodle-

Luz: [entering with Noodle on her back]

Luz: Hey Am- Holy

Amity: N-noodle...noodle

Luz: Noodle's right here

Amity:

Luz:

Amity: what?

Luz: Oh I forgot to tell you they shed skin

Amity:

* * *

Emira: I'm not saying I'd leave you for dead, but if we were stranded together on a random island and I found a boat before you, I'd leave.

Noodle: [Sad bleep]

Emira:

Emira: Okay fine, I'd bring you with me.

Noodle: Bleep!

Emira: I wouldn't get happy. I'm bringing you for a snack in case I get hungry.

* * *

Edric: Mittens, you have to marry Luz!

Amity: what? Why? I mean I’ll do it but, why?!

Edric: She just changed the bottle on the water cooler!

Amity:

Amity: Edric we can all do that.

Edric: She did it solo, with her hands

Amity:

Edric: I got it on video.

Amity: Let me see.

* * *

Emira: What do we say when we set fire to someone?

Amity: That was lit.

Emira: Sorry Mittens, we say sorry.

Amity: They kept flirting with Luz. I told them to stop. They said they'd turn up the heat.

Edric, nodding: So you set them on fire to establish dominance.

Amity: Ed gets me.

Emira:

Emira, dialing a number: Yes Boiling Isles Foster Homes? I have two new ones for you-

* * *

Lilith: Can anyone give me an example of something useless?

Luz: [Raises hand]

Lilith: Very good, anyone else?

Luz:

Eda: Bitch the fuck you say about my kid-

Lilith: Ah, this class is on a roll! Two useless things found so fast.

Eda:

* * *

Emira: Can I braid your hair?

Viney: Sure!

Viney: [Lets it down]

Viney: Sorry, it's always so messy.

Emira:

Edric: STOP!! STOP SHE'S ALREADY GAY!

* * *

Edric and Amity at family Christmas dinners: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to be the cousins who are gay!

Emira: I don't know them.

* * *

Edric at 4am: Maybe Jesus was gay the whole time. He was actually saying "ah, men."

Emira: [Stares into the void]

* * *

Odalia Blight: What do you look for in a man?

Amity: If they have a sister.

Odalia Blight: Ah, one can never have too many friendly connections to benefit the Blight name.

Amity: Sure mom.

* * *

Odalia Blight: Are you dating anyone?

Emira: Yep.

Odalia Blight: Who's the lucky boy?

Emira: [Laughs hysterically] Wow mom, I think that's the funniest joke you've ever made.

Odalia Blight:

* * *

Alador Blight: How's that gay phase going?

Edric: Stronger than your marriage.

Alador Blight:

* * *

Edric: I think we should change "being in the closet" to "keeping a straight face."

Amity: Ed that's-

Amity:

Amity: Wait it's fucking brilliant!

Edric: Coming from you that means a lot.

Amity: What is that supposed to mean?

Edric:

Edric, whispering: Straight hair, straight As, straight forward-

* * *

Edric: 1 2 3 4 open up the closet door. 5 6 7 8 don't assume your kids are straight--

Luz: Whoa.

Amity: Don't be impressed that's the only way he can do math.

* * *

Edric, texting Amity: Goodnight homo.

Edric: *homie

Edric: Eh same thing.

Amity:

* * *

Willow: And today on the green week, we are on the green prison, dealing with the horrible criminals.

Edric: I WAS FRAMED!

Jerbo, with tears and making his plant abomination sit on Edric: Is what they all say!

Edric: THEY PLANTED THAT STRAW ON ME, I NEVER USE STRAWS! EVEN WITH MY JUICE BOX I CUT IT WITH SCISSORS AND DRINK FROM IT LIKE A CUP! BABE! BELIEVE ME!

Emira, whispering: I planted that straw, there’s no way I’m losing my date with Viney.

* * *

Amity: [Repeatedly jumping on sidewalk cracks]

Luz: What are you doing?

Amity: I heard of this human spell. "Step on a crack, break your mom's back."

Luz:

Luz: I don't know what to tell you but-


	44. STRAY KIDS

Eda: Lilith I need you to watch King okay?

Lilith: Got it.

Eda: Remember to pay close attention.

Lilith: Like a hawk!

[Eda leaves]

Lilith, turns to where King was standing: Okay so we're-

[Notices King isn't anywhere to be seen]

Lilith:

Lilith: Fuck Edalyn is gonna kill me.

[Meanwhile]

King, running around the neighborhood and setting things on fire: I AM YOUR NEW GOD!

* * *

Luz, Singing romance songs in Spanish: Y así sabras que te amo…. Y que mi alma pertenece contigo…

Willow: What is she saying?

Gus: No idea.

Amity, blushing: I don’t know, but I think is making me gayer.

Willow: What?

Amity: What?

Luz: What?

* * *

(Emira and Viney out on a date)

Emira: You're late.

Viney: And you are stunning [finger guns]

Emira:

Emira: You are forgiven.

* * *

Luz: We are making an strike on Hexside!

Eda: Yes!

Lilith: I don’t like strikes, those are like starlight conjuring parties, it all gets messy and I have to stay cleaning it!

Luz:… At school strikes or starlight parties?

Lilith sighing and Eda smiling: Both.

* * *

(How the Blight children would come out)

Emira: [Brings Viney to a family party as a date]

Edric: [Tap dances out of a closet] Hippity hop, straight I am not.

Amity: I like my men like I like the color green. I hate the color green.

* * *

Edric: You wouldn't be mad at us for something we didn't do right?

Teacher: Of course not!

Emira: Great! We didn't do the homework.

Teacher:

* * *

Amity: My love for our parents is the same as my heterosexuality.

Edric: But you're a lesbian.

Amity: Exactly. The only straight thing I have is the arrow I'm going to aim at them.

* * *

Edric: I didn't slap you in the face! I high fived it!

Amity: WELL THEN HOW ABOUT A FIST BUMP TO THE FACE?!

* * *

Amity, crying: Luz....

Luz: who hurt my baby that I'm very oblivious to realizing that she loves me

Amity: [points at her parents]

Luz: 

Amity:

Odalia:

Luz: I'm gonna teach you the whole 'fun' word alphabet, a-

* * *

Concept Lumity AU

Amity: You won't be able to match me, human.

Luz: I can and I will!

Amity: I'd like to see you try.

Luz: Fine! I will.

Amity: Good.

Luz: Good!

Amity: Fine.

Luz: Fine!

Amity: [stares into Luz's eyes in a silent glare]

Luz: [does the same]

Willow: JUST KISS ALREADY!!

* * *

Luz: Witchcraft is about intent and the wording of a spell is often the product of the vernacular at the time therefore using "yeet" in a banishing spell is perfectly acceptable thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Edric: [Furiously taking notes]

Amity: What the actual fuck-

* * *

Luz: I am a mature witch.

Also Luz: Holy shit I can draw glyphs using glitter glue.

* * *

Willow:

Boscha:

Willow:

Boscha:

Willow: Hey

Boscha: 

Willow:

Boscha: how not good ing uh

* * *

Luz: Amity is my gf.

Willow: Oh fucking finally-

Luz: My great friend, my gf.

Willow:

Willow: Why are you like this.

* * *

Luz: Okay, Luz! You're ready for today! You can do anything you set your mind to as long as you don't get distracted!

Eda: Hey, Luz! That puppy your girlfriend made friends with Owlbert!

Luz: [turns to see Ember, Reina, and Luzura sleeping with Owlbert napping with all three heads surrounding him]

Luz: [adorable noise of cuteness overload]

Willow: (at Hexside) Where's Luz? She's an hour late for classes.

* * *

Guardian Angel AU

Boscha: Oh look, it's Loser.

Luz: Go away, Boscha.

Boscha: Hmm... No. Only divine intervention would make me leave. [laughs]

Amity: Guess that's my cue. [magics a trash can to fall over, scaring a cat, and making it jump onto Boscha's face]

Boscha: [flailing and screaming] GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!

Skara: Boscha! Stop running! You're scaring him!

* * *

Eda: so i heard you like bad girls 

Camilia: yeah

Eda: well not trying to impress you or anything, but i can swim without floaties

* * *

Luz: I love you!

Amity: I love you more!

Luz: No! I lo-

Boscha: SHUT UP, WE GET IT. YOU GUYS LOVE EACH OTHER BLAH BLAH BLAH. 

Boscha: [sobs hysterically]

Amity: Willow hasn't called back, has she?

Boscha: [sobs harder]

* * *

Amity: I’m really into dark humor

Luz, turning off the light: wanna hear a joke

* * *

Boscha: What do you think of boys with glasses?

Amity: I'm glad they can see.


	45. THE CIRCLE OF GAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY

Willow: I'll be leaving real quick, don't worry I'll be back.

Boscha: Not to be dramatic but if you leave I will die from the slightest millisecond of neglect and probably starvation.

* * *

Amity, in the cafeteria surrounded by first years: I lost my girlfriend in a flying staff accident... I told her to not fly through the ribs...

Luz, jumping over the crowd: STOP TELLING PEOPLE I DIED

Amity, shedding a tear: I still can hear her voice...

* * *

(Concept Lumity)

Luz: Mittens can you get me a pen.

Amity,mocks: cAn YoU gET mE a pEN.

Luz:

Amity:

Luz: let me reword that.

Luz: esposa, puedes obtene un bolìgrafo

Amity: No, obtenes bolìgrafo yo tù

Luz: Perdòneme

Amity: I said it.

Luz: WELL ITS FINALLY YOU HELPED ME FOR ONCE.

Amity: I SAVED YOUR BUTT AT SCHOOL

* * *

(Canon Lumity)

Amity: I need to tell you something...

Luz: what?

Amity: Luz....I-I love you

Luz: [smiles] aww

(Concept Lumity)

Amity: I love YOU.

Luz: BABE YOU BETTER.

Amity: DONT EVEN START-

Luz: NO GRITA A MI

Amity: B I-

* * *

(Concept Lumity)

Luz steering a staff, speeding away from monsters that are chasing them: If we die, I'm going to spend the rest of our afterlife reminding you that this was your fault.

Amity sitting behind Luz: I wouldn't mind having beautiful company as a ghost.

Luz: Now is not the time for flattery.

Amity: But babe it always is--

Willow, clinging for dear life on the end of the staff: NO THE FUCK IT'S NOT! IF WE DIE I WILL SEND YOU TO A SECOND PURGATORY BLIGHT!

* * *

Luz: Everyone in?

Edric: This plan of yours is going to get us killed. Of course I'm in.

Amity: I was in before you started talking.

Emira: Same as Mittens, but that's because someone has to keep you three alive.

* * *

(Concept Lumity)

Luz: You aren't my favorite person today.

Amity: I'm not your favorite person any day.

* * *

(What happens when Edric and Amity adventure alone)

Amity: What's our exit strategy?!

Edric: Our what?

Amity: Oh my Titan we're gonna die.

Edric: EM IS THE ONE WHO HAS THOSE!

Amity: WE. ARE. GOING. TO. DIE!

Edric: AND THEN EM IS GONNA KILL US!

[Meanwhile at the Blight manor]

Emira, drinking tea: I have the strangest urge to murder my siblings. Eh nothing new 

Emira: [sips tea]

* * *

(Concept Lumity)

Willow hiding in a corner: Go to laser tag with friends they said.

Amity: [runs past Willow screaming curses as Luz chases her]

Willow: It would be fun they said.

Luz: [tackles Amity too hard into one of the props, destroying it]

Willow: [Sighs in third wheel]

* * *

King: This is my life now. I have climbed upon this hill and I shall die upon it.

Eda: Shut up we've been hiking for 20 minutes.

* * *

Eda: On a scale of 1 to 10 how bad do you think it would be if I-

Lilith and Camilia: At least a twenty.

* * *

Eda: Did you bring us here to die?

Lilith: Obviously.

Eda: I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not.

* * *

(Concept Lumity)

Willow Gus Luz and Amity: [causally talking]

Luz: [takes one of amitys fries]

Amity: [loud gay gasp]

Luz: [turning away] im hungry so suck it.

Amity: [Louder gay gasp]

Luz and Amity: [arguing over the now cold fry]

Gus: does this happen a lot-

Willow: [war flashbacks to the other times shes third wheeled Luz and Amity] 

Willow: Yup

* * *

Gus: So how is your day

Willow: good, went through watching love by a third wheel's perspection.

Gus:Huh

Willow: [points over to Amity and Luz flirting]

Gus: oh, one of those days?

* * *

(Concept Lumity)

Amity: Did it hurt?

Luz: [Rolls her eyes] When I fell from Heaven?

Amity: [Smirks] No, when you fell for me.

Luz: I will shove you down a flight of stairs.

Amity: Right. It's only fair I fell for you too.

Luz:

Luz: You're dead to me.

Amity: That's deathly cold of you to say.

Luz: THAT'S IT!

* * *

Edric: the best part of an oreo is the cookie part

Amity: without darkness, light is blinding. without light, darkness consumes all. one cannot live without the other

Emira: yo socrates, it's a fucking cookie

* * *

(Isle Falls au (Gravity Falls + TOH)

Grunkle Stan: You look familiar...

Eda: So do you. Where do I know you from?

[Pause]

Eda and Grunkle Stan: Jail!

* * *

(Concept Lumity)

Luz: [Is getting hit on by some stranger]

Amity: Hey! Back off from my wife!

Stranger: Yeah well I don't see a ring!

Amity: Shit I knew I forgot something!

Amity: [Gets on one knee] Luz, will you marry me?

Luz:

Luz: WHAT?!

* * *

(Doctor au)

Patient Luz: I love sleep overs.

Doctor Amity: This isn't a sleep over, you're in a hospital.

Patient Luz: Then why am I in a nightgown?

Doctor Amity: That's a hospital gown.

Patient Luz: Truth or dare?

Doctor Amity:

Patient Luz:

Doctor Amity: Dare.


	46. News

Something happened to me yesterday that changed my life. 

Someone from Webnovel.com wanted to be my editor for Webnovel. They want me to send an original story and publish it on Webnovel.com

It was so overwhelming and I told my parents about it. They're proud of me and supported me. 

This means that I'll be focusing on working on my original novel and idk when will I update my TOH stories.

My original novel will be called "First Degree Burn"

I hope y'all would understand!


	47. News II

Okay, hear me out....

My first novel will be called "First Degree Burn". Since representation matters, my characters are indeed POC (did i spell it right?)

Plot: 

Daniel Park has been running for as long as he could remember. He thought that he could start anew and leave his past behind. When he arrives at a kingdom called "Relavia", he can already tell that this is the perfect place to have a fresh start. Until a wanted criminal barged into Daniel's house and goes by the name "Scarlette de la Rosa" and ask if he could hide them for a while. What Daniel didn't know, is that Scarlette has an artifact that they had stolen from the kingdom where Daniel was born and where he was cast away.

Main characters:

Daniel Park - Korean

Scarlette de la Rosa - Filipino and Non Binary

I don't know when this will be available on Webnovel but I think I can publish this here as well. STAY TUNED!


	48. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Boscha: Willow, I need a favor.

Willow: I’m not giving you a kiss again.

Gus: Kiss?

Luz: Again??

* * *

Camilia: I swear to God if you continue to steal my kitchen utensils I'm moving out.

Eda: That's a whisk I'm willing to take

* * *

Willow: Kill them with kindness.

Boscha: Got it. Stab them.

Willow: nO-

Boscha: Oh right. Stab them. With love.

* * *

Viney: I hate it when people ask me to "explain my thought process" as if I know.

Viney: "What's going on in that head of yours?" Nothing I want to be a part of.

* * *

Edric: Hewwo! I wiww be youw sewgeon today! Intewnaw bweeding you say? Wet's make ouw fiwst wittwe incision!

Emira: Dowcto, Wew're wosing him!!

Luz: Qwick, hand me the defibwiwatow!!

Amity: Please. Turn off my fucking life support.

* * *

[Beta Lumity]

Amity: We complete our sentences!

Luz: Yeah

Amity: We are (girlfriends)

Luz: gays

Amity:

Luz:

Amity: That's not what I meant

Luz: WELL EXCUSE ME

Willow: perfectly ending sentences, right.

* * *

[Beta Lumity]

Amity: [throws a pen at Luz]

Luz: FUCK YOU

Gus: that's a weird way of saying thank you. wonder if it's Human slang?

* * *

[Beta Lumity]

Luz: Babe, you already scared half the school, you can stop the glare~

Amity, hugging Luz by the hips and holding her arm over her shoulders: No

Luz: _Princesa_ please...

Amity: I'll stop when those harpies stop that annoying thing

Luz: What? They aren't even looking at us!

Amity: Breathing

Luz:

Luz: OK Listen-

* * *

[Beta Lumity]

Luz: Why can't I see willow?

Amity: I don't want you to

Luz: But willow is your friend and mine!

Amity: No, you aren't friends with Willow anymore

Luz: WHy can't I be friends with girls now?!

Amity: You can be friends with ugly ones!

* * *

[Beta Lumity]

Willow, with a mug full of coffee: Hey gals, could you pass me the sugar? 

Amity: Sure 

Amity: [Passes Luz hand]

Luz: Aren't you sweet?

Amity: [Get's Luz's hand inside the burning hot coffee] Am I what now babe?

* * *

(Around 27 w/ 9yr old bi gurl child)

Luz:

Amity:

Luz: So...who is taking Azura to school.

Amity: You.

Luz: I did it, yesterday babe.

Amity: yeah, do it again,

Luz: No, it's your turn

Amity: Since when.

Luz: You haven't even taken her all week.

Amity; Your fault for agreeing.

Luz: You're taking her.

Amity: No I-

Luz: No kisses. 

Amity: OH, ALL THE SUDDEN I WANT TO, AZURA PACK YOUR BAGS

* * *

[Beta Lumity]

Gus: Hey, why are Luz and Amity punching each other in the gut?

Willow: They're trying to see who will throw up first.

Gus: Should we stop them?

Willow: Well I thought about it.

Willow: [takes a long sip of tea]

Willow: But titan knows I need a break.

* * *

[Beta Lumity]

[lu and amitea are sitting on a bench].

Luz: [Lays her hand over Amity's]

Amity, retracts: What are you doing.

Luz: I dunno, what are you doing.

Amity: Mmmm, no idea [slowly leans on to Luz]

Luz: OH, so I can't hold your hand?

Amity: You gotta work for it.

Luz:

Amity:

Luz; [shoves off and runs]

Amity: GET BACK HERE

Luz: YOU GOTTA WORK FOR IT

* * *

Skara: People often wonder how I deal with Boscha.

Skara: [drinks water]

Skara: I fucking can't.

* * *

Willow: So um I'm a third wheel and Gus is hanging out with human group

Boscha: So um my friends kinda left me for you

Willow: So um, you wanna hang out more

Boscha: um yeah

* * *

Willow: So, how was your day?

Skara: The usual. Boscha being a bitch, Bo helped me with some new magic, and Amelia made a small bet with Cat. You?

Willow: [as Gus runs by screaming from an illusion made by the twins, Luz chases after her Cerberus puppy, and Amity gushes over Luz] The usual.

* * *

Lilith, teaching Amity how to fly a staff: Okay, so let's say Your father and mother walk into the road while you're flying. What do you hit?

Amity: My Mother, definitely.

Lilith:

Lilith: The brakes, Amity. You hit the brakes!

* * *

Amity: I have a solution

Luz: Thank god!

Amity: It involves fire

Willow: Absolutely not

* * *

Willow: Luz, what are you doing?

Luz: [hanging up flyers] I've decided to put together a human competition for the students here at Hexside.

Gus: [reading the flyer] "Miss Hexside Contest"?

Luz: It's like a popularity contest. Students can nominate whoever they want to be named "Miss Hexside" and pretty much be loved for however long they care for. Plus, it gives them dating options if they do well.

Gus: Who would want to sign up for that?

Amity: [immediately nominates Luz]

* * *

(Doctor au)

Lilith: Edalyn I'm here for a check up-

Eda: I diagnose you with bitch.

Lilith:

Eda: It's incurable. Side effects include: resting bitch face, always yelling at me-

Lilith: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!

Eda: Shhh shhh, Lily that's just the bitch flaring up again.

* * *

(Beta Lumity + Doctor au)

Amity: Bad news, you have 3 days to live. Good news, it can be cured by kissing me.

Luz:

Luz: Well it was nice knowing you.

Amity: Oh come on!

* * *

[Beta Lumity]

Luz: [running across the hall]

Gus: Luz, what's wrong?

Luz: NO TIME TO CHAT, GOTTA RUN

Willow: Hm?

Amity: L U Z

Willow: Oh this again.

Gus: What again.

Amity: OH LUZY POO, WANNA TALK ABOUT HOW MY HAIR HAS A BOLD SPOT?!

Luz: IT WAS ON ACCIDENT I SWEAR

Amity: [bolts for Luz]

Luz: AMITY, WAIT!

[They crash down, Amity pulling on Luz's strain of hair]

Amity: IMMA TEAR YOU TO SHREDS

Luz: AT LEAST YOU LOOK ALRIGHT

Amity: alright? Hehehe... ALRIGHT 

Amity: ILL SHOW YOU WHATS ALRIGHT, ABOUT MY MOUTH ON YOURS.

Luz: WAIT!

Willow: every year.


	49. KAI'S MOM

(Beta Lumity when they first meet)

Luz: Who are you?

Amity: Who you're meant to be with. [Wink]

* * *

(Beta Lumity)

Luz: If you do that again I will throw you out the fucking window--what are you doing?

Amity, looking out the window: Checking how high the drop is, see if it's worth it.

* * *

Eda: Is it still murder if I give them a heads up?

Lilith: That's called a threat.

Eda: Damn.

* * *

Amity: Hey Luz let’s play 3 truths and a lie

Luz: Isn’t it two tr-

Amity: I have straight hair

Amity: I get straight A’s

Amity: I think straightforward

Amity: I am a straight girl

Luz: the third one

Amity, facepalming through her own skull: sure Luz

* * *

(Chef au)

Willow: Someone replaced the oregano with weed! Everyone who ate the spaghetti is fucking high, Boscha!

Boscha: I didn't do it!

Willow: Then why are you laughing?!

Boscha: Because whoever did was a fucking genius!

* * *

Eda: I feel a spree coming on.

Eda: It's either shopping or killing and I don't know which yet.

* * *

Eda: I think my problem is that I have fantastic bad ideas.

* * *

Amity at Luz and Edric: I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.

* * *

Eda: Lazy is such an ugly word, I prefer "selective participation."

* * *

Luz: I take warm showers cause it reminds me of hugs.

Amity: I take hot showers to practice burning in hell.

* * *

Edric: I might be dumb, but I'm not stupid.

Emira: you ate crud rice and drank boiling water to cook rice in your stomach.

Edric: The doctor said it work so the joke it's on you!!

* * *

Lilith: What would you do if you attracted what you feared?

Eda: Oh no! Suddenly I'm developing a fear of 10 billion snails raining in front of my house.

* * *

Eda: Bitches be trippin'...okay maybe I pushed one of them.

Lilith: YOU PUSHED ME!

Eda: Like I said I pushed one.

* * *

Eda: I wasn't planning on going on a run today. But man those cops came out of nowhere.

Lilith: You robbed a bank.

Eda: Yeah! Not a police station like damn why they gotta be so many at the bank!

* * *

Gus: Boscha isn't here today so it's really quiet. Got any idea why?

Willow: Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

Gus:

Gus: I feel a threatening aura from that response.

* * *

Willow: I hug the people I hate so I know how big to dig the hole in my backyard.

* * *

Odalia: I've said this once Amity, black isn't the color I chose for you.

Amity wearing a black collar, nail polish, and black eye shadow: Well you aren't the mom I picked for myself.

* * *

(Beta Lumity)

Amity: I believe in love at first sight.

Luz: I believe in annoyed at first sight.

* * *

Lilith: Why can't you two be normal

Eda: What is normal

Luz: Haven't heard of it

Lilith: Oh c'mon

Amity: Wait, that's a thing?

Lilith: Not you too!

* * *

(Diner AU)

Emira: This place seems nice.

Edric: Yeah, pretty retro.

Amity: Whatever, let's just get lunch and leave.

Luz: [skates up to their booth] Hi, can I take your order?

Amity: [blushing at the cute waitress] Um, I-uh...

Emira: We might want to start with some ice water. [laughs]

* * *

Willow: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CALL BOSCHA AND INVITE HER HERE?

Amity: AND WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CALL LUZ?

Willow: BOSCHA IS IN LOVE WITH ME!

Amity: SO? LUZ IS IN LOVE WITH ME!

Luz: Now wait a second-

* * *

Luz: I scanned my math test and use Photoshop to change my math score to 67 to 92 and then I showed you my fake test 

Camilia: _Mija!_

Eda: I'm really disappointed at you, kid

Luz: 

Eda: when you pull a scam, you gotta destroy the original evidence so you don't get caught!

Camilia: [facepalmed]

* * *

Amity: Sometimes I don't know if I want to kill you or kiss you

Luz: you generally end up doing both

* * *

Mrs. Blight: I don't want my best daughter dating a screw-up!

Luz: Yeah, well I don't want my best ever crush and 'enemies to lovers' perfect troop daugthering a jerk face mom!

* * *

Eda: To the secret lab! [she and King stand next to a pair of levers] Pull the lever, King.

King: You got it. [pulls the lever on the left and Eda falls through a trapdoor]

Eda: [falling down the pit] WRONG LEVEEEEEEEER! [she splashes into water]

King: Huh?


	50. Sneak Peek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love everyone who supported this quote book! So, if its no trouble, here's a sneak peek of my original story for Webnovel!

Running. That's all that Daniel has been doing for his whole life. He could barely feel his feet moving whenever he takes a step. All around him is a blur. He doesn't remember the last time he had taken a rest from running. 

Daniel was clutching his satchel close to his chest as his short legs were trying its best to run faster. All he could hear behind him were the guards chasing behind him. One of them is the young Captain Yuta Fukushima, determined to capture the king's stepson, along with the cheery and careless sidekick, Kyle Clarkson. There's no point in hiding now, but he couldn't let them bring him back to the kingdom. 

"Just surrender, brat!" A distant voice of a guard shouted.

"Sooner or later you'll be tired of running and we'll bring you back to the king!" Another voice of a guard added.

"Yeah! So we can collect the reward and be the talk of the town!"

"Shut it, Kyle!"

"Sorry, Captain Yuta!"

He didn't want to go back to that selfish man. King Theodore Maxwell II wasn't what he thinks he seems to the public's eyes. Sure he is a brave and confident man, but once he's inside the castle... you'll see a real monster behind the mask. 

Daniel's mom, Katherine Park died not too long ago. He saw the king, holding his sword, stained by blood. From that moment, Daniel knew he had to run away. That's what his mother would have said to him when they're in danger.

He never actually liked the king from the start. He didn't like the way he mistreated his mother and he never understood what his mother sees in that cruel man. His mother endured the pain and reminding her son that it was a misunderstanding, but Daniel always knew it wasn't. 

Captain Yuta wasn't going to rest until he captures the young prince, so he pulls out his net gun and aims at Daniel. 

"Sir, he's just a child! One wrong move and King Theodore will have our heads!" Kyle warned.

"If the king wants the kid, he's getting the kid! No matter what it takes!" Yuta shouted and goes back to focusing on his aim. 

Daniel looked behind him and gasp when he saw the captain, ready to shoot his net gun at him at any moment. This was it, he is gonna be captured and send him back to the king. Back to that cruel man who he regretted calling 'father'.

Then, he accidentally tripped on a tree root and was sent tumbling down the slope. Captain Yuta lost his target and began to carefully slide down the slope and continues to chase down the little boy. The world around the young prince is spinning all the while enduring the pain from the stones of the slope. 

Daniel immediately got up after tumbling down the slope and starts running again. 

Captain Yuta wasn't giving up easily. He didn't want to disappoint the king and everyone in the kingdom have low expectations from him because he's the youngest captain in the kingdom and doesn't expect him to exceed. He would be embarrassed he couldn't capture a child.

Daniel stops running when he saw that he was near the rapid river. He looks down and gulps nervously at how strong the river flows that he might die hitting a rock when he jumps. The young prince could hear Captain Yuta's voice from the distance and knew that he doesn't have any other choice. 

Daniel Park needed to take this risk. It's better than going back to the king.


	51. MY FAVORITE ARTIST FOLLOWED ME BACK AND NOW WE'RE FRIENDS AAAAAAAAH

Eda: We need to deal with these losers from the Emperor's Coven. Good thing I weaponized these failed potions. [reveals a bag of bottles]

King: Never fear! The King of Demons is here! [grabs a bottle and throws it, but it bounces off the wall and spills out next to them]

Eda: [staring at King and the potion that's ready to explode] That...was the worst throw ever. Of all time.

King: Not my fault. Somebody put a wall in my way.

* * *

(Monster AU)

Luz: Ever since becoming a werewolf, I've been discovering a lot more about myself. For example, I've developed this primal urge to chase moving objects. (wags her tail and sees it) Like that! Come here, you!

Amity: [watching the whole thing and thinks to herself] I can't believe I'm attracted to her.

* * *

Luz: "My wife" just has some kickass to it, ya know? Like, 'Get away from my wife!' 'No one talks to my wife!' 

Luz: Marriage is gonna be very magical.

Luz: "I didn't kill my wife!"

Gus: Oh, who's that fella?

Willow: I bet she did kill her wife.

Amity standing nearby: wtf

* * *

Amity, red from rage and in a dress: Luz, babe, what was the only thing I washed you not to do on our anniversary?

Luz, looking down and playing with her fingers: Raised chaos...

Amity: And what did you do?!

Luz: Raise chaos.....

Amity: Why did you have to start a lobster revolution?!

Luz: They wanted a sauna!

* * *

Boscha: FOUR MONTHS

Gus: what's she talking about

Willow: don't worry about it

Boscha: THAT'S HOW LONG YOU KNOWINGLY WATCHED ME WATER A FAKE PLANT

* * *

Lilith: I believe that was the thing I told you not to do.

Eda: And you really thought I'd listen.

* * *

(Beta Lumity)

Luz at Amity: Sorry I hung up on you last night.

Luz: I didn't mean to answer you.

* * *

Eda: That is a terrible, horrible, incredibly foolish idea.

Eda: Let's do it and see what happens.

* * *

Boscha: Can we just try to put this behind us?

Luz: You tried to push me off a building!

Boscha: And I failed, I was taught to move on from my failures.

Luz: YOU'RE STILL TRYING TO PUSH ME OFF A BUILDING!

Boscha: I was also taught the second time is the charm-

* * *

Amity, Willow, and Luz: (sitting in front of Principal Bump's office waiting for their guardians)

Lilith: [walking in with Eda, Alador, and Odalia] What did you do this time?

Amity: We were framed!

Willow: It was Boscha's fault!

Luz: I'm young and impressionable!

[Bump gestures for the current guardians to enter]

Odalia: Let's get this over with.

Eda: I'm sure it wasn't that bad.

[Bump explains everything]

Alador and Eda: They did WHAT?!

Bump: The good news is that the fire is finally under control. And the cats are expected to regrow most of their fur.

* * *

Eda: So kid, you finally get a girlfriend yet?

Luz: [nods and holds up a peace sign]

Eda: TWO GIRLFRIENDS?!

* * *

Emira: Hey Mittens~ Can I sleep in your room tonight?

Amity: Why?

Emira: Can't I just want to spend time with my baby sister?

AMity: What did Edric do?

Emira:

Emira: He is trying my clothes again.

Amity: And?

Emira:

Emira: My high boots look better on him

* * *

Luz: [as she and the others gush over the adorable Cerberus puppy] Awww, so cute.

Viney: I wonder what they're dreaming of?

Amity: Who knows?

Skara: I bet it's adorable.

[cut to Reina, Ember, and Luzura's dream]

Luz: I give the Tummy Rubs! I'm a good girl!

Amity: [holding a box of dog treats] I sneak the treats. I'm the best girl.

Hooty: I'm a chew toy. [Squeaky-toy noise]

Willow: I'm the Willow, let's fight! HUUUEAA— (Swings a punch at a random Boscha)

* * *

Willow: [sighs happily] I love my new job at the florist. Things are so peaceful and customers always ask for my advice on what flowers to get.

Luz: I read that certain flowers have certain meanings.

Willow: That's true. You'd be amazed at the variety. But most people are clueless about the meanings of some plants.

Amity: [dropping a bag of cash in front of Willow] How do you say "fuck you" in flowers? I want to give Boscha and my parents some "presents".

* * *

Luz: Amity is so scary, I wonder what she’s thinking.

Amity, staring at her lunch: FUCK YEAH it’s nugget day

* * *

Gus: Crushes are the worst. 

Luz: Yeah. Whenever I’m near someone I have a crush on, I start acting stupid. 

Willow: You’re always acting stupid.

* * *

Amity: Is Luz home? I’d like to take her on a date. 

Camilia: To associate with my daughter, you must complete these qualification forms. 

[Hours Later]

Lilith: What did you get for question 319? 

Amity: C) Lure the space tiger away from Luz by imitating a chicken strip. 

Camilia, Eda, and Lilith nodding their heads: Impressive.

* * *

Boscha: It must be a dreary existence, unable to love, to eat, to sleep, to laugh... I feel sorry for you.

Willow: I can laugh. I have a sense of humor, you know.

Boscha: Really? I’ve never heard you laugh before.

Willow: I’ve never heard you say anything funny.

* * *

Principal Bump: Now to begin this presentation. Edric Blight, would you hit the lights, please?

Edric: Sure thing, teach! [Pulls out a slingshot and shoots at the light, destroying it]

Principal Bump: [Pinching the bridge of his nose, understandably annoyed] Thank you.

* * *

Willow: The flowers talk to people if you choose the right ones.

Amity: I want to give Boscha roses.

Willow: Really? Never thought you would go for that but O-

Amity: Make sure the thorns are sharp, and no envelope, please.

Willow:

Willow: that explains it.

* * *

Luz: I really think you should stop drinking so much coffee.

Amity: It cures depression.

Luz: No it doesn't!

Amity: MORE ESPRESSO LESS DEPRESSO!

* * *

Willow: For the last time it's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli.

Boscha: I know what I saw.

* * *

Luz: I want some plant soup.

Amity: 

Amity: you want some what?

Luz: P l a n t s o u p.

Willow: She means she wants tea.

* * *

Eda: Explain how Luz broke her leg.

Amity: We were running down a hill and a deer jumped in front of us. I yelled, "Luz, deer!"

Eda: And Luz, what did you do?

Luz: I...said "yes honey?"

Eda:

Eda: Titan I'm too old for this mushy shit-

* * *

Luz: Christmas is next week!

Eda: The fuck is that?

Gus: Yeah what's that?

Luz: DO YOU GUYS NOT CELEBRATE FUCKING CHRISTMAS?!

* * *

Luz: [Trips on air]

Amity: Haha you're so clumsy.

[Later when Luz isn't around]

Amity, punching the air: Who the fUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! DO THAT AGAIN, I DARE YOU-

* * *

Luz: And then Santa gets down the fireplace and leaves gifts!

Willow: An old guy comes into your house? 

Gus: WHile you are asleep?

Amity: To leave things you didn't ask him for?

Luz: Yeah! If you were good, if you were bad he just leaves you rocks

Willow, Gus, and Amity:

Willow: I'll block the fireplace

Gus: I'll hide the house

Amity: I'll put spikes on the roof

Luz: GUYS N-

* * *

Luz: Santa is a pretty neat guy, I think I met him once when I was a kid.

Willow: You met Santa, Greater Basilisk of Blood Sacrifice?

Luz:

Luz: I-

* * *

Willow: What's Halloween?

Luz: OH, its where you dress up like a monster! Like Witches and Demons- ok I know it sounds bad

* * *

Luz: Halloween is pretty cool. I usually dress up like some of my greatest fears.

Amity: How does one dress up like the fear of rejection.

Luz: Uh...dress up like a college application?

Amity: I don't know what college is but it sounds evil.

Luz:

Luz: Well kinda-

* * *

Luz: Amity, let's have matching costumes!!!!

Amity: OK

[Later that day]

Luz, dressed like Azura: This is not what I meant

Amity, dressed like a matches box: How was I supposed to know?


	52. Kai is bb UwU

Emira, staring at an empty tray of cookies: How many did you eat, roughly?

Edric: None! I ate them gently.

Emira: I can't tell if that's you being stupid or sarcastic anymore.

* * *

Edric: IM GONNA JUMP OFF THIS BUILDING! WOOOO!

Amity: OH MY TITAN! Stop him!

Emira: Do a flip!

* * *

Emira: Can you pick up some milk?

Edric: [Lifts milk gallon] Yeah pretty easily.

Emira: No, from the store.

Edric, confused: I'm pretty sure it weighs the same there too.

* * *

Edric: Em and I decided you remind us of the ocean.

Amity: Because I'm deep and mysterious?

Emira: Because you're salty and scare people.

* * *

Edric: My social media doesn't work anymore.

Emira: Have you tried closing the window and opening it again?

Edric: I'm not stupid, look stand up and walk to the window, opening it and closing it see?!

Emira:

Emira: Why are you like this?

* * *

Emira: A tale as old as time.

Edric: A meme as old as vine.

Edric and Emira singing together: Beauty and The Yeet!

Luz: Wha-

Amity: Don't. Questioning it only encourages them.

* * *

Amity: We're going to die!

Luz: Think positively!

Amity: We're going to die quickly!

* * *

Edric through a walkie talkie: Eyes on the prank victim, ready to go.

Emira: Copy.

Edric: Stop calling me that I'm not an illusion.

Emira:

Emira: Why do I even bother.

* * *

Boscha: What the shit, people actually tell their crush they like them?

Willow: What the hell do you do?

Boscha: I die? What kind of question-

* * *

Edric: This is Em and I's house.

Luz: What's upstairs?

Edric: Pff stairs don't talk.

Luz:

* * *

Lux: :(

Amity: Turn that frown upside down.

Luz: ):

Amity: Now listen here you little shit-

* * *

Boscha: Tomorrow is garbage day.

Willow: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.

* * *

(Beta Lumity)

Luz, coming into the student council meeting: Sorry I'm late, I was busy doing things.

[Amity bursts in, disheveled and panting]

Amity: SHE PUSHED ME DOWN THE STAIRS!

* * *

(Beta Lumity)

Luz: When I first met you, I didn't like you.

Amity: I am aware of that.

Luz: But then we spent some time together.

Amity: Uh huh...?

Luz: It did not get better.

* * *

Eda: Do you know what question I'm asked most often?

Lilith: Will you please leave the premise?

Luz: Are you aware that this is private property?

Eda: You know I can't really say that's wrong.

* * *

(Beta Lumity)

[In a jail cell]

Luz: I HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!

Amity: What you have is the right to remain silent.

Amity: What you lack is the capacity.

Luz: BITCH-

* * *

Viney: Can you at least try to see this from my perspective?

Emira: Oh right [crouches down]

Viney: REALLY?!

Emira: Ooooh I got ya [sits on the floor]

Viney: Stupid fucking tall people-

* * *

Edric: I'm cold.

Amity: Just like my heart.

Emira: Now is not the time for you two to try and out angst each other.

* * *

Emira: Shout out to our parents for making the most perfect kids ever.

Luz: So congratulations to Amity.

Edric: Yeah that's fair.

* * *

(Lumity Wedding)

Edric: The brides have been perfect for each other since they were teenagers.

Emira: But they were complete disasters. You should have seen Amity practice flirting with an abomination shaped like Luz. Too bad you weren't there like we were.

Edric: It's a good thing we recorded and can show everyone using magic.

Luz: (holding back Amity from ripping her siblings to pieces)

* * *

Luz, Pathing: Guys, Boscha is not looking away from her phone!! 20 snails on the pot everyone, who makes her look takes all!

Willow, Edric, Emira, Skara, willow, and Gus: I'm in!

Willow, walking up to her and doing pretty eyes: Hey Boscha, wanna go out tonight?

Boscha, without looking: Yeah, text you the address.

Gus, set on flames: Boscha I'm dying!! 

Boscha, still not looking up: Congrats...

Edric, with two monkeys and an alpaca: He-

Boscha kicks him in the face without looking up: Hi

Skara, with a guitar and a huge cake: Boscha happy "You are awesome day!"

Boscha without looking: All days are that

Luz, bleeding: Boscha, I messed up so bad and it's so cinematographic! 

Boscha, STILL NOT looking up: I'll watch the film later

Luz: Guys, this is impossible.

Emira, with her own scroll: not so sure.

Boscha, looking up and terrified: Emira!!! is that right?!?!?!?!?!?

All the rest: HOW?!

Emira: Changed my relationship status to "it's complicated" in you faces suckas!!!

[Emira scroll buzzed.]

Emira: Oh. It is Viney... (Through call) hey babe... No, it was a mistake!... M-my thumb slipper and-! [Scroll hangs up]

Emira, taking the money and sweating: Gotta get to Viney!


	53. MANG INASAL SERVER QUOTES STUFF IDK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE A WIFE AND I LOVE HER SO FUCKING MUCH
> 
> Our love story is better than Twilight!

Kun to Meatball: You look cute when you’re angry.

Meatball: Ooh, you think I’m cute when I’m angry?

Meatball: Well, get ready because I’m about to be gorgeous!

Kun:

* * *

Meatball: I’ve got no chance with Kun. Hee’s adorable, he’s cool, and he’s bisexual! That means he likes men AND women!

Seru: I know what bisexual means.

Meatball: I can’t compete with that! That’s too many people Seru! That’s ALL the people!

* * *

Kun: I am 100% capable of controlling my emotions.

Sab: you cried yesterday for an hour because Meatball smiled at you

Kun: yOU SHOULDVE SEEN IT, IT WAS SO WARM AND GENUINE

* * *

Kaz: these pens looks so cute

Sleepy: Kaz, that's gay

Kaz:

Kaz: Sleepy, we've been dating for

* * *

Kun: [Flirts with Meatball]

Meatball: [Flirts back]

Kun:

Meatball:

Kun:

Meatball: Aren't you going to say anything?

Kun: I didn't think I'd get this far.

* * *

[3 types of couples (except for the third one)

Sleepy: What do bees make?  
Kaz: Honey?  
Sleepy: Yes dear?

Kun: what do bees make  
Meatball: Some stupid fucking annoying sound  
Meatball: The fuck do you want?

Sab: What do bees make?  
Seru: [never answers]

* * *

Sleepy: It’s time to wake up, Kaz.

Kaz: 5 more minutes…

Sleepy, smiling softly: 5 more minutes [snuggles up to Kaz]

* * *

Meatball: It’s time to wake up.

Kun: 5 more minutes…

Meatball: [Sharpening knife] Maybe you misheard me

* * *

Sab: why are your tongues purple?

Meatball: we had slushies. I had the blue one

Kun: I had the red one.

Sab: oh

Sab: OH

Seru: you drank each other's slushies?

* * *

Sab: guys I'm not gay

Everyone: [shows a picture of Seru]

Sab: damn it!

* * *

Lars: in every group of friends, there's the furry

Everyone: [points at Kun]

Kun: JUST BECAUSE I CAN MAKE ANIMAL SOUNDS-

* * *

Kun: my girlfriend is too tall to kiss on the lips. What should i do?

Sab: punch her in the stomach. Then when she doubles over in the pain, kiss her.

Year: tackle her

Notholmes: kick her in the shins

Meatball: NO TO ALL OF THOSE JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN

* * *

Kun: I've never had a best friend before

Meatball: ill be your best friend!

Kun: I've never had a wife before either-

* * *

Kun, introducing Meatball to Kai: Dad, this is my wife Meatball.

Kai, relieved: Oh thank God I thought you'd be alone forever.

Kun: Dad!

Kai: I'm sorry Kun but I know you. You're...a little dense.

Kun: I am not--

Meatball: I took him out on dates for a whole month before he realized they were dates. I kissed him and he told me 'I didn't know we were best friends.'

* * *

Kun: why do you watch true crime?

Meatball: [goes over and kisses Kun] In case you slip up

Kun: I feel very unsafe

* * *

Meatball: What happens if I press the accelerator and the break at the same time?

Kun: The car takes a screenshot.

Kai: For the last time, get the fuck out.

* * *

Guddy: So kid, you finally get a girlfriend yet?

Kun: [nods and holds up a peace sign]

Kai: TWO GIRLFRIENDS?!

* * *

Sab: I made tea

Seru: I dont want tea

Sab: I didnt make you tea, this is my tea

Seru: Then why did you tell me?

Sab: Its a good conversation starter

Seru: Thats a horrible conversation starter

Sab: Oh? Were conversing arent we?

* * *

Kun: I hate being touched. I hate human contact.

Kun: the last time I touched someone was 4 years ago when I punched them.

Kai: You're literally sitting on your wife's lap.

Kun: This means nothing.

* * *

Sab: will u date me? breathe if it's a yes, recite the bible in japanese if it's a no

Seru: and then jesus said: "omae wa mou shindeirou" and moses answered: "nani!?"

* * *

Sab: When I was 7 I had a crush on someone in my school and didn’t know how to deal with it, so I wrote them a letter that just said “get out of my school”.

Seru: That was YOU?!

* * *

Chups: OH MY GOHD GUYS LOOK WHAT I FOUND—

Sab: wut?

Chups: ITS A WHEEEZE— of-...Lilith XD

Sab: what! XD

chups:imma read it XDDDD

Sab: NO DONT YOU'LL RUIN YOUR EYES XDDD—

Chups: [reads it anyways in different accents]

* * *

Kaz: [a large box in her arms]: what would you say if I came home one day with six puppies?

Sleepy: what’s in the box

Kaz:

Sleepy: what’s in the box, Kaz?

Kaz: I think you know

* * *

Kun: [carves "K + M" into a tree]

Meatball: what a nerd

Meatball: [tears up] [adds "4ever"]

* * *

Seru: [Is about to do the dishes]

Sab: Can you do the dishes?

Seru: Well now I don't fucking want to.

* * *

Kai: Son, remember you're one in a million.

Kun: That means there seven thousand of me in the world.

Guddy: Find yourself.

Kai: Start an army.

Year: Overthrow the government.

* * *

[Kai enters the kitchen to find Kun sobbing in the middle of the floor]

Kun: Life is meaningless. I feel nothing. I'm not strong enough to go on-

Kai, sighing: What fanfiction got put on hiatus this time?

* * *

Meatball: Whoever I date must be dignified, powerful, intelligent--

Kun: Meatball! Look what I can do! [Shoves an entire hot pocket in his mouth at once]

Meatball: -that one. I want that one.

* * *

Meatball: Sometimes I feel like dying.

Kun: Wha-

Meatball: But then I remember I won't be able to see you again if I do.

Kun, blushing: AKSHDSKALHD

[Meanwhile]

Sab: Sometimes I feel like dying.

Seru: Good for you.

* * *

Kun: i bet i can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth!

Meatball: you're a hazard to society

Kai: and a coward do 20

* * *

Meatball: ouch! i cut my finger

Kun: let me kiss it

Meatball: how does that help?

Kun: whenever i got hurt, my dad always kisses it to make it better and it worked for some reason

[later]

Meatball, to Seru: bro, i need you to punch my lip really really hard


	54. MANG INASAL SERVER QUOTES STUFF PART II

Kun: [Gets down on one knee]

Meatball: Oh my god its finally happening

Kun: [ties his shoe]

Meatball: he stopped wearing crocs!

Alternatively:

Kun: [gets down on one knee]

Meatball: Oh my god its finally happening

Kun: [ties his shoe]

Meatball: for fucks sake 

Meatball: [knocks Kun over]

* * *

Kun: Do you think Meatball really loves me?

Kai: You’ve been married to her for three years.

Kun: Yeah but maybe she felt bad for me or something

Year: She proposed.

Kun: OKAY BUT WHAT IF SHE LIKE SLIPPED AND JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE A RING AND-

* * *

Meatball: Kun, i have a secret. do you promise not to tell anyone?

Kun: sure thing darling, what is it?

Meatball: [scoots closer, hovering lips over her ear]

Meatball: [kisses her cheek]

Kun:

Kun: but what was the secret

* * *

Kun: its really muggy out there today

Meatball: i swear to god if i go out there and there are mugs on our yard i will murder you

Kun: [drinks coffee from a bowl]

* * *

Seru: I have the sharpest memory. Name one time I forgot something.

Sab: You left me at Wal-Mart parking lot yesterday.

Seru: I did that on purpose, try again.

* * *

Kaz: wanna help with my wedding?

Sleepy: i didn’t know you were getting married! what should i do?

Kaz: be my spouse

* * *

Meatball: good job Kun, give me five!

Kun: [high fives Meatball]

Meatball: [intertwines their fingers]

Kun: what-

Meatball: i’m in love with you.

* * *

Kai: Look, we've been fighting for too long.

Kun: True.

Kai: Let's just agree to apologize on the count of 3.

Kun: Alright.

Kai: 1. 2. 3!

Kun:

Kai:

Kai: See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

* * *

Kai: If I cut off my leg and swung it at your head am I kicking you or hitting you?

Year: It's 4am go the fuck to sleep!

* * *

Kun: Yeeted!

Kai: Yote!

Kun: YEETED!

Kai: YOTE!

Meatball: I just want to know who threw Year off the bridge.

* * *

Kaz: i’m going to fight the next person that insults my girlfriend

Sleepy: i hate myself

Kaz: ALRIGHT BABE SQUARE UP

* * *

Kun, under her breath: Future wife say what.

Meatball: What?

Kun: Nothing important, I've just got a wedding to plan.

(And then they got married)

* * *

Kai: Kun, where’d ya get that bruise?

Kun: [flashback to her walking into a pole after Meatball blew a kiss at her]

Kun: i’m in a gang

* * *

Lars: do you take Meatball as your lawfully wedded wife?

Kun: i scooby dooby do

Meatball: i want a divorce

* * *

Kun: i don’t date girls

Meatball: [walks in]

Kun: i marry them

* * *

Kun: I love you

Meatball: ah love you more

Kun: no.

Meatball: you’re shorter than me so your love capacity isn’t as strong as mine so its physically impossible for you to love me more

Kun:


	55. I have school please help idk what i signed up for

Gay relationships, a summary!

Some have brain cells:

Emira: Babe can you pass me the remote?

Viney, handing it over: Sure.

Some don't: 

Willow: Hey can you pass the remote?

Boscha: Yeah 

Boscha: [chucks at Willow's face like a Grudgby ball]

Willow: WHAT THE HELL?!

Boscha: YOU SAID PASS!

Willow: I MEANT LIKE HAND IT OVER!

Boscha: YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT!

* * *

Boscha, proposing to Willow: Hold my fucking hand loser, we're using the buddy system for the rest of our lives.

* * *

Eda: Did you put glitter in the laundry?

Luz: Oh yeah, I'm experimenting with some new entrepreneur ideas. That one is called sparkle suds. Dress loud.

Eda: Will you stop putting glitter in everything? This morning you put glitter in the butter.

Luz: Disco dairy. Spread the party.

* * *

Young Eda: Why are you writing stuff down like a nerd?

Young Lilith: Writing things down is nerdy? What do you do?

Young Eda: I just forget stuff like a cool person.

* * *

Eda: I’ve only said I love you to three people. My mom, my dad, and my dying grandpa. And one of those I regret.

Luz: Which one?

Eda: Grandpa. He beat cancer so now I look like an idiot.

* * *

Luz: So, why do you call Amity "Mittens"?

Edric: Oh, it was when she was 2.

Emira: She kept trying to put on her mittens, but it was like a dog trying to catch its short tail. Failing adorably.

Edric: We've called her that ever since.

Amity: [blushing and covering her face] Can you please give me a new nickname!? I don't want people to keep calling me that.

Emira: Okay. How about that time when you were 4 and you were trying to eat at the last of the mint chocolate ice cream in the freezer?

Edric: Oh! Choco Mint! How could I forget that!?

Amity: [face first on the floor while Luz chuckles] Kill me!

* * *

Willow: So, Luz told us all about Halloween and it sounds fun. You dress up in costumes, go asking for candy, have parties, and some people pull pranks.

Gus: I'm going to get ALL the candy!

King: Not if I get it first!

Amity: Sounds like fun. I'll see if I can find a costume.

Edric: Ah, don't worry.

Emira: We have the perfect costume for you, Mittens.

(at the Owl House)

Luz, dressed as Azura: I'm so glad you guys could come! Where's Amity?

Willow: She's... busy.

(back at Blight Manor)

Amity, in a wedding dress: I hate you two so much. 

Edric and Emira: [fall to the floor laughing]

* * *

Boscha: Do you take constructive criticism?

Willow: I only take cash or credit.

[meanwhile]

Luz: Do you take constructive criticism?

Amity, already in tears: Yeah, what is it?

* * *

Amity: Titan you're so annoying. keep it up and I'll kiss you on the lips.

Luz: Oh sorry-

Luz: [Processing]

Luz: WAIT WHAT?!

* * *

Camilia: SHE’S MY DAUGHTER. MINE. SHE WAS MINE IN THE FIRST PLACE AND ALWAYS WILL BE.

Eda: SHE LIKES ME BETTER, AND THAT’S A FACT. ALL YOU DO IS BABY HER. I'm HER REAL MOTHER.

Camilia: LIES, ALL LIES. I GIVE LUZ ENOUGH FREEDOM AND I’M SURE SHE WOULD AGREE. I BASICALLY RAISED HER. SHE’S MY DAUGHTER.

Eda: NO, SHE’S MY DAUGHTER.

-in the doorway-

King: Should we remind them that they’ve been married for four years and that they’re both her mother?

Lilith, trying not to laugh herself into a different realm: Just give them a minute

* * *

Priest: You must light a salt candle at exactly 3:00 and maybe the spirit will leave.

Amity: [Banging pans together] GET OUT OF MY MANOR, YOU WISPY MOTHERFUCKER!

* * *

Willow: [sneezes into elbow]

Gus: Oh look at that, Willow's dabbin’.

Willow: I’m not I have fucking allergies.

Amity: Watch she’s gonna do it again.

Willow: [sneezes into elbow again]

Luz: Hit it, Willow, hit it.

* * *

Amity: I need to be the smart one with my twins so we don't get in trouble.

Luz: what do you mean by that? You lie?

Amity: some times, today, I had to make promises of lollipops I have no intention to keep

* * *

Cosplay AU (still don't know much about this)

Amity, visiting Luz's room.for the first time: Hey Lu-- Woah!

Luz: what?

Amity: I didn't know you had so many weapons? Are you starting a war?!

Luz, looking a the replicas of anime and cartoon swords: Oh, no, no, no, those are fakes, I use them for cosplay

Amity: cos..what?

Luz: Cosplay, you dress and act as another person for fun!

Amity:

Amity: So, identity theft then.

* * *

Luz, married to Amity: [giggle behind blanket] So who do you have a crush on?

Amity: oh for fuck sake

* * *

[Luz finds half of the note with her name on it]

Luz: You were going to ask me out to Grom? Amity, of course, I'll go with you!

Amity: Really?

Luz: That's what friends do!

Amity: [screams internally]


	56. W E H

Camilia: Honey bun?

Eda: Yes?

Camilia: [Blushes] I-I was actually asking if you wanted one

Eda: Oh o-okay [blushes]

Eda: Sugar?

Camilia: Yeah?

Eda: [Blushing harder] I-I meant do you want some sugar in coffee? 

Camilia: S-sure [blushes even harder]

Luz:

King: Disgusting

* * *

Luz: I have a science headcanon.

Amity: Can’t you just say hypothesis like a regular person?

Luz:

Luz: My science headcanon is—

* * *

Gus, after researching internet slang: listen, in this world, it's either yeet or be yeeted

Luz: im literally begging you to stop

* * *

Amity: do you wanna go get lunch?

Luz: oh, I already ate with Willow, but what do you want?

Amity:

Amity: loyalty

* * *

Luz: a milkshake with two straws, please

Amity: aw-

Luz, putting both straws in her mouth: babe look how fucking fast I can drink this

* * *

Luz: Witchcraft is about intent and the wording of a spell is often the product of the vernacular at the time therefore using "yeet" in a banishing spell is perfectly acceptable thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Edric: [Furiously taking notes]

Amity: What the actual fuck-

* * *

Eda: Bitches be trippin'...okay maybe I pushed one of them.

Lilith: YOU PUSHED ME!

Eda: Like I said I pushed one.

* * *

Luz: Amity keeps inviting me over to the library but we just end up watching movies on my phone, she wrote 'love u' on my glyph paper once and she said she wants to take me to a cafe.

Luz: How do I ask her if she likes girls?

Willow:

* * *

Eda: Lazy is such an ugly word, I prefer "selective participation."

* * *

Amity: As a gay jock, I am at a constant battle with the phrases "suns out guns out" or "rays out gays out."

* * *

Amity: Anyone got any book recommendations that will make me cry?

Edric: General Mathematics 6th edition.

* * *

Luz: have an excellent gaydar. I can determine whether or not someone's gay in seconds

Amity: I've been in love with you for years-

* * *

Kidnappers: We have the enemy

Willow: I don’t have any enemies

Kidnappers: But the contact name says “fucking bitch”

Willow: Oh my god they have Boscha

* * *

Young Camilia: [crying]

Young Eda: I will destroy every aspect of the known universe and burn whatever remains to ash in order to be sure I eradicated whatever hurt you.

Young Camilia: I’d… rather have a hug.

Young Eda: Okay sweetheart

* * *

Eda: Why is Luz crying?

King: She took one of those "Which The Owl House Character Are You?" quizzes.

Eda: And?

King: She got Emperor Belos

* * *

Young Alador: kiss, marry, kill- me, Camilia, and Sarah

Young Eda: marry Camilia, kiss Sarah, and kill Odalia

Young Odalia: I wasn’t even one of the options, what the fuck?

* * *

Young Alador: Okay would you rather kill Odalia or-

Young Eda: Kill Odalia

Young Alador: i didn't get to say the other option?

Young Eda: doesn't matter kill Odalia

Young Odalia: I feel unsafe


	57. You wanna come in?

Young Camilia: I can't believe we're stuck in this room together.

Young Eda: [swallows key] Truly unfortunate.

* * *

Luz: [throwing pebbles at Amity’s window]

Amity, loudly: you have a phone for a reason!

[loud BANG]

Amity, opening the window: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR FUCKING PHONE AT MY WINDOW??

* * *

Edric: [Is the reasonable for a single second]

Emira: Are you sick?

Edric:

Edric: First of all BITCH-

* * *

Camilia, texting Eda: Why are You like this?

Eda, at 4am laying in the middle of some random street: Idk wut u mean.

* * *

Lilith: The kids haven't eaten their sandwiches

Eda: Ok, just throw them out

[Later]

Lilith: [helping the rest of the bad girl coven pack suitcases] Look I'm as surprised as you are

* * *

Camilia: You have no leg to stand on-

Lilith: But I have feet.

Camilia:

Eda, dying of laughter: L-lily that's not what that means-

* * *

Odalia: my youngest, Amity, is being tested for the gifted program at her school and my oldest children, Emira and Edric, thinks their toothbrushes are haunted.

* * *

Luz: Oh Titan Willow's been missing all day. How do we get to find her?!

Boscha: I got this.

Gus: Oh boy.

Boscha: #TallSupremacy

Willow: THE FUCK YOU SAY-

Boscha: There she is.

Amity: [Sigh]

* * *

Young Eda: oh my god, there was the biggest fucking nerd sitting in your seat yesterday

Young Camilia: 

Young Camilia: that was me with my glasses on

* * *

Edric: I am a complex individual.

Also Edric: I will dress in the high heels of your choice if you buy me a cookie.

* * *

Amity, internal monologue: Minute 5 of being cuddled, I think I can make it-

Luz: [Mumbles sleepily in Spanish, nuzzles Amity]

Amity: NEVERMIND I'M DYING HELP-

* * *

Luz: [Exists in the general vicinity]

Amity: LORD AND SAVIOUR TITAN I AM GAYYY-

* * *

Gus: tell me something worse than heart break?

Luz: when you wake up in the morning and find out that your phone wasn’t charging

Amity: when you wake up in the morning

Willow: when you wake up

* * *

Amity: They say you are what you eat but I don't remember eating a massive disappointment.

* * *

Luz: Please, Ed... After everything we've been through together... You can't do this to me...

Edric, a single tear rolling down his face: Forgive me, bromigo

Luz: NO-

Edric, placing down a draw 4 card and full-on sobbing: Uno

* * *

Luz: Hey, homie.

Edric: BRO.

Luz: What??

Edric: I love it when you call me homie. Makes my heart beat, for you homie.

Luz: Homie-

Amity: And like that I'm going to kill my brother.

* * *

(Beta Lumity)

[Willow and Gus sitting by a sign that says "Days Without Nonsense: 0", eating popcorn]

Luz: [Runs past Willow and Gus screaming as a fire ball follows right after]

* * *

Eda: Tell me not to do something and I will do it twice AND take pictures.

* * *

Willow: I like sleeping. It's like being dead without the commitment.

* * *

Amity: I have recently discovered I'm moronsexual.

Luz: Well then, not to brag or anything but I can forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it.

* * *

Luz: Watch me put all these gumdrops in my mouth!

Amity: She's so stupid. Would kissing her make me dumber or make her smarter?

Luz, with over a dozen gumdrops in her cheeks: I'm a chipmunk!

Amity: Make me dumber. But I wouldn't mind. 

Amity: [smiles]

* * *

Amity, wearing a black dress two sets of sunglasses, and a sombrero: How did we end like this every time?

Gus, in jammies with a coconut bra, six flower collar and walking on skies: wish I knew

Willow, in seven pairs of Hawaiian shirts, with rainbow hair and a chihuahua in her arms: You know what causes it.

[All of them look at the tuxedo-wearing Luz who is holding a stelital phone and six boxes of potatoes]

Luz: go to Mexico they said, it'll be fun they said...

* * *

Amity: Friendship ended with heterosexuality, gay panic is my friend now.


	58. LOVESICK GIRLS

Willow: HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMI

Gus: what did you get for your birthday?

Amity: sadness and disappointment

Boscha: 

Boscha: Luz didn't hug you yet, did she

Amity, in tears: NOT. ONCE.

Luz: I- AMITY IT'S 1 AM, YOUR BDAY JUST STARTED

Amity, sobbing: YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN IN MY ARMS SINCE 12 AM

* * *

Amity, clinging onto Luz: mine

Luz: craft

* * *

Boscha: LET'S GO YA BISH, I COULD BEAT YOU IN A FIGHT, LET'S GO YOU-

Luz: [lightly smacks Boscha’s cheek]

Boscha: 

Boscha: [sniffles]

Luz: WAIT NO IM SORRY-

* * *

Boscha: Yeah, well you’re just a stupid human who doesn’t belong!

Luz: [sniff]

Boscha: W-Wait, I didn’t-

Luz: [sob]

Amity in a demonic and savage screaming voice: **YOU DIE TONIGHT BITCH**

* * *

[Band AU]

Luz: I’ll bet you that I could do a double back flip on solid ground

Boscha: sometimes I swear your brain is so hollow we could use it as a drum

Edric: [grabs drumsticks]

Amity: Ed, no!

* * *

Luz: [with Amity in the Wisteria tree from Grom] This is so nice.

Amity: Yeah. [blushes]

Edric and Emira: Luz and Mittens, sitting in a tree~ K-I-S-S-I-N-G~

Amity, absolutely livid at the ruined moment: Edric and Emira better run from me. Or else I'll be K-I-L-L-I-N-G!

* * *

Amity: One of my favorite hobbies is giving extra firm handshakes to straight men to assert my dominance.

Boscha: Soft stuff.

Amity: What do you do?

Boscha: date their girlfriends.

* * *

Amity: Luz, truth or dare?

Luz: Dare.

Amity, jokingly: I dare you to marry me, right now-

Luz, immediately: Okay.

Amity: Wait what

Boscha, suddenly wearing a tux: [throws glitter in the air] 

Boscha: LETS GOOOO GAYS

* * *

Young Lilith: Beauty is in the eye of those who see it.

Young Lilith: But if you say Camilia isn’t beautiful I will be forced to correct your vision.

* * *

Camilia: _Querida_ , can you pass the salt?

Young Eda, Young Lilith, and Young Odalia: [reach for it at the same time]

Young Alador, excitedly: Fight! Fight! Fight!

* * *

Boscha: haha hey do you guys dare me to kiss Leaf Girl?

The rest of the Bad Girl Coven: no.

Boscha, leaning in: oh my god, i can’t believe you guys are making me do this!

The rest of the Bad Girl Coven: we’re not.

Boscha: [kisses her]

Willow: [blushing]

[a few minutes later]

Boscha: that was so wild you guys you’re so fucked up for making me do that

* * *

Luz: [walks in with a watermelon]

Amity: What are you doing?

Luz: Emira said Edric got hurt, so I brought him a watermelon.

Amity: Why?

Emira: Ed loves watermelons.

Edric: [cries while hugging the watermelon]

* * *

Boscha: I wasn’t done talking!

Willow, walking away: I was done listening.

* * *

Boscha: I'm ignoring you.

Willow: 

Boscha: I said I'm ignoring you.

Willow: 

Boscha: Stop ignoring me ignoring you!


	59. cooking like a chef imma 5 star Michelin

Boscha, wearing Willow's glasses and admiring herself in the mirror: How do I look?

Willow, squinting:

Boscha:

Willow, squinting:

Boscha:

Willow, still squinting: I love you but sometimes you're a dumbass-

* * *

Eda: I wish I was 14 again when my life wasn't ruined the way it was.

Eda: Cause I have some new ideas I want to try.

* * *

(Guardian angel au)

Luz: Aw yeah, my second guardian angel!

Amity: Can't believe I'm stuck--wait did you say second? You're only supposed to have one for life!

Luz: My first one quit and is now in therapy.

* * *

Boscha: Every once and a while, someone amazing comes into your life.

Willow: And then there's you in my life.

Boscha: Uh huh.

Boscha:

Boscha: That was sarcasm wasn't it-

* * *

Boscha: The good news is, I'm exactly who I say I am.

Boscha: The bad news is, I'm exactly who I say I am.

* * *

Willow: Why don’t you have a girlfriend?

Boscha: I have strict parents. Why don’t you?

Willow: You have strict parents.

* * *

Willow: Did it hurt when you fell?

Boscha: From heaven? Look, I know you like me but...

Willow: No, I mean, did it hurt when you fell walking. I saw you trip, and you just stayed there on the floor for like ten minutes.

Boscha:

Skara: We all saw that.


	60. I'm gonna be a bad boi! Watch me!

Luz: I tried out for my other school's cheerleading squad before.

Willow: How'd it go?

Luz: ...not so well. [sighs] I just wish I could be a cheerleader so I can get with a jock that's a troubled, but cute type.

Amity, slight gay panic: R-really now?

(later, at Blight Manor)

Amity, full gay panic: EDRIC! EMIRA! Where's my old Grudgby jacket!?

* * *

Luz: Hey, babe?

Amity: Yeah?

Luz: [kiss]

Amity: [blush]

-

Boscha: Hey, babe?

Willow: The fuck you want?

Boscha: 

Boscha: never mind.

Willow: Good.

* * *

Luz: Hey, ever heard of a mall?

Amity: No.

Luz: There’s a lot of stores that you can buy stuff in.

Amity: Cool.

Luz: There are stores for trying on dresses, other cute outfits, jewelry-

Amity: HEY LUZ WANNA GO TO THE MALL WITH ME?

* * *

[Star Wars AU]

Luz: Why do you fight for the Empire? Look, we have awesome fighters, like the X-Wing!

Amity: I serve my Empire proudly, with my ship and faithful crew doing the best work in the galaxy.

Luz: You command a slow supply barge.

Amity: MY ETA-CLASS IS BEAUTIFUL, SHUT UP!!

* * *

[Minecraft]

Luz: [singing a tune to herself as she mines]

Boscha: [pushes a creeper behind Luz]

Luz: BITCH!

Luz: [blows up]

* * *

Boscha: Pfft, just try to fight me human. What good can you do against me, the captain of the Grudgby team?

Luz: [headbutts Boscha’s forehead and third eye]

Boscha: AGH WHAT THE FUCK??

* * *

Gus: Would you slap Boscha for a million snails?

Luz: I would slap her for a cold cup of coffee and a half-eaten cookie off the floor.

Willow: Lame. I would slap her just cause I feel like it.

Amity: I'd slap her for looking at me the wrong way. Wait, let me rephrase that. I'd slap her for not looking at the wrong way.

Boscha, scared: Wow I feel very threatened right now.

* * *

Villain, holding Boscha hostage: Give us 10,000 snails and we'll give her back

Boscha, offended: You think I'm only worth 10,000 snails?!

Villain: What?

Boscha: Give me that 

Boscha: [Takes megaphone]

Boscha: MAKE IT ONE BILLION SNAILS

Willow, outside: BOSCHA, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

* * *

[After Lilith becomes a member of the Bad Girls Coven]

Eda: After the t-shirts are made we t-pose the emperor at dawn.

Lilith: This is a horrible idea and we're going to die.

* * *

Luz, explaining anime to the gang: and then the theme song starts playing and the main character gets a power-up!

Gus: So cool! And they change hair again there?

Luz: Usually.

Willow: the power of friendship gives you a free hair dye?

Luz:

Luz: I guess?

Amity: I'm more interested in how do you get sent to another world when dying, is that true?

Luz: I-

Amity: DOES THAT MEAN YOU DIED TO GET HERE?!

Gus: TITAN WE'VE BEEN TALKING TO A GHOST!

Willow: Guys wait.

Luz: Willow please talk some sense into them-

Willow: Maybe it's like that "Bleach" anime. Luz could be a soul reaper!

Luz:

* * *

Edric: There's no "I" in team, but there's one in pizza.

Emira: 

Edric: 

Emira: You're not gonna share?

Edric: Nope.

* * *

Amity, doing a crossword: What's a five letter word for disappointment?

Boscha: Amity.

Amity: 

Boscha: It fits!

Amity: Hey, what's a six letter word for bitch?

* * *

(Teacher au)

Amity, twitching: Who broke the coffee machine in the break room? I promise I just want to talk.

Luz: [Sips tea nervously]

* * *

(Teacher au)

Eda, pulling out a pillow: Today we are learning about what disappointment feels like.

King: This is chemistry why are you taking a nap?

Eda: Look at that, we have a fast learner.

* * *

(Teacher au)

Lilith: Clearly my class is superior.

Eda: Yeah well in my class stuff blew up today!

Lilith: Today's lesson involved food coloring how did you do that?!

Eda: Because my class isn't for LOSERS!

Lilith: OH THAT IS IT EDALYN-


	61. [MACARENA INTENSIFIES]

Boscha: As your best friend-

Luz: Amity is my best friend.

Boscha: AS YOUR BEST FRIEND-

* * *

Luz: Marry me-

Amity: YES!!

Luz: [looks up from reading a book out loud]

Amity: I-

* * *

Luz: How's the most beautiful girl in the Boiling Isles doing?

Amity: I dunno, how are you doing?

Luz: I dunno, Amity. How are you doing?

Amity: I dunno, Luz. How are you doing?

Luz: I dunno-

Boscha: I'm fine, thank you for asking.

Luz and Amity: NOBODY ASKED YOU!!!

* * *

Boscha: Are all humans as stupid as you?

Luz: I...I'd insult you back but I'm too nice of a person to do so.

Amity: I'm not. Fuck off you three-eyed bitchsicle of a bit-

* * *

Luz: I am a bisexual witch.

Amity: Witchual.

Willow: Wise.

Boscha: Bitch.

* * *

Eda: C'mon, Lilith, I didn't drink that much last night!

Lilith: You were flirting with Camila.

Eda: So what? She's my girlfriend.

Lilith: You asked if she was single and cried when she said she wasn't.

* * *

Amity: If I kissed you, would you kiss me back?

Luz: Why would you want me to kiss your back?

Amity:

* * *

Amity: Explain this "Halloween" thing again, Luz.

Luz: You dress up in costumes and go to neighbors saying "Trick or Treat". When you do, they give you free candy.

Edric: Free candy!?

Amity: What's the catch?

Luz: Well, if they don't give it to you, you get to play a trick on them.

Edric and Emira: [gasp in awe]

Emira, crying tears of joy: That is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

* * *

[skipping stones on a lake]

Young Camila: It’s such a beautiful evening!

Young Lilith, whispering: take that you fucking lake.

* * *

Luz: Are you high?

Eda: Am I what?

Luz: High?

Eda: Hello

* * *

Eda: What did I tell you about lying?

Luz, sadly: That it only works on Lilith.

* * *

Gus: how do you spell 'orange'?

Edric: the fruit or the color?

Luz:

* * *

Amity: Let's play 21 questions, you start.

Luz: Ok, what's your favorite color?

Amity, gay panicking: Triangle. Are you into girls?

* * *

Lilith: What are you doing out this late.

Eda: We—

Lilith: Five words or less.

Eda, counting on her fingers: We. Had. A. Fight.

Lilith:

Eda: Bitch.

* * *

Willow: so if one of us dies first, what does the other do

Gus: moves the corpse so it looks like it’s dabbing

Amity: exactly

Luz, terrified: jesus christ

* * *

Luz: hey can I-

Amity: no Luz. we can't kiss right now

Luz: but-

Amity: omg stop no [giggles] ok fine just one kiss

Amity: [kisses Luz and leaves]

Luz: I-

Willow, thirdwheeling: uh what just happened

Luz, confused: I just wanted to ask her if I could borrow her pen-


	62. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY

Amity: My leg's better. Now I can walk-

Luz: Guess I won't need to carry you anymore...

Amity: [snaps her leg in half]

* * *

Eda: i fucking hate the Emperor's Coven

Lilith: watch your language, there are children in the house

Eda: my bad

Eda: i fucking hate-

Lilith: [covers Luz's ears]

Eda: -the Emperor's Coven

* * *

Emira: Guys! Let's take a vote.

Edric: A secret vote! Everyone cover your eyes.

[everyone in BGC covers their eyes]

Gus: We won't know the results.

Ed and Em: Say your vote out loud.

Amity: But we can recognize each other's voices.

Luz, pointing at Viney: Willow's got a point.

* * *

Edric: Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate for once.

Emira, on the verge of tears: Please let me sleep, it’s been three days for fuck’s sake.

* * *

Eda, recovering in the hospital: You call it a near-death experience, I call it a vibe check from god.

* * *

Boscha: i have no fears

Skara: Willow is almost as tall as you

Boscha: i have one fear

* * *

Camila: I love you. But no

Eda: But you love me.

Camila: Yes.

Eda: But you say no.

Camila: Yes, I said no.

Eda: Is it one or the other?

Camila: Asking if I love you and asking to turn Luz into a criminal are two very different things!

* * *

Amity: it’s all fun and gay until you get a crush on her

* * *

Boscha: It’s illegal to be cuter than me.

Bad Girl Coven: We’re all going to jail then.

* * *

Luz: Look I appreciate you trying to teach Amity the beautiful things in the human realm, but could you stop doing it through vine references?

Gus: Why, what’s the problem?

Amity, across the room: OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES!

* * *

Noodle: [is sleeping]

Edric and Amity: Awww

Noodle: [bleeps cutely]

Edric and Amity:

Emira: Hey guys I’m home- why are you two crying?

* * *

Willow: Why were you late!?

Amity: I overslept.

Willow: It’s a wedding!

Amity: I overslept!

Willow: You’re the bride!

Amity: WHAT DID I JUST SAY!?

* * *

Boscha: Amity, Willow isn’t talking to me.

Amity: Enjoy it while it lasts.

* * *

Willow: [sneezes]

Boscha: Don't die!

Willow: I'll die all I want don't tell me what to do.


	63. Here, Sir!

(Teacher + beta Lumity au)

Luz: Now remember, in this class, we don't just make art, we make magic.

Amity from across the hall: Cheesy!

Luz, running to the door and yelling: Well at least my class isn't scared of me!

Amity: At least my class turns in their work on time!

Eda from down the hall: FUCKING KISS ALREADY OR GET BACK TO YOUR MACARONI ART!

* * *

[In Principal Bump's Office]

Amity, covered in glitter: I think we should ban the use of glitter.

Luz, covered in paint: Well I think we should ban paint.

Bump:

Bump: I think I should ban you two from being near each other.

Luz: BLIGHT STARTED IT!

Amity: OH I FINISHED IT NOCEDA!

* * *

Bump: So...there was a food fight in the cafeteria.

Luz, spaghetti noodles sticking everywhere: Yes.

Amity, mashed potatoes in her hair: Indeed there was.

Bump: And...you joined it.

Luz:

Amity:

Bump:

Amity: To be fair you can't say my aim is bad.

Luz: And my ability to duel wield lunch trays is pretty badass.

Bump: [Deep sigh]

* * *

(Teacher + beta Lumity au)

Lilith: Is anyone else going to talk about how our youngest colleges have barricaded their sides of the hall and are having paint and glitter war...for the 5th time this week...?

Amity in the distance: WHOEVER NAILS NOCEDA IN THE FACE GETS EXTRA CREDIT AND THREE HOMEWORK PASSES!

Luz: AND WHOEVER CAN GET BLIGHT'S HAIR CAN SKIP MY CLASS FOR 2 DAYS!

Eda, eating popcorn: Shush Lily I gotta see who's gonna win the bet.

King: I'm just saying, Luz is gonna win. She's got a streak going!

Lilith:

Lilith: 20 snails on Amity.

* * *

(Teacher + beta Lumity au)

[Luz and Amity arguing]

Lilith: By the Titan is there anything you two have in common?!

Luz and Amity in perfect sync: Can't draw straight lines.

[Immediately goes back to arguing]

Lilith:

Eda: Oh I get it it's because neither of them is straight-

Lilith: I understood the joke Edalyn.

* * *

(Teacher + beta Lumity au)

Bump: It has come to my attention that both of your classrooms are heavily vandalized.

Amity: A real shame Noceda. Whoever could have glued all your classroom desks to the ceiling?

Luz: I don't know. But certainly, it doesn't compare to all the rainbows painted all over your walls.

Bump: I have you both on camera you know.

Luz:

Amity:

Bump: You're lucky I like you two.

* * *

(Teacher + beta Lumity au)

Amity: First of all, I'd just like to say you can't prove anything.

Luz with "Blight is always right" written on her face: Oh yeah...? Who else would do this while I was napping in the break room Blight?!

Amity: No clue, but they certainly know what they're talking about.

* * *

(Teacher + beta Lumity au)

Braxus: Miss Amity?

Amity: Yes Braxus?

Braxus: Are you and Miss Luz getting married?

Amity:

Amity: Excuse me what.

Braxus: Miss Eda said you were.

Amity: O-oh on Braxus, we're not!

Amity, muttering: I'm going to kill her. _I'm going to kill her_ -

* * *

(Teacher + beta Lumity au)

Eda: Have you seen Luz? She didn't show for morning coffee.

Amity: Pfff why would I know where she is?

Eda: You're wearing her beanie. She never goes anywhere without it.

Amity: Not relevant-

* * *

(Teacher + beta Lumity au)

Luz: Class not that this is serious or anything but what sounds better, Luz Blight or Amity Noceda?

Student: Amity Noceda sounds nice.

Luz: HAH, HEAR THAT BLIGHT?!

Lilith: BY THE TITAN CAN WE HAVE ONE DAY THAT ISN'T FILLED WITH YOUR GAY TENSION?!

Eda: Oh shit Lily snapped-

* * *

(Teacher + beta Lumity au)

Eda: Considering all the property damage and laws Luz and Amity have broken I'm surprised you haven't fired them.

Bump, who hasn't had any disaster-free days since knowing Eda and Lilith: Why haven't I fired ANY of you yet is the biggest mystery of all.

* * *

(Teacher + beta Lumity au)

Luz: [Finds apple on her desk]

Luz: What the--

[Apple has a note on it that reads: "an apple a day keeps the Noceda away"]

Luz:

[Later in the break room]

Amity: So how'd you like the gift--

Luz: [Throws apple at Amity's face]

Luz: AN APPLE A DAY WILL KEEP ANYONE AWAY IF YOU THROW IT HARD ENOUGH!

Amity: I BET THAT TOOK YOU ALL DAY TO THINK OF!

Lilith at another table: [Groaning]


	64. BACK DOOR

Skara: Have you ever been with a man?

Amity: The only thing I've ever been with a man is annoyed.

Amity: [high fives Boscha]

* * *

Boscha: I have the perfect date in mind.

Skara: But what if he says no?

Boscha: Please this is me we're talking about.

Skara: I know, that's why I'm asking.

* * *

Lilith: Remember, murder is never the answer.

Luz: Murder is the question.

Eda: And the answer is always ‘yes’.

* * *

Luz: Telling someone “You are shit” and “You ain’t shit” are both insults.

Emira: “You are not shit” is a reassurance.

Viney: “You are not the shit” is an insult.

Amity: “You are the shit” is a compliment.

Willow, exasperated: Girls, it’s 3 a.m.

* * *

Luz: Many have wondered what is in the box of mysteries!

Amity: Is just a stupid box.

Gus: A stupid human Box.

Willow: This is lame Luz.

Luz, placing the box on a table: Is ok, hey, watch it for a sec?

Gang: Sure.

[Five Minutes later]

Willow: I can't open it!!!

Gus: I need to know what is inside!!!!

Amity: STAND BACK I'M GONNA BURN IT!!!!

Luz, laughing and eating popcorn: I knew it

* * *

Luz: Wake me up—

Gus: BEFORE YOU GO-GO!

Amity: When September ends...

Willow: _W A K E M E U P I N S I D E_

* * *

Luz: Oh my god, the stove is on fire! What should we do?!

Eda: Okay, no worries, we just need an adult.

King: But YOU are the adult.

Eda: WE NEED AN ADULTIER ADULT!! WHERE’S LILITH?!

* * *

Willow: since i’m the oldest, that makes me in charge and Boscha my wife

Luz, Gus, and Amity: i don’t think that’s how that works

Boscha: don’t talk to your mother like that

* * *

Boscha: You look good today, Park

Willow: we've been married for ten years, why are you calling me by last name?

Boscha: I was talking to myself

* * *

Amity: hey, i'm single and you're single

Amity: you know what that means

Luz: yeah

Luz: we ugly

* * *

Emira: Hey, can you hold this for me?

Viney: But this is just your hand...

Emira:

Viney:

Emira: Your point?

* * *

Gus: THE FLOOR IS LAVA

Willow: Finally

Willow: [lays on the floor]

Bad Girl Coven, sobbing dramatically: Willow no!

* * *

(Werewolf au)

Amity: Now that you know I'm a werewolf, I'm sure you have a lot of questions-

Luz: Does that mean "bitch" is an insult to you??

Amity:

Amity: Shit I actually don't know.

* * *

Luz, to Amity: Your smile? It makes my day.

Boscha, to Willow: Your happiness? Is my whole world.

Emira, to Viney: Your love? Is my favorite thing.

Edric, third wheeling: Single? Treat yourself.

* * *

Lumity: [packing for a trip]

Amity: Clothes?

Luz: Check

Amity: Water bottles?

Luz: Check

Amity: Games to distract the others?

Luz: Check

Amity: A kiss on my sweetest little sunshine?

Luz: Che- wait wha-

Amity: [kisses Luz]

Luz:

Luz, softly: Check


	65. Tired but still kicking

Luz: If you were to die, what would be your last words?

Amity: Finally.

Luz: nO-

* * *

Edric: I can't believe someone thought I was you trying a new hairstyle.

Emira: Does that mean you look like a girl?

Edric: Or maybe you look like a boy.

Emira:

Edric:

Emira: You win this round.

* * *

Emira: Having a twin is good for several reasons. Matching costumes, twice the mischief, an identical face to point the cops towards-

Edric in the background being shoved into a cop car: I'M INNOCENT! EM YOU BITCH-

* * *

Gus: Wait, does Luz think in English or Spanish?

Willow and Amity: Bold of you to assume that Luz thinks.

* * *

[Emira and Noodle left alone]

Noodle: Bleep.

Emira: You cheating scaly son of a-

Amity, returning: What did I come back to??

Emira: [Throws cards on the table]

Emira: WHO TAUGHT HIM HOW TO PLAY CARDS?! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!

Noodle: Bleep bleep.

Amity: He's got you there.

Emira: [Throws table]

* * *

(Noodle Cinematic Universel)

[What Emira says]

Emira: I hate you.

[What Noodle, who has spent extensive amounts of time with his mothers who definitely read fanfiction, heard]

Noodle in his mind: Enemies to friends, 100k words, tagged: accidental bonding, mild angst, fluff, happy ending.

* * *

(Noodle Cinematic Universel)

Emira: I don't understand why people keep thinking of leaving me alone with annoying children is a good idea.

Noodle: Bleep.

Edric: Hey I'm here too!

Emira: I stand by what I said.

* * *

(Noodle Cinematic Universel)

[Edric and Noodle sneaking in at 4am]

Edric, covered in glitter and sprinkles: This stays between us. If anyone asked, Em did it.

Noodle wearing shades and painted pink: Bleep!

Amity: OH REALLY?!

Edric: SHIT-

Amity: UNCLE ED IS ABOUT TO BE UNCLE DEAD!

* * *

Luz, crying: Guys, I just found this kitten waiting outside. Look at her! Isn’t she adorable? Her face is so cute and sweet and she's got such big eyes and-

Willow: Luz, that’s Amity.

* * *

Emira: Viney and I are no longer friends.

Viney: That is the worst way to tell people we're dating.

* * *

Amity: there's nothing worse than people using big words they don't understand just to seem smart.

Luz: i photosynthesize with this.

* * *

Amity: ur the light of my life

Luz:

Luz: try changing ur words around

Amity: ....u lit fam

Luz: omg honey come here ily

* * *

Edric: If you kill someone in the living room is it still ok to call it the living room?

Jerbo: No. Now go to sleep

Edric: Who delivers the mailman’s mail?

Jerbo: I love you and all but go to sleep, please

Edric: 

Jerbo:

Edric: But if a kid is bad and wants coal what does Santa do?

Jerbo: I swear to God, if I didn’t love you I’d kill you.


	66. So I have 2 wives in the Mang Inasal server-

Emira: Everyone, meet my EX-Girlfriend!

Viney: oh Titan- NO EM. Sorry, I'm her wife.

* * *

Eda: You're either on my side, by my side, or in my fucking way.

Eda: Choose wisely.

* * *

Edric: I'm gay

Amity: What's that?

Edric: It means I like dudes.

Amity: [Glancing at Luz] Oh, I'm not gay then.

Edric:

Amity:

Edric: Wait-

* * *

Odalia: darlings, sit up straight.

Blight Siblings: no, we'll sit as gay as we want.

* * *

Lilith: I’m going to ask you to be respectful.

Eda: I will politely decline.

* * *

[Married Lumity]

Luz, with a robe on: From the humblest of beginnings, a hero will rise, born from the impossible union humans and magic....

Amity, entering the room with a broom and a frying pan in each hand: Luz, stop using our daughter in your videos!!!

Luz, who was charging Azura dressed in j little sparkling suit: But she is so cute!!

Amity: That's not enough excuse!!

* * *

Amity: I can do this, right? There’s no reason for me to start stuttering when she’s talking to me. I mean, she’s cute, I’m cute

Willow: I believe in you

Amity: [approaches Luz] hi

Luz, smiles brightly: hi, can I help you?

Amity:

Amity:

Amity, to Willow: [voice croaks] help

* * *

[The Gang is stargazing]

Luz: You guys ever wonder if we are alone in the universe?

Gus: But we are together here.

Willow: You are from another dimension Luz

Amty: I'd love to be alone with Luz.

Luz: What?

Amity. What?

* * *

Luz: [sneezes]

Luz: Who would even think about me?

Amity: [ nervously sweating]

* * *

Boscha: babe, can you do the thing?

Willow: what thing?

Boscha: you know, the thing that always makes me happy

Willow: oh

Willow: [smiles genuinely]

Boscha, crying: thank you

* * *

(Playing Among Us)

Boscha: Whenever Luz follows Amity she's the imposter.

Willow: What about when Amity follows Luz?

Boscha: Amity a simp that's why.

Amity: I am not!

Boscha: Stop following Luz.

Amity: Stop spying on Willow when she's gardening.

Willow: What.

Boscha: Yeah fair.

Willow: W h a t.

* * *

Lilith: Where are you two going?

Eda: [Wearing a ski mask] Oh, Camila and I are gonna go rob a bank

Lilith: You can't tonight I need you to look after Luz and King

Eda: [Tearing off her ski mask] YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING

* * *

Luz: capable is my middle name!

Gus: i thought your middle name was "the"

* * *

Gus: On a scale from "damn daniel" to "fre sha vaca do", how are you feeling?

Amity: In between "it's an avocado, thanks" and "how did you defeat Captain America", but as a solid answer I would say "I don't need a degree to be a clothing hanger." How about you, Willow?

Willow: Probably "road work ahead."

Luz: I regret teaching you guys about the human realm

* * *

Young Eda: Y'all think lava would taste spicy?

Young Lilith: Edalyn, please don't eat lava.

Young Odalia: Edalyn, you do whatever you want.

Young Camila: Actually since it's made of molten rock, it'd probably taste very bland and dusty.

Young Eda, crying: Thank you so fucking much Cami you understand me like no one else.

* * *

Lilith: Do you guys want to tell me how you crashed the car?

Camila: Well, we were driving and there was a deer in the middle of the road that Eda couldn't see, so I shouted, "Eda, deer!"

Eda: 

Camila: Do you want to tell Lily what your response was?

Eda: ...Yes, honey?


	67. Falling For You

Luz: Did you sleep at ALL today?

Edric:[having a mental breakdown] I CAN'T!

Luz: Wow bro, you really need to sleep

* * *

Luz: Putting 'uwu' at the end of your sentence makes it look cute and harmless.

Willow: I love you uwu

Gus: I got food uwu

Amity: i'm gonna to murder you uwu

Boscha: Please don't uwu

Amity: No promises uwu

* * *

Eda: Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey

Luz: But i'm a vegan

Eda: Wakey, wakey, vegetables and sadness

* * *

Willow: The Grom is about to start, where's Luz?

Amity, sighing: She said she wanted to make a dramatic entrance...

Luz, muffled: Some—

Luz: BODY—

[door rattles]

Luz: Ouch..

* * *

* * *

Luz: Hey guys, I got a bad grade, maybe because I didn't sleep much

Boscha: Why are you sad? You should be excited! You are practically immortal!

Luz: How comes?

Boscha: Stupidity lasts forever

Luz:

Boscha:

Amity, already with a fireball: Wanna check if that true?

* * *

[Gang is learning to do Vocal spells and Luz is crashing it]

Skara, almost crying: HOW CAN SHE MAKE SPELLS SO FAST?!

Gus, hiding under a table: THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!

Willow, in a cage of three branches and whispering: she made ten fifth sentences spell in less than thirty seconds, she made ten fifth sentences spell in less than thirty seconds, she made ten fifth sentences spell in less than thirty seconds, she-

Amity, who is proud and terrified of Luz in the same measures: How are you doing this?!

Luz, grinning like crazy: It's called rap

* * *

Boscha: I hate this ice cream

Skara: You hate everything Boscha.

Luz: She can't hate everything

Amity, death serious: Boscha has the special ability to hate everything, even Boscha.

Luz: No way.

Skara: It's true, look. Boscha! the girl in that mirror said you look great!

Boscha, turning to her reflection: I HATE YOU, DON'T TELL THINGS I ALREADY KNOW!!!

Luz:

Luz: I stand corrected

* * *

Amity: I have a crush on a girl so I filled her bedroom with confetti hearts once

Willow:

Gus:

Boscha:

Skara:

Luz: WAIT THAT WAS YOU?!

* * *

Camila: You need to stop doing weird things. Going out might help.

Luz: I went to the park today.

Camila: There you go! I hope you got something from that.

Luz: Yeah I did.

Luz, opens bag: This duck.

* * *

Edric: I’m such an idiot.

Jerbo:

Edric:

Jerbo:

Edric:

Jerbo: I love you, but if you’re waiting on me to disagree with you, it’s gonna be a long night.

* * *

Amity: I’m in love with an idiot.

Luz: In love?? Who is it!? I’ll fight them!!

Willow, holding a clipboard: I see what you mean.

* * *

Eda, drunk: [points at Camila] That’s my girlfriend, suckers!

Lilith: Your wife, sister.

Eda: My wife! Even better!

* * *

Boscha: Kissing burns 6.4 calories per minute, you wanna try it out? 

Willow: Are you calling me fat

* * *

Eda: This is Camila my partner.

Camila: Actu—

Eda: I love the term "partners".  
Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Do we run an legal firm? Are we the dedicated detectives, who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows.

Camila: I'm her wife. We are married.

* * *

Eda: It's a little muggy out, isnt it?

Luz: Yes, yes it is.

[Both simultaneously sips drinks from bowls]

Camila, walking in: Why the FUCK are all our mugs out in the front lawn.


	68. please stan Twice

Boscha, holding Reina, Ember, and Luzura: Awwww. You're the cutest thing i've ever seen!

Luz: Hands off my babies! [tackles Boscha, dropping the Cerberus]

Willow, watching the violence as the dog approaches her: This is really satisfying to watch.

Amity: AIM FOR HER FOREHEAD!

* * *

Luz: Mom, I want you to meet someone.

Camila: Mija, what are you talking about?

[Ember, Reina, and Luzura arrive with a newspaper and Camila's slippers]

Camila: Awww. [Baby talks in Spanish before realizing something]

Luz: Remembered you don't have enough hands?

Camila: Yes.

Luz: I had the same reaction when Amity gave her to me.

* * *

Eda: welcome to McDonalds, can I take your McOrder

Lilith, rubs temples: again. you don't have to put Mc in front of words

Eda: oh ok 

Eda: [turns to customer] welcome to Donalds

* * *

Amity: What I’m trying to say is... what if we went to the party not as friends?

Luz, gasping: As ENEMIES?!

Amity:

Amity, sighing: I don’t even get why I feel the way I feel about you.

* * *

Emperor's Coven Member: Come out with your hands up!

Amity: [raises her hands] I'm gay.

* * *

Amity, as a police officer: We got you on camera.

Luz: Well, I got you flowers. [reveals a bouquet]

Amity, blushes: Uh...

* * *

Luz: I spy with my little eye-

Amity: A bitch.

Luz: What the-

Amity: A perfectly bitchy bitch.

Luz: [sighs] Where's Boscha?

* * *

Gus: Fuck!

Luz: [gasp]

Willow: [gasp]

Amity: Who the fuck taught him that?

* * *

Bad Girl Coven: we will do our best to follow in your footsteps!! 

Eda: please don't do that i just ran into a glass door

* * *

Boschlow: [Playing Among Us]

Bosha, In chat: Vote for Willow.

Willow: What?? Why me??

Boscha: You’re pretty sus for stealing my heart.

[Flower Was Not the Impostor]

Willow: I hate you.

* * *

Luz: Yo, Amity! Wanna compare hand sizes?

Amity: Um, ok. Sure. [places her hand over Luz's hand]

Luz: [holds Amity's hand] Whoah! Your hand fits into mine perfectly!

Amity: [gay panicking]

* * *

Eda: My love for you is like the sun. Burning passion.

Camila: Oh yeah? MY love for you is like the ocean! Deep!

Eda: Oh really? MY love for you is like space! ENDLESS!

Lilith: I can’t believe I have to live with you two.

* * *

Luz: [is sick] Babe… Stay away.

Amity: Cuddles?

Luz: No cuddles. I’m sick.

Amity: [lies next to Luz] It’s better than dying.

* * *

Viney: I had a nightmare that you left me.

Emira: That’s ridiculous. You know I have no sense of direction.

* * *

Amity, nervous: Hey, I happen to have this extra movie ticket and I have nobody to give it to. Mind taking it so you can go with me?

Luz:

Luz: Are you asking me out?

Amity: No, I’m giving you a free opportunity to go to the movies with me.

Luz: So… a date.

Amity: Just go out with me.

* * *

Lumity: [Cuddling]

Boscha, single: Weird flex but ok.


	69. Jopping!

Amity: we're absolutely screwed.

Luz: No, no, no! Think positive!

Amity: I'm positive that we're **SCREWED!**

* * *

[Bad Girl Coven playing in the snow]

Lilith: vibe check!

Lilith: [violently yeets snowball at Luz]

* * *

Edric: Breathe if you think I'm cool.

Jerbo:

Viney: Jerbo, you're turning blue.

* * *

Boscha: ah, my hands are cold

Willow: [holds her hand]

Boscha: You know, my lips are cold too

Willow: [puts her hand on Boscha's mouth]

Willow: Now shut up and be grateful.

* * *

Young Lilith: I finally found my favorite letter in the alphabet

Young Camila: Oh? What is it?

Young Lilith: it's U

Young Eda, in the distance: liar, you always told me it was A

* * *

Edric and Gus, banging pots: SINGLE BELLS SINGLE BELLS SINGLE ALL THE WAY, OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO SEE THE COUPLES FIGHT ALL DAY. HEY!

rest of the Bad Girl Coven: are they okay?

* * *

Eda: [kicks the door open, looking panicked]

Lilith: what did you do?!

Eda: NOBODY DIED

Lilith: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT??

* * *

[Amity is staying over the Owl House and receiving demon classes from King for a test]

King, tired: Did you finish?

Amity, who doesn't understand that much: A...Almost, I think?

Luz, comes out of her room half-sleep and rubbing her eyes: You done?

King and Amity: Not yet...

Luz, sleepy: I thought we were going to sleep cuddling together...

King, soothing her: I know, I'll be there in a minut-

Luz, instantly: No, not you [take Amity's and pulls her along]

Amity, looking at king: Sorry!

King, crying silently: Is Ok, I don't care...

* * *

Amity: is there a spirit in this house?

ouija board: yes

Amity: good, your rent is 450 snails per month and it’s due every 1st

ouija board: what the fuck

* * *

Amity: sometimes my siblings get really silly and i feel like i'm the only mature one

Emira and Edric: the floor is lava!

Amity: [shrieks and jumps on the nearest furniture]

* * *

Boscha: if you like me, raise your hand

Skara: what do i do if i don’t like you?

Boscha: then raise your standards

* * *

Eda: We’re out of cereal water

Lilith: We’re out of what now?

Eda: Cereal water 

Luz, tired: Milk. She's talking about milk

* * *

Eda: I didn't understand why people cared so much about their dumb kids until I got a dumb kid myself.

Eda: [Picks Luz up]

Eda: Luz has only been with us for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

* * *

Edric: I accidentally ate Mittens' whole cake. How much do you think I have to live?

Emira, not looking up: Ten.

Edric: Ten what?

Amity, behind Edric: Nine!

Edric: OH SHI-


	70. Anime

Luz: Guys, I think Amity likes me

Willow: Nah, you are imagining things

Luz: you think?

Willow, looking outside the window and finding Amity scribbling on a notebook "Amity Noceda" while blushing: Yup!

* * *

Young Alador: You enjoy silently judging everyone, don’t you?

Young Odalia: When have I ever judged someone silently?

* * *

Luz: Lemme try something

Amity: What-

Luz: [rubs Amity's ears]

Amity: [blushes and purrs]

Luz: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

* * *

Luz: not to sound politically unaware but did you guys know Fox News has absolutely no news about foxes

* * *

Emperor Guard: Can you describe the guy who shot you?

Edric: Yes. He wasn't very friendly.

* * *

Eda: Listen, I really need you to relax.

Lilith, banging her fists on table: But how can it be “birthday cake” flavor if a birthday cake can be any flavor?!

* * *

Willow, massaging her eyes: Tell me again, how did you get stabbed??

Boscha, in a hospital bed: There was this dude with a stupid pair of pants and a knife who asked me if It looked good.

Willow: And what did you respond?

Bosccha: I was honest, and he shouted at me not to mock him.

Willow: And?

Boscha, looking away: 

Boscha: "What are you gonna do clown pants? Stab me?"

Willow:

Willow: why are you like this?

* * *

Luz: Uh, Eda...I think I did something terrible and I need someone's advice.

Eda: And you came to me?

Luz: I needed advice on how to get rid of a body.

Eda: Let me get my corpse shovel.

* * *

Luz: It sounds like bones breaking...

Eda: Bones? Where we're going we don't need bones.

Lilith: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!

* * *

Viney: In your opinion, what's the height of stupidity?

Emira: Hey Ed, how tall are you?

* * *

Skara: can we talk about the message that you just sent to everyone?

Boscha: it was a critical update.

Amelia: it just says ‘i’m back on my bullshit’

Boscha: the people need to know.

* * *

Skara: Willow is effectively the cutest person alive, and science can prove it

Boscha: Yeah? How?

Skara: [shows Boscha a photo of Willow with neon lights and shojo anime filter]

Boscha:

Boscha: I see what you mean

* * *

Willow: At this point I don't even tell Boscha goodnight anymore. I just say "don't fucking die bitch."

Luz: I...guess that's nice??

Boscha, wiping a tear away: It's beautiful advice that shows she cares. Now if only I listened.

Willow, pouring her 10th cup of coffee within the hour: [Eye twitches slightly] If only you listened.

* * *

Amity: You’re doin’ it wrong

Luz: I’m not taking advice from you!

Luz: You pronounce the g in lasagna!

* * *

Emira texting Viney at 4am: Belos t-posed at the wild witches to assert his magical dominance and that's how he took over.

Viney: I'm literally begging you to stop and sleep PLEASE IT'S BEEN A WEEK-

* * *

Eda: If you can make Lilith fall asleep I’ll give you 100 snails.

Luz, holding a frying pan: Where is she?

* * *

Young Camila: I have an excellent gaydar, I can determine if a person is gay or not with just a glance.

Young Alador: Eda and Lilith have been in love with you for months.

Young Camila: they what?

* * *

Camila: _Mi Amor_! Watch out for the pedestrian!

Eda: She’s on the street!

Eda: She knows the risk she’s taking.

* * *

Luz, after having the Bad girl coven over for a slumber party: Which movie do you want to see?

Boscha: The conjuring!

Skara: Step Up!

Willow: Coraline!

Gus: Legally Blond!

Amity: The little mermaid

Everyone: [stares at Amity]

Amity: What? I like Ariel, she has a pretty voice. 

Amity, dead serious face and pointing them with a fireball: and she doesn't give a fuck about her parents.

Luz: 

Luz: so, little mermaid it is...


	71. More

King: Luz took my wheels from my heelies. I feel like an angel without wings.

King: Now I have to walk everywhere like a peasant.

* * *

Willow: This is a bad idea.

Luz: Willow, it’s a terrible idea, but I believe in myself.

* * *

Eda: What are you doing?

Lilith, awake at 4 am, sitting in front of the fridge eating ice cream, straight from the tub, with a fork: My best.

* * *

Young Lilith: THIS IS MADNESS, YOU ARE CRAZY!

Young Eda with two chickens and six pounds of fireworks: Which is good, or this wouldn't work.

* * *

Luz: _esto es tu culpa_!

Edric: no, it's not!

Amity: you speak Spanish?

Edric: no, i just know the phrase "this is all your fault" in every language.

* * *

Willow: Do you need a hand?

Boscha, stuck in a dog's door: Do I look like I need a hand?

Willow, recording a video with her scroll with a dead serious face: Do you want me to be honest or you'd like to have plausible doubt later?

* * *

Lilith, looking at Eda inside an interrogation room: You are quite confident for someone who has 20 witches pointing spells at her head.

Eda, chilling and eating a donut: You are a terrible shot, and since you trained the others, they are the worst

* * *

Luz and Amity: [staring lovingly into each other's eyes]

Boscha: What the fuck? Is this allowed? What the fuck?

Boscha to Skara: Is that allowed?

Amity: Stop.

* * *

(Grocery store au)

Boscha: I saw Luz stop by the bakery section today.

Amity: I don't wanna talk about it.

Boscha: I'm not saying you gay panicked so badly you threw the tub of powdered sugar at her but-

Amity: I GET IT YOU SAW!

* * *

(Grocery store au)

Luz: I got the job in the deli with Eda!

Amity: That's great Luz!

Luz: Guess that means I'll see you a lot more since they're right next to each other.

Amity: Hahaha _\--fuck-_

* * *

Luz: Do you guys want to see a butterfly?

Bad Girl Coven:

Willow: Wait-

Luz: [throws a stick of butter]

* * *

(Grocery store au)

Lilith, bakery manager: Why are there m&ms in these donuts? It isn't in the list of approved ingredients.

Amity: Uh...I have a reliable group study?

Lilith, sighing: If you wanted to make something for Luz please don't use the ingredients we have for the customers.

Amity: What makes you think I made them for Luz?

Luz, coming to the counter: Amity! You got those donuts you promised you'd make?

Lilith:

Amity: Well technically Luz is a customer so...

Lilith, sighing: I'm taking my break early.

* * *

(Grocery store au)

Eda, deli manager: If I hear you two say any more puns I'm putting you in the fryer.

Luz: Aw _crumb_ on Eda!

Amity: Such a _flour_ attitude today.

Luz: Do you think she's come down with something? Hope she gets _bread-er_.

Amity, nodding: _Butterc_ stop before she gets mad.

Eda: So close to killing you both.

Lilith: Edalyn _you're batter_ than that.

Eda, picking up a knife: THAT'S IT-

* * *

Young Lilith: Is that blood?!

Young Eda: 

Young Eda: No?

Young Lilith: THAT´S NOT A QUESTION YOU ANSWER WITH ANOTHER QUESTION!

* * *

Luz, entering the owl house: Hi guys!

King, immediately jumping on top of her head: You're back...! Wait 

King: [sniffs her and glares] you smell like a usurper!

Luz: What? 

Luz: [Sniff herself]

Luz: Hey, this is Amity's perfume! I guess we did hug a lot today...

King: Not in my domain! EDA GET THE HOSE!


	72. can we talk about K/DA?

Luz, jumping in her place with a super huge grin: Guys! Guys! Guys!

Amity, holding her by the shoulders: Luz dear, you know I love you, but the couple behind us said you are being weird.

Luz, turning around to the couple: Oh, sorry, I forgot how to be human!

* * *

Boscha: Sleepy sounds better than tired. We all need to start saying sleepy instead of tired.

Amity: I'm so sleepy of your shit.

* * *

Young Camila: ugh, i'm so tired... i couldn't sleep last night...

Young Alador: you know, if you can’t sleep then that means someone was thinking about you

Young Camila: who would be thinking about me at 3 am ??

Young Clawthorne sisters, at 3 am: [gay panic]

* * *

Gus: what is life?

Boscha: Willow is life.

Willow: because i'm your life?

Boscha: no, because life is short.

* * *

Emira: why is Luz on top of the christmas tree?

Amity: i couldn't decide between an angel or a star.

Amity: so i went with both.

* * *

Luz: hey, are you okay?

Willow: yes, why?

Luz: because you asked the clerk at the store earlier if damage repair shampoo works on emotions too.

* * *

Willow: [gets mad and starts yelling]

Boscha: i didn't know so much rage could fit in such a small creature.

* * *

Boscha: Willow why are you so sad? there's so much goodness in the world!

Willow: I don't know, Boscha why do you have asthma? there's so much air in the world!

* * *

Odalia: [lecturing amity for having a crush on Luz]

Alador: Odalia im taking the kids to their friend's house

Odalia: What?! Why?

Alador: I want a divorce.

Amity, Emira, and Edric: [gasp]

Odalia: WHAT!!

Alador: Did i fucking stutter?

* * *

Willow: You know, I'm jealous of you.

Boscha: What? Why?

Willow: Your girlfriend is way prettier than mine.

Willow: [Walks away]

Boscha: What? But we are dat-

Boscha:

Boscha: COME BACK HERE YOU LI-

* * *

Amity: [taking a nap on the couch]

Luz, burst through the door: AMITY!

Amity, waking up and falling to the ground: WHAT?!

Luz: I caught a demon bird!

Amity: Oh, that's nice [Goes back to sleep]

Amity:

Amity, wakes up: WAIT, WHAT?! PUT IT BACK LUZ!

* * *

Willow, looking at Amity and Luz: So.... who confessed?"

Amity: It was me, I was sure to make it simple and short.

Luz: You screamed "Listen here you stupid human, I have feelings for you and it's time you acknowledge them!" from the roof.

Amity: It worked, didn't it?

* * *

Luz, sleep-deprived: Hey, Mom?

Eda: Yeah?

King: Did Luz just call Eda “Mom”?

Lilith: More importantly, did Edalyn just answer to it?

* * *

Eda: GET OFF MY MOBILE OF MOVING THAT HAS A REALLY BIG BUCKET ON THE BACK

Luz: you mean truck

Eda: Yes...

Eda: I mean truck...

* * *

Young Odalia: ew gay people

Young Lilith: hey Odi!

Young Odalia, gay panicking: gotta gay- go! gotta go!

* * *

Luz: Being around all this food has made me berry, berry, berry hungry

Luz: [Poses in front of the blueberries]

* * *

[lumity in a grocery store]  
Luz, to Amity: Honey...

Luz: [Holds up a honeydew]

Luz: Do you love me?

Amity: You know I love produce puns. Aren't you sweet...

Amity: [Whips out a sweet potato] POTATO!

* * *

[at the human mall]  
Amity: I just wanted to use the restroom...but now I'm so confused.

Luz: What's wrong?

Amity: Am I a womfn?

Luz: What?

Amity, sobbing: AM I A WOMFN?

* * *

Boscha's ex or something: Hey. How are you doing? I miss you. You look good.

Boscha: Hi. I'm good. I don't miss you. And I don't look good, I look great!


	73. I dreamed of cuddling a girl and then i woke up saying "damn wonder who that girl is"

Amity: Luz, this is my mom. mom, this is my Luz

Amity, realizing what she just said: wait no- i meant- that's not what i-

Luz, holding out her hand, oblivious to what Amity meant: hello, i'm her Luz

* * *

Boscha: after working out a lot more, i managed to get my heart rate down to 65 beats per minute!

Amity: nice work!

Willow: only 65 more to go!

Boscha: NO.

* * *

Amity: Luz, is that a-

Luz: yes, it is my pillow fort

Amity: 

Amity: can i come in ??

Luz: what’s the secret password

Amity, shy: i love you??

Luz: 

Luz, blushing: well played, come in-

* * *

Willow: i’ve been practicing my signature, can you help me, Boscha?

Boscha: sure, use this to write on 

Willow:

Willow: this is a marriage certificate

Boscha: and what about it?

* * *

Luz: school doesn't even test your intelligence it tests your memory

Willow: it tests my patience

Gus: it tests my ability to hold my pee

Amity: it tests my ability to keep calm and not slap a bitch

* * *

Young Lilith: kiss me if i'm wrong but-

Young Odalia: you're wrong

Young Lilith: no listen-

Young Odalia: i said you're wRONG

* * *

Lilith: Human! watch your language!

Luz, annoyed: okay okay geez

[a month later]

Luz: oh, fiddlesticks! that really ruffles my diddly darn feathers!

Lilith, sobbing: please just say fuck

* * *

Gus: “KOBE” is for precision and accuracy, while “YEET” is for distance and strength

Edric:

Emira: 

Emira, to Luz: what kind of language is he speaking???

* * *

Amity: my bones are like glow stick juice

Luz: what??

Amity: that's why my bones always crack when i move

Luz: it's also why you bring light to everyone around you uwu

Amity:

Amity, trying to act like she's not currently in a gay panic: wrow-

Willow: well played Luz

* * *

interviewer, to Luz: so how does it feel having a girlfriend who's so out of your league?

Luz: 

Luz: i-

Amity, grabbing the mic: it feels amazing. fantastic. still don't know how i managed to do i

* * *

[Idol AU]  
Amity: all right, we need a new concept for our comeback

Willow: any ideas??

Luz, raising her hand: we make it gayer?

Gus, Boscha, Emira and Edric: [stand up and start clapping]

Amity, pointing at Luz: gENIUS

* * *

Edric: i don't cry about anything 

Amity: two hours ago you cried about dragons

Edric, tearing up: th-they can't blow out their birthday candles...

Emira: i-

Edric, bursting into tears: thEY JUST MAKE THE CANDLES BURN BRIGHTER SO THEY NEVER GET THEIR WISH AND IT'S SO SAD

* * *

Willow: what's it like dating Luz?

Amity: [remembers the time Luz was lying on the couch upside down and drinking milk through a straw then waterboarded herself with the milk and coughed for ten seconds then tried again]

Amity: i mean... it's alright

* * *

King: man, i wish homophobic people were actually AFRAID of gay people like could you imagine having the power to strike fear in people's hearts with your homo??

Eda: “if i do not have one trazillion snails on my doorstep by noon tomorrow, i swear i will KISS THIS WOMAN on the MOUTH in front of your children”

* * *

Amity: one word, four letters. say it and i'm yours

Luz: YEET

Amity:

Luz:

Luz: was that not-

Amity: not even close

* * *

mcdonalds cashier: hello miss may i take your order?

Lilith: ah yes, i want death

cashier:

Eda: she meant chicken nuggets

* * *

Emira: have you been getting much sleep lately?

Amity, holding her 10th coffee: yeah!! of course!!

Emira: oh, really? when?

Amity: when i sneeze, my eyes close for a few seconds and it's great

Emira:

* * *

Emira: ask me why i love you

Viney, sighing: why do you love me?

Emira, pulling out a 200-slide presentation: i’m glad you asked

* * *

Luz, sad: only an idiot would fall for me

Amity: hey i'm not an idiot 

Luz:

Amity:

Luz: what?

Amity: what?


	74. BORN TO MAKE HISTORY-

[Idol AU]  
Boscha: I'm a confident dancer

Luz: you kicked Amity in the face-

Boscha: CoNfIdenTlY

* * *

[Viney and Emira are at the hospital]

Viney, to the doctor: can i have a moment alone with her?

doctor: [walks out]

Viney: listen here fucker, i know you're really not in a coma

Emira, opening an eyeball: yEAH NO SHIT

* * *

Willow: Why can't you be as pretty as your girlfriend?

Boscha: But we're dating-oh you son of a bitch-

* * *

Luz holding a laser pointer: Day 1 of observing Lilith with the curse. Laser pointers work very well.

Lilith, feathers poking out of her arms and chasing a red dot: Come back here you shiny bastard! [Crashes into wall, glass shattering]

* * *

Jerbo: So I need your help.

Amity: If it involves my brother, he likes chicken nuggets and animals, and the zoo is open all day tomorrow. Couples get in free. Here's the tickets. Stop by McDonalds beforehand.

Jerbo: I- how did you-

Amity: I've been planning to get him back for all the teasing about my crush on Luz for the longest. Be a good boy and take lots of pictures.

Amity: [Walks away]

Jerbo: Whatever just happened, I am both grateful and absolutely fucking terrified.

* * *

Eda: How does one get a demon out from a doggie door.

Camilia: I don't understand how I married you.

King in the background: SOMEONE GET THE BUTTER!

* * *

Amity: Why does it take you so long to make a choice?

Luz: You can't rush my bisexual choice making skills.

Amity: You can't use that as an excuse for everything!

Luz: I'd say yes and no.

Amity: Of course you'd say both...

* * *

Willow: The only reason why I don't get mad at short jokes anymore is because I just use them on Gus.

Gus: Hey!

Willow: I'd say be the bigger person. But you know.

Gus: That's so unfair...

Willow: You could say you got the short end of the stick.

Gus: That's it, I'm transferring to Glandus.

* * *

Odalia, watching Luz and Amity from a distance: The gays communicate in ways we will never understand.

Luz: [Winks and finger guns]

Amity: [Gay panics] AMSJDJENDKK.

Odalia taking notes: What does it mean??

* * *

King: I'm beginning to think you have a problem.

Eda: How do you figure?

King: How many kids do you have?

Eda: What kind of question is that?

Eda: The answer is obviously yes-

* * *

Emira: No we are not keeping the bat!

Edric, petting the bat: Oh come on, we kept Luz!

Luz: Yeah! Wait-

* * *

Luz: Man I'd kill for some pizza.

Eda: [Wordlessly hands Luz a knife]

* * *

Boscha, laying on Willow's lap: Tell me I'm pretty.

Willow, lovingly: You're pretty fucking annoying is what you are.


	75. [cries in quack quack]

Luz: I taught Gus this funny vine, now he's doing it to Boscha

[cuts to Gus]

Gus: DON'T FUCK WITH ME, I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE!

Willow: Wait-

Gus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

* * *

Amity: How do you know what's good for me?

Odalia: THAT'S MY OPINION!

Emira and Edric: 

Alador:

* * *

Beta Amity: I saw you hanging out with Willow the other day

Beta Luz: Amity it's not what you think!

Beta Amity: I won't hesitate bitch!

* * *

Lilith: Imagine you’re driving and see Odalia and Camila standing in the middle of the road, what do you hit first?

Eda without hesitation: Odalia

Lilith, afraid: No Edalyn, you hit the brakes

* * *

Emira: Hey, so I failed my safety course exam.

Viney: What? How?

Emira: So the question was, “what kind of steps do you take in a situation where the building is on fire?”

Viney: ... And?

Emira: Apparently “fucking large ones” was not the right answer.

* * *

Luz and Boscha Drunk af: [stumbling inside the house]

Camila: [turns on the lights next to her] Where were you?

Luz: [freezes] We were uh-... at Amity's?

Amity: [turns on the lights] Try again

Boscha: W-We were at Willows!!

Willow: [smiling trying not to lose her shit] Wrong again

* * *

Boscha: [blows a kiss to Willow]

Willow: [smiling and catching it]

Boscha: [smiling]

Willow: [throws it on the ground and burns it]

Boscha: T-T

* * *

Luz and King: [posing in front of the camera at The Knee]

Lilith: Okay you two say The Knee-

Eda, sliding past them in a giraffe onesie: I'M A GIRAFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

* * *

[Luz with the Detention Track]

Luz, to Viney: She never knew she had a (w)hole

Viney: [checking her uniform]

Luz: lot of style!

Viney: LUZ!

* * *

Boscha, skateboarding into the shack: ‘Sup heteros

Bo, hugging Kat: The fuck did you just call me?

* * *

Boscha: Weird, all my jackets keep on disappearing.

Willow, wearing Boscha's jacket: Spooky.

* * *

Emira, under her breath: futurewifesaywhat

Viney: Huh

Emira: YOU LITERALLY HAD ONE JOB WE’RE TRYING THIS AGAIN

* * *

Boscha: So let me get this straight, you and the human have been dating this whole time!?

Amity: There’s actually nothing straight about it, but yeah.

* * *

Emira: This is my sister, Amity. I don’t think she’s okay but at this point I’m just going with it

Amity, sniffing a porcupine: Ed look, I found this spiky cat

Edric, calling 911: That’s great mittens you’re doing amazing

* * *

Amity: I used to be like that, but it turns out I don’t like men.

Boscha: Well, I don’t like men either.

Amity: I mean I’m a lesbian.

Boscha: Oh, I mean I hate people.

* * *

Boscha: Speaking of beautiful girls-

Skara: We’re gonna talk about Willow aren’t we.

Boscha: Yes.

* * *

Amity: Luz asked me how I slept and I couldn’t decide if I should say “Good” or “Okay” and I accidentally said “Gay”.

Willow: It’s accurate.

* * *

Eda: [Honks horn at hot girl]

Camila: [Keeps walking]

Eda: [Honks horn again]

Bus driver: Miss if you touch the horn again I will stop this bus.


	76. Discord invite

Camila: [sitting on the couch worried]

Eda: [stumbles inside and locks the door]

Camila: Eda... look at how drunk you are!

Eda: [stumbles over to Camila] I am not drunk...

Camila: [places her hands on her hips] Yes you are!

Eda: [jabs a finger at her] I am not.. fucking drunk

Camila: Can you tell the time?

Eda: [looks at the clock] yes

Eda: [walks over to it] I AM NOT FUCKING DRUNK

* * *

Willow: [sitting on a chair] Did you do the dishes?

Boscha: [laying on the couch] I thought.... you wanted to do it scared [smile]

Willow, trying not to snap: YOU THOUGHT WRONG

* * *

Luz: [in front of Belos with a speaker and mic]

Belos: [gets ready to attack until he hears music]

Luz, dancing: You are my daaad- you're my dad! Woogi Woogi 

Belos: Wait-

* * *

Luz: [walking towards Kikimora] Kick the baby

Kikimora: [making a spell circle] Don't kick the baby-

Luz: [sprinting and kicks Kikimora like a soccer ball] KICK THE BABY

Kikimora: [ungodly screeching]

-

Belos: [drinking tea]

Kikimora: [crashes through the window]

Belos: WHAT IN TITAN'S NAME-

* * *

Amity, running to Edric terrified: there's a spider!

Edric: so?

Amity: KILL IT!

Edric: I don't wanna kill it- you kill it!

Amity: but you're the man!

Edric, wearing a cinderella gown: since when? 

Amity:

* * *

Luz: Hey bro ready to walk to school?

Edric: Nah, I'm thinking of skipping today

Luz: [looks at him]

Edric: [wiggles eye brows]

Edric and Luz: [skipping to school arms interlocked] YEAH!

* * *

Amity: so then Azura went up against Hecate and- 

Amity: [trips]

Amity: [immediately does push ups]

Willow, Gus, Boscha, Edric and Emira appearing out of nowhere: SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN! [claps hands]

Luz: [claps as well]

* * *

Alador: [teaches Edric how to ride a bike]

Edric: Don't let go okay?

Alador: I promise

Edric: [starts peddling and is immediately let go] YOU LET GO! YOU LET GOOOOOOOOOOOO- 

Edric: [hits a trash can]

Odalia, looking at a magazine: Nice job boys

* * *

Viney: [playing a flute]

Luz: [gasps] A SNAKE CHARMER!

Viney: [stops] HEY NOODLE!

Noodle: [looks at Viney]

Viney: You're cute as heck

Noodle, blushes: ssssssssssssssssssstop it

* * *

Luz: What's up? [holds up hand for a high five]

Amity's thoughts: okay girl it's just a high five, don't do anything stupid

Amity: [grabs hand and licks it]

Luz: 

Amity: HAVE A GREAT DAY- [runs]

Amity's thoughts: what the fuck was that!?

* * *

Luz: Disney Pranks- With friends

Amity, Boscha, and Skara: [talking nearby a window]

Luz, grabs Amity and runs: OFF TO NEVER LAND!

Amity: AAAAAAAAA-

Boscha: [looks out the window in surprise]

Skara: [looks into the camera like she was in the office] w-what is happening?

* * *

Emperor Belos: [Looking for Luz]

Luz: [hiding nearby]

Emperor Belos, singing: Red Robin-

Luz: YOUNG- OH NO! OH NO!! [runs]

Emperor Belos: COME BACK HERE YOUNG LADY!

* * *

Lilith: I eat cheerios because they’re heart healthy and my heart has been severely damaged…

Lilith: …so Camila if you’re out there…

* * *

Boscha, after Willow broke up with her: What could be worse than a broken heart?

Amity: Changing your answer on a test and realizing that your first answer was the correct one?

* * *

Edric: you call yourself my bro, but where were you when my meme had only 4 likes?

Luz: making four accounts bro

Edric: bro

* * *

Luz: Amity texted me “your adorable” so i texted her back and said “no, YOU’RE adorable”

Willow: and?

Luz: now we’re dating. we’ve been on six dates. all i did was point out a typo, but i like her so i’m not gonna say anything


	77. HO HO GAYS

[Bard Class]

Skara: [playing the piano]

Luz: [walking in and starts dancing]

Student: What is she-

Amity, covers their mouth: Let her have fun

* * *

Luz, standing on top of the counter in the mall: BECAUSE I LOVEEEE- WO! BECAUSE I LOVE YOUUUUU!

Amity, covering her face: Luz, honey- get down

* * *

Alador: Here's your gift son

Young Edric: [opens it] It's an avocado... Thanks!

Odalia: Now use it wisely son, we aren't buying you another

* * *

Edric: A potato flew around my room before you came

[not a minute later]

Edric, Emira, Viney, Barcus and Jerbo: [chaotic screaming]

* * *

Amity's heart: [talking] about Luz JUST DO IT!

Amity's brain: NOOOO!

Amity's heart: MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE

Amity's head: Oh Titan please why!? 

Amity's heart: JUST DO IT!

Amity's head: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

Luz: [holding her phone playing some music]

Owlbert: [aggressively tap dances]

Eda: [wheezing]

* * *

Emira and Edric: [driving back home after being ditched] I'M NEVER GONNA DANCE AGAIN- GUILTY FEET HAVE GOT NO RHYTHM [cries] 

Amity in the back: [busy daydreaming about Luz to realize what's happening]

* * *

Edric: Sorry bro but I gotta hit the books

Luz: awe...

Edric: [dumps his books on the ground and hits it with a bat] Okay let's go!

Luz and Edric: [jumps] YEAH!

* * *

Luz: Story Time!

Emira and Viney: [walking]

Luz: the Blight was about to step on a SNAKE! ON A SNAKE!

Emira: ]jumps before jumping on Viney] 

Luz: [laughing] But she missed it!

Viney: [wheezing]

Emira: LUZ!!!

* * *

Amity: Querida, what were you thinking!?

Luz: I know you’re a little upset now, but I have an explanation

Amity: continue

Luz: 

Amity: well?

Luz’s jacket: [quacks]

* * *

Boscha: WHO ate my fucking fries? You wANNA GO-

Willow: I did

Boscha, wraps her arm around Willow's waist: -out with me? We can get more fries if you’d like

* * *

Receptionist: It appears there has been a mistake, Ms Noceda. We have booked you and your friend in the same room.

Beta Luz: There’s no mistake. Amity sleeps in the tub.

* * *

Luz: Amity, are you gay?

Amity: We've been married for over three years now and I've let you drag me to every pride parade on this side of the Boiling Isles. What does that tell you?

* * *

Amity: come on, Boscha can’t be good at everything! Who knows, maybe she’s a terrible kisser or something.

Luz: no, she’s good at that too

Amity: what?

Luz: what?

* * *

[Luz walks in]

Amity: [smiles] 

Willow: Go on and tell her she’s cute. What’s the worst that could happen? 

Amity, blushing: She could hear me.

* * *

Luz: I hate it when people ask me if I'm still bi or not.

Luz: Like, what do they expect me to say? 'No, not anymore, my bi card expired last week and I forgot to renew it.'?

Amity: Luz, I understand and I love you but it's 3 A.M.

* * *

Luz: Amity, did you know Boscha likes Willow?

Boscha: [INTERNAL SCREAMING]

Amity: Oh! Uh, no, I wasn’t completely aware of that

* * *

Edric, to Luz: I gotta say, I love being a part of this family! You've got the grumpy aunt [points at Lilith] wacky mom [points at Eda] put-upon mom [points at Camila] crazy kids! [points at Noodle, Luzura, Reina, Ember, and King]

* * *

Eda: give me some words of encouragement so i don’t murder him right this second

Luz: there’s no apple blood in jail

Eda: thank you

* * *

Young Camila: Why won’t the ghosts talk to us?

Young Alador: Maybe they’re homophobic

Young Odalia: We aren’t gay, Alador

Young Alador and Young Camila, clearly confused: We aren’t?


	78. So i told my friend that I'll give her a gf but then she stole my wife. Congrats gays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siblings AU belongs to "swiss.sides" at Instagram. I love her AU TvT

Customer: I'll have a martini, dry, please.

Lilith, looking at all of the liquid ingredients: I don't know how to tell you this...

* * *

Boscha: Flower! Guess what kind of fabric my shirt is made of!

Willow: I know, I know, girlfriend material.

Boscha: Wrong!

Boscha: [gets down on one knee] Wife material

* * *

Amity: can we sit down? my feet hurt. 

Luz: get on my back, I'll carry you

Boscha, looking to Willow: my feet hurt too.

Willow: lay down on the ground and I'll drag you.

* * *

Luz: Story Time!

Luz: It was common law that a flower be presented to the loveliest lass 

Luz: [hands Amity the flower]

Emira: [snatches it] Well of course that's me

Luz and Emira: [laughing]

Amity: T-T

* * *

[Siblings AU]  
Lucia: The Blight knew exactly how to embarrass her sister

Amelia: [looks at Amity and starts dancing weirdly]

Amity, blushing angrily: AH! [covers her eyes]

Lucia and Luz: [wheezing]

Wionna and Willow: [confused noises]

* * *

Amelia: um... Boscha?

Boscha: [crying]

Kat: what happened to her?

Skara: she squished Willow's cheeks and every 5 minutes she starts to cry because of how soft Willow's skin is

Boscha, sobbing: she's so soft

* * *

Amity: Music is so magical I love how it can take you to another place

Amity: For example, "Little Miss Perfect" is playing in this room, so I'm going to a different room.

* * *

Young Odalia: [Gets down on one knee]

Young Lilith: Oh my god its finally happening

Young Odalia: [Falls over]

Young Eda, smirking: The poison is kicking in

* * *

Luz: What’s the first thing you notice when a man approaches you?

Amity: The audacity.

* * *

Boscha: So, you single?

Willow: I’m plural.

Luz: [passes by and high fives Willow]

* * *

Boscha: Why are we laying in a parking lot?

Skara: Willow knocked you out so I laid down next to you so people would think we were just chillin'

* * *

Emira, holding a broccoli: Look at this tiny tree. Can you eat this?

Edric, holding a cauliflower: Aww. This one's dead.

Amity: [looks into the camera]

* * *

Amity, bad at flirting: I really like your name.

Luz, Equally bad at flirting: Thanks, I got it for my birthday.

* * *

[Camileda and Odalilith going on a date]

Lilith, to Amity: No parties

Eda, to Luz: you can summon spirits

Camila: EDALYN-

* * *

Boscha to Amity: Alright now's your chance, go and get her

Amity, sweating profusely as she sits next to Luz: H-hey uh you wanna get out of here and... kiss?

Luz: [Chokes]

* * *

Odalia: I love Lilith and I will fight anyone who talks badly about her.

Lilith: Well, I am shit.

Odalia: Square up, bitch.

* * *

[Siblings AU]  
Amity: [jumping furiously and screaming]

Lucia: What’s she doing?

Wionna: Trying to reach the microwave.

Amelia: The three of us are pretty tall, should we help her?

Wionna: Nah, she’ll eventually just give up and get a granola bar or something.

Lucia: Alright then. I bet you five bucks she’ll start trying to climb the wall within  
the next hour.

Amelia: Make it twenty and I’m game.

Wionna, taking out a bag of potato chips: Settle in, girls, we could be here all night.

Luz, lifting Amity up: You guys are terrible.

Willow: [tired sigh]

* * *

[Siblings AU]  
Lucia: Why’s the room so quiet?

Amity: I accidentally embarrassed Amelia on Penstagram live, so she’s giving me the silent treatment for the rest of the day.

Lucia:

Lucia: [Slides over 10,000 snails] Do it again.

* * *

[Siblings AU]  
Lucia: Have you ever seen something that changed your life and you were just like “wow”?

Amelia: I saw you.

Lucia: Honestly that’s really sweet and gay and all but I was just gonna show you a video of my sister getting attacked by pigeons while eating a pretzel so-

* * *

Edric: Truth or dare?

Jerbo: Truth

Edric: Do you want to kiss me?

Jerbo: Dare

Edric: I dare you to kiss me

Jerbo: Never have I ever-

Edric: THAT’S NOT THE GAME

* * *

Young Alador: Your home is on fire, you have sixty seconds. What do you take?

Young Lilith: Camila 

Young Odalia: My awards

Young Eda: A nap


	79. I believe in Boscha supremacy

Beta Luz: Are you always this cocky?

Beta Amity: Only on Tuesdays. And when beautiful women are involved.

Beta Luz: So you think I'm beautiful?

Beta Amity: Actually, it's Tuesday.

* * *

Luz: I thought you two were a couple.

Willow: No, how could you even think that?

Luz, to everyone in the room: Raise your hand if you thought Willow and Boscha were a couple.

Everyone: [raises their hand]

Willow: Boscha, why are YOU raising your hand?

* * *

Emira: I have looked upon the face of God and seen all the beauty and wonder of the universe at once.

Edric, to Jerbo: What is she talking about?

Jerbo: She saw Viney's muscles.

* * *

Young Alador: kiss the one you want most Lily

Young Lilith: Odalia?

Young Odalia, blushing: Yes?

Young Lilith: Can you move? I'm trying to get to Camila

* * *

Luz: What a beautiful day

Amity: [walks by]

Luz: What a beautiful gay

* * *

Luz: How do you take your coffee?

Amity: As dark as my soul

Luz: One vanilla latte with extra sugar and cream coming right up.

* * *

Young Eda: The stars are so beautiful

Young Camila: They're just giant balls of gas

Young Eda: Don't ruin the momen-

Young Camila: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you

Young Eda, choking up: Oh...

* * *

Luz: [wakes Amity up at 3am] Hey, Amity, hey.

Amity: Luz? What's the matter?

Luz: Do you like me?

Amity: baby, I married you

Luz: Yeah, okay. But did you marry me as a friend, or-

* * *

Gus: I am the ultimate third wheel

Luz, holding Amity's hand: What makes you say that?

Willow, cuddling with Boscha: Yeah, you shouldn't think that way

Emira, hugging Viney from behind: You're just being hard on yourself

Edric, sitting on Jerbo's lap: Completely untrue

Gus: Wow, I have leveled up to EIGHTH wheel. I am truly powerful

* * *

Noodle: [does literally anything]

Amity, calling Luz: Babe, babe come here immediately you've got to see this that's the cutest thing ever i'm crying babe get the camera

* * *

Emira: Oh hey baby, I heard you like bad girls

Viney: Not really

Emira: Oh thank god

* * *

Emira, to Amity: What do you usually say when you see a cute girl?

Amity: Hey, Luzy.

* * *

Viney: I wanted to kiss your face.

Emira: Why didn't you?

Viney: Couldn't reach.

* * *

Camila: Why are you posing?

Eda: Google Earth. Always taking pics.

* * *

Jerbo from downstairs: Ed, are you ready to go?

Edric: Yeah

Jerbo: Are you sure?

Edric: Yeah

Jerbo: Are you still in your pajamas?

Edric: 

Edric: yeah

* * *

Boscha: I'm stoned-cold. Unbreakable. Nothing ever effects me

Willow: [smiles]

Boscha: Oh my god I am such a mess right now

* * *

Lumity: [stargazing]

Luz: Do you believe in aliens?

Amity: No, but I believe your eyes are more beautiful than the stars.

Willow, from a nearby bush holding a megaphone: AND I BELIEVE YOU TWO SHOULD KISS ALREADY!

* * *

Luz: I can list so many reasons why no one wants to date me.

Amity: Well I have a list of so many reasons I want to date you.

Luz: What

Amity: What

* * *

Viney: [gets home] What is that smell?

Emira: Can't you for once come in and say something normal like "Darling, I'm home!" or "Hey babe, how was your day?" or -

Viney: EMIRA, THE KITCHEN'S ON FIRE!

Emira: See what I'm talking about.

* * *

Amity: I'm in love with you

Luz, whispering to Willow: Is she flirting with me?


	80. Victorious is back on Netflix but only has one season... I hate it here

Luz: got us that reservation you wanted 

Amity: you're amazing

Luz: is there anything i can't do

Amity: parallel park

* * *

Amity: help, I can’t find my girlfriend!

Stranger: What does she look like?

Amity: [sobbing] BEAUTIFUL!

* * *

Amity: Our can opener's broken.

Luz: So now it's a CAN'T opener?

Amity: 

Amity: I can’t believe that I fell in love with you.

* * *

Eda: Of course I care about everyone in our group equally.

Lilith: We were attacked while you were away.

Eda: Is Luz okay???

* * *

Young Lilith: so I really like this girl, but I don’t know how to ask her out

Young Camila: just ask her out to the movies this week or something

Young Lilith: do you want to go to the movies this weekend?

Young Camila: no I meant ask her

Young Lilith: I just did

Young Camila: what did she say?

Young Lilith: I don’t know you tell me

Young Camila: what do you mean

* * *

Luz: I need you to be straight with me.

Amity: [gay silence]

* * *

Amity: at dinner with my family do NOT bring up politics

Luz: got it

[Later]

Odalia: so what are your political beliefs?

Luz, caught off guard, dropping fork in surprise: w-well i, think uh, pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he, uh, if he had a gun

* * *

Willow, finding Boscha passed out in the potions room: Boscha! Boscha! Are you okay?

Boscha, speaking out the side of her mouth: You gotta kiss her to wake her up.

Willow: What? I'm not going to kiss you!

Boscha: Boscha can't hear you. She's not awake. Only a kiss will wake her up!

Willow: Well, I better get Luz.

Boscha, quickly sitting up: Oh, oh where am I?

* * *

Emira: Compliment me.

Viney: Uh, you... you have eyes.

Emira: 

Emira: I'll take it.

* * *

Amity: The other day Boscha sneezed and I accidentally said “shut the fuck up” instead of “bless you”

Willow: 

Willow: How do you accidentally say “shut the fuck up”

Amity: Don’t ask me, it’s gay magic I guess

* * *

Edric: If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands

Luz:

Amity:

Emira:

Edric: ...well that’s depressing

* * *

Lilith: Hey, HEY-

Eda: Shhhh, Luz's sleeping!

Lilith, whispering: Oh, sorry.

Eda, whispering: It's okay. What's up?

Lilith, whispering: The coven guards are here-

* * *

Amity: [holding her finger in the ok sign] I’m this close to falling in love with Luz.

Willow: Your fingers are touching, though?

Amity: I know.

* * *

[Beta designs AU]  
Luz: What no, we are not dating!

Amity: Why would I ever date that idiot?!

Willow: Uhh, okay then… See you later.

[right after Willow has left]

Amity: What does she mean? [rests her head on Luz's lap] Why would someone think we’re dating, honey?

Luz: Exactly. We don’t even seem [kisses Amity's lips] like we would be, sweetheart.

Amity: I’m tired, let’s go to bed. I need cuddles.

Luz: Of course, honeybunny.

* * *

Amity: Are you and Willow dating?

Boscha, chokes on drink: What?! I-I don't even-I don't even know anybody by the name of "Willow"!

Amity: I only ask because she never shuts up about you.

Boscha: Hang on... I just remembered I do know a Willow... What did she say about me, exactly?

* * *

Luz: Help, h e I p!

Amity: What is it?!

Luz, clutching her chest near the heart: You're cute enough to kill.

Amity: Aw Luz that's so-

Boscha, stepping in front of Amity with a knife: Amity we gotta finish the job.

* * *

Gus: Treat spiders the way you wanna be treated.

Amity: Killed without hesitation?? But I like spiders.

Gus:

Willow: Amity no-

* * *

Luz: I'm such a bad boi I don't know what's happening in class. Or what class I'm even in!

Teacher: What is 100 ÷ 10?

Luz, confidently: Obviously it's triangle.

* * *

[Some days it's-]

Willow: [Cuddles Boscha]

Boscha: [Cuddles Willow]

[Other days it's-]

Boscha: Hugs.

Willow: No.

Boscha: Hugs.

Willow: NO!

Boscha, jumping onto Willow's back: I'M GETTING MY HUGS FUCKER-

Willow: BITCH-


	81. MERRY CHRISTMAS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i have a discord server link in the descriptions!   
> FEEL FREE TO JOIN!

Lumity: [sound asleep]

Luz, mumbles in Amity’s ear: Mm… you’re my little pogchamp UwU

Amity, sobbing: Hell is real, it’s real.

* * *

Luz: [goes out to target wearing an inflatable Halloween T-Rex]

Amity: See, this is the human I fell in love with. Do I have regrets? No… not really.

* * *

Amity: Hey babe, can you call me other pet names?

Luz, sad: Why? Is there something wrong with ‘my peepeepoopoo baby honey cakes bun bun’? 

Amity:

Amity: No, never mind I love that.

* * *

Luz: I will hold up the world for you!

Amity: You can barely carry five pounds without crying don’t even-

* * *

Willow: Look me in the eyes and stay serious with me for a second.

Boscha: [smiling and giggling] Your eyes are so beautiful.

Willow: [forcing herself to stop smiling] nO!

* * *

Amity: I’m a smart person but every time something like this happens…

Luz: [walks by Amity] Hey, Ami!

Amity: 

Amity: my brain loses its ability to function.

* * *

Luz: Hey, Amity? What do you really think of me?

Amity, with no hesitation: I think you’re pretty neat.

Luz: Oh, ok.

Amity, internally: Why the fuck did I just say I that I could’ve said she's the greatest person alive and that she's my most favorite person ever but nooooo-

* * *

[Villain vs Hero AU]  
Amity, villain: If my loved ones can’t stop me, you can’t either!

Luz, hero: Bold of you to assume I ever liked you.

Amity, tears up: I thought we had a thing-

* * *

[Amity is an Immortal and Luz is a reincarnation of her crush]

Amity: Hey there, care to go on a date with me?

Luz: A date? Sure thing!

Amity, thinking: It took me a thousand years to gather all my courage. I think my immortality ends here.

* * *

Luz: Wow, the stars are beautiful.

Amity: Yeah, they are.

Luz: You know what else is beautiful?

Amity, blushing: What?

Boscha, from behind them: Me.

* * *

Boscha: ATTENTION!

Willow: what now babe?

Boscha: i don't know. i just need attention.

* * *

Amity: i slept for 12 hours but i might still be tired so let's go for 12 more just in case.

Emira: that's coma.

Amity: sounds festive.

* * *

Amity: Luz, why are you drinking coffee at this hour? It’s almost 2am.

Luz: To stay awake with you.

Amity: You don’t need to-

Luz: I don’t want you to get lonely.

Amity:

Luz:

Amity: I-

Luz: Please don’t cry, and I love you too.

* * *

Amity: what is belgium's capital?

Luz, without thinking: waffle.

* * *

Emira:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Viney, without looking up: yeah, love you too

* * *

[At McDonald’s]  
Amity: I’d like a McYou to go, please.

Luz: Did you seriously wait 10 minutes in line to make that joke?

Amity: Am I getting your number or what?

Luz: Of course you are, holy shit.

* * *

[Idol AU]  
Gus: do you think different laundry detergents have different tastes?

Luz: they do

Willow, looking up from writing lyrics: w-why did you say that with such certainty

* * *

Eda: He's making a list, he's checking it twice! He's gonna find out who's on thin fucking ice!

Lilith: Santa Claus is calling you out!

* * *

Eda: I hope I get run over.

Luz: Awww! Come on, it's Christmas! Get in the spirit!

Eda, sighs: Fine, I wanna get run over by a reindeer.

* * *

Boscha: It's weird you celebrate Christmas, didn't you say you don't believe in God?

Amity: It's weird you celebrate Valentine's Day, didn't you say nobody likes you?

* * *

Willow: Toss me my keys!

Boscha: [throws Christmas tree in Willow's direction]

Willow: ... I said my keys.

Boscha: I thought you said Christmas tree.

Willow: Why the fuck would I say Christmas tree???

* * *

Odalia: Alright the Christmas tree is finished! And immaculately decorated if I do say so myself. Now where is that star for on top?

Amity: I have it! 

Amity: [Places a picture of Luz on top]

Emira:

Edric:

Alador:

Odalia: And the tree is ruined.

* * *

Willow: Its Christmas! Are you all in the Christmas mood?

Luz: Merry Crisis

Gus: Jingle bells, Jingle bells, single all the way

Boscha: Hoe hoe hoe

Amity: Guys please


	82. I LIVE

Amity: [gives Luz a paper]

Luz: [reads it]

Paper: do you like me? Yes or no

Luz: uh... 

Luz, looks at Amity: when is this assignment due?

* * *

Luz: Is there a word that's a mix between sad and mad?

Amity: Malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolate.

Willow: Smad

* * *

Boscha: Hey, flowers!

Willow: Yes, Boscha?

Boscha: I’m not gay... but you look cute today.

Willow, sighing: We’ve been over this, babe... 

Willow: we’re dating.

Boscha: Yeah, but like in a friend way or???

* * *

Amity: Alright, listen up you little shits.

Amity: 

Amity: Not you Luz. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled that you’re here.

* * *

Skara: You didn't even react. You need to react when people cry.

Boscha: I did... 

Boscha: I rolled my eyes.

* * *

[Siblings AU]  
Amelia: [is annoyed]

Amity: What's wrong?

Amelia: Lucia stole my heart.

Amity: And...?

Amelia: So I'm getting revenge.

Amity: And how will you do that?

Amelia: I'm gonna take her last name! [runs away cackling]

Amity: Amelia, that's not how it wo- and she's gone.

* * *

Luz: I'm not sure if you already know this but I'm bi, I like girls and boys

Amity: I know, I am lesbian... I thought I told you like the first time we met

Luz: The reason I told you is because... I wanted to ask you out

Amity: You know we've been on like 5 dates

Luz: Wait... THOSE WERE DATES?!?!

Amity: I've been flirting with you like all year

Luz: You were flirting with me?

* * *

Boscha: Okay, so when half a witch walks by do you think I should scowl like THIS or glare like THIS?

Skara: Why are you fixing your hair in the compact mirror right now?

Boscha: God! Because I want to send the right message across. That I HATE-

Cat: -Hate her, yeah, okay. We know. Sure.

Boscha: Okay, so unanimous on the scowl?

* * *

Young Eda: If I could rearrange the alphabet, the first thing I’d do is put U and I together.

Young Camila: Eda, if you could rearrange the alphabet, the first thing you’d do is spell A R S O N and then laugh about it for hours.

Young Eda: You got me there.

* * *

Young Odalia: Your future self is talking shit about you.

Young Lilith: Joke’s on her. I’ll fucking ruin her life.

* * *

Eda: Here's some life advice kid, marry someone that looks hot when they're angry.

Camila: EDALYN!! [runs into the room]

Eda, blushing: now you know why i married your mom

Luz:

* * *

Boscha: If I die, my funeral is gonna be the biggest party and you’re all invited.

Amity: “If”?

Willow: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and she might not even die.

* * *

Boscha: Do I look nice?

Willow: You look like you're about to set someone on fire.

Boscha: Perfect.

* * *

Luz: One of my coworkers asked me whether I prefer to be called "miss" or "mister"

Luz: And I just said "ya boi"

Luz: So now I've got a coworker who calls me "Ya Boi Luz" every time we see each other

* * *

Amity: My sexuality doesn't define me.

Amity, two minutes later: Move, I'm gay.

* * *

Willow: Christmas is my favorite time of year. There's tape everywhere and it's perfectly accessible for when everyone starts singing carols.

Luz: MMFMFFFFMFFFFFM

* * *

[Sibling AU]

Baby Luz: [just existing]

Lucia: look at you. Lil nerd. Weird alien-looking baby thing

Luz: [looks over at her]

Lucia: 

Lucia: Don't look at me like that you turd. What, tryin' to fight?

Luz: [waddles over and falls into her lap]

Lucia:

Lucia: I take back everything I said you are the most perfect being to ever exist

* * *

Emira on the top bunk: Omg Amity help, it's a monster under the bed. The most hideous thing I've ever seen!

Edric on the bottom bunk: Why do you hate me sister-

* * *

Young Lilith on the phone with Young Eda: I did something pretty bad, I'm going to need your help cleaning up-

Young Eda: Put the corpse on ice, I'm on my way with digging tools.

Young Lilith: What the fuck--no why would I-

Young Eda: I'm texting Camila to get the gasoline to burn the remains.

Young Lilith: EDALYN ALL I DID WAS BREAK A VASE-

* * *

[Beta Lumity au]

Luz: I didn't even start the fight so why am I grounded??

Amity: Because you didn't finish it.

Luz: You stabbed them-

Amity: So you still didn't finish it.

* * *

Lilith: I can be bad boi! What if I also regularly broke the law?!

Eda: But do you.

Lilith: No but still! I could if I wanted.

Eda: I love you sis. But you couldn't.

Lilith: Now just because you're right-

* * *

Edric: I'm surrounded by good bi's.

Gus: That's kinda deep and sad-

Emira: Don't. It's probably a stupid pun.

* * *

[Sibling Au]

Luz: I want giant icecream!

Camila: You can have giant icecream when you are Lucia's age.

Luz: But I'll never be Lucia's age, she is always going to be 3 years older than me!!!

Lucia, eating two giant icecreams: YEAH! BITE IT SHRIMP!!

* * *

Edric: You ever get water hungry??

Emira: Thirsty.

Edric: No, water hungry.

Amity: Smh Em making up words.


	83. Sweet talk to me, babe

Luz: People who sleep without socks on make me worry.

Boscha: People who sleep WITH socks are not to be trusted.

Amity: People who sleep are weird.

Willow: I was a sock once.

* * *

Luz: if you ever need anything i’m available 24/6

Gus: you mean 24/7?

Luz: no, saturdays are dates with Amity day

* * *

Emira: you know, clapping is just slapping yourself because you like something

Viney: if you don’t go to bed right now, i may actually kill you

* * *

[siblings au]

Luca: how long are we going to let him do that?

Lucia, pinching the bridge of her nose: just... just give him a minute

Luz: [still pushing on a door that is clearly labeled pull]

* * *

Amity: Did you tell anyone we’re dating?

Luz: Yes, Amity, I have no self control and I told everyone we’re dating.

Amity: Okay, no need to be sarcastic.

Luz: No seriously, I have no self control and I told everyone we’re dating. I even told a couple of strangers on the street corner.

* * *

[Actor AU]

Reporter: So why do you two love each other so much? i mean there are so many fan-wars everywhere.

Lumity: [crack knuckles]

Lumity: [stretch]

Lumity: [turn lights off]

Lumity: [set up projector]

Lumity: well.

* * *

Amity: [feeding Luz]

Gus: ...is this thing between Luz and Amity is supposed to be a secret?

Willow: not really. the only people that don't know Amity loves Luz are Amity and Luz

* * *

Kidnappers: We have your wife.

Luz: You kidnapped Amity? Amity Noceda?

Kdnappers: Yeah.

Luz: Good luck with that.

* * *

Luz: We all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive.

Willow: Boscha

Emira: mother

Amity: For me, it's literally myself

* * *

Boscha: I get it! I'm always the second choice!

Willow: Not for me.

Boscha: Aww Willow that's so cu-

Willow: You're my last choice.

* * *

Luz: I'm gay.

Edric: I'm upset.

Emira: I'm tired.

Amity: And I'm all the above, get over yourselves.

* * *

[Beta AU]  
Luz: Amity, are you a lamp?

Amity: If this is something dumb like ‘because you light up my world’ I’m gonna fucking smack you.

Luz: Fine, I won’t say it.

Amity: Like hELL you won’t say it, tell me how lovely I am bitch.

* * *

Edric: You can never say “bubbles” in a threatening way.

Luz: Bet

[Later]

Amity: Can anyone tell me why Luz is on the roof angrily screaming the word “bubbles” at the top of his lungs?

* * *

Luz: Would you say Amity is a night person or a morning person?

Willow: [watches Amity chug a cup of pure espresso, walk into a wall, then finally stumble into the elevator] she's barely a person in general.

* * *

Luz, to Amity: So, do you wanna stay for dinner?

Camila, screaming: Do you wanna stay forever?

* * *

Boscha: you know what your problem is? you’re cute, so no one’s ever told you to shut your mouth

Willow:

Willow: you think i’m cute?

Boscha: shut your mouth


	84. Zuko here

[Teacher au]

Lilith: Edalyn why do you insist on making a seating chart for the teachers lounge? You're hardly productive without motive.

Eda: I like to pair up people that entertain me and watch the chaos.

King: So that's why you put Amity and Luz together.

Eda, sips coffee and watching Amity trying not to die: It's a beautiful thing.

* * *

Luz, trying to stay positive: You're only sick if you act like you're sick! If you act like you're healthy, you'll be alright.

Amity: Luz you are literally bleeding out right now.

Luz: H e a l t h y.

* * *

Lilith: We need to think straight.

Amity: Well, shit.

Lilith: Amity, now is not the time.

* * *

Emira: So, what do you have planned for the future?

Edric: Lunch.

Emira: No, like, long term.

Edric: Dinner??

* * *

Gus: You can control humans by giving them cheese.

Luz: But cheese is so good though!

Gus: Got one.

* * *

Eda: I’m a reverse-necromancer.

Lilith: Isn’t that just killing people?

Eda: Pssh. Technicality.

* * *

Eda: I am the master at breaking in stealthily.

Eda: [Smashes window and jumps in]

* * *

Edric: I’m sick of people saying that i have to “go to the hospital” and that I’ve “lost a lot of blood.” Its my stab wound not yours! Stay out of it!

* * *

Boscha: How tall are you?

Gus: Height is a social construct.

Boscha: So, you’re short.

* * *

Amity: So, I’ve found a foolproof method of finding out if someone is evil or not.

Willow: Oh? And that is?

Amity: If they dislike Luz, they’re evil.

Willow: Yeah, that’s pretty solid logic.

* * *

King, texting Eda: Eda, there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door, can you get it?

King: Please hurry, I'm going to cry.

King: Eda?

King: Eda!

Eda texting back: Eda is dead. You’re next. Love, moth.

* * *

Gus: Hey, Luz, you got any good stories?

Luz: Well, a duck walked up to a lemonade stand-

Gus, tearing up: Beautiful.

* * *

Boscha: I have no fears.

Willow: What if you woke up one day and Gus was taller than you?

Boscha:

Boscha: I have one fear.

* * *

Amity: Once, in the 5th grade, this kid called me a homo and I thought it meant homeless. So I told her “Boscha you’ve been to my house.”

* * *

Eda: What was that noise?

King, after smashing open a pickle jar: The sound of victory.

* * *

Edric: Are leaves called leaves because they leave the tree?

Emira: Do they even want to leave, though? What if the tree MAKES them leave?

Amity: I am begging you two to talk about anything else.

* * *

Amity: What am I going to do about asking out Luz? I'm freaking out!

Edric: Would it be a bad time to mention I invited her over to hang with you? 

Luz: [knocks the door]

Emira: [answers the door]

Luz: Is Amity here?

Emira: You know what? 

Amity: [jumps through the window]

Emira: She just left.

* * *

[Roommate au]

Lilith: I keep finding random sticky notes everywhere with horrible handwriting.

Eda: Look I forget what some things are called. And I get it my handwriting sucks!

Lilith: Wait wait wait--let's go back to "forget what some things are called," I found a note on Camilia when she was taking a nap.

Eda: But. But I have to remember what perfection looks like.

Lilith:

Lilith: Carry on.

* * *

[Roomate au]

Eda: I need help putting all of this stuff up.

Lilith: Didn't you say you didn't bring a lot...?

Eda: Well I got a bunch of stuff now.

Lilith: Uh huh. And no crimes to get it?

Eda: Nope.

Lilith: So none of that is stolen?

Eda:

Lilith:

Eda: I agree.

Lilith: Edalyn-

* * *

Luz: PILLOW FIGHT! [Throws pillow]

Gus: [Gets hit in the stomach] OW WHAT THE FUCK-

[Pillow lands, rocks roll out of it]

Amity: Boscha did you pUT ROCKS IN THE PILLOWS?!

Boscha: YOU SAID "PILLOW FIGHT" WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!

* * *

[Luz showing Amity around human realm for the first time]  
Luz: Welcome to the human realm.

Luz: If you look to your left, you’ll see the human realm.

Luz: If you look to your right, you’ll see the human realm.

* * *

Amity: Luz, why is there a normal sized carrot in the bag of baby carrots?

Luz: They need adult supervision.

* * *

Emira: I’m terrified of the Backstreet Boys.

Viney: Tell me why.

Emira: [screams]


	85. Guess who's back and getting gayer??

Young Lilith: i recently stopped wearing my glasses

Young Camila: oh, did you get contacts?

Young Lilith: no i just don’t care what’s happening anymore

* * *

Genie: You get one wish.

Luz: I wish for more-

Genie: No wishing for more wishes.

Luz:

Genie:

Luz: I wish for more genies.

Genie: Holy shit

All of the new genies: Holy shit

* * *

Luz, watching Amity sleep: I just love her so much. She's my everyth-

Amity: [snores loudly]

Luz: I can't live like this.

* * *

Gus: Okay but coleslaw is just yeehaw kimchi.

Willow: The issue with that is that you’re not wrong.

* * *

(If Luz had a pet bunny and named it after Amity au)

Luz: AMITY NO NOT ON THE COUCH-

Amity, standing outside the Owl House about to knock: What the fuck-

* * *

(If Luz had a pet bunny and named it after Amity au)

Luz who snuck her new pet bunny in her backpack: Amity, istg you're going to be the death of me.

Amity, across the hall, trembling: _W-what-_

* * *

(If Luz had a pet bunny and named it after Amity au)

Amity: I don't know what she sees in you.

Amity the bunny: [Nose twitches]

Amity:

Amity: Damn you and your cute, persuasive ways.

* * *

(If Luz had a pet bunny and named it after Amity au)

Luz, at the bunny: Nu, bad Amity. Stop chewing on Willow's plants.

Amity, terrified: [Turns to Willow] Look maybe I've been having memory gaps but sorry?? For?? Chewing on your plants?!

Willow, who knows exactly what's going on: [Pats Amity on the shoulder] All is forgiven. Just don't eat my lunch too.

Amity: I _what-_

* * *

Eda: you may now kiss the bri-

Luz: [clears throat]

Amity: 

Eda: oh right

[ouran high school host club opening plays]

Eda: you may kiss kiss fall in LOVE!

* * *

Edric: I want to learn trumpet so I can annoy Mittens even more

Emira: See, here’s the thing. Technically you don’t need to know how to play to do that

Edric: Em you have opened my eyes

* * *

[Beta au]

Willow: are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Amity: I'm the knife.

Luz: she's the little spoon

Amity:

Luz: babe wait I'm sorry-

* * *

Amity: hey luz i like you

Luz: i like you too amity!

Amity: really?

Luz: yeah you're a great friend!

Amity: oh- so hows willow?

Luz: oh me and her went on a date yesterday

Amity:... what?

* * *

Viney: I love all creatures!

Luz: you kicked a raccoon and called it 'little shameless thief'

Viney, with crazy eyes: those little hands are NOT something good!

* * *

Gus: so i called you all today to welcome our newest member!

Amity, wearing a lot of Luz merch: hello fellow comrades

* * *

Camila: _Mija_ , i'm not dating Eda

Luz: Ok, Ok... Hey mom what species was Bambi?

Camila: Deer.

Eda, from the other room: What's it, Reina?

Camila: 

Luz: _No me mientas así_

* * *

Skara: Just tell willow that you like her.

Boscha, face against the table: Nooooo...

Skara: What's the worst that could happen?

Boscha: She could hear me.

* * *

Willow: We need a distraction!

Gus: Is anyone good here good at jumping up and down and making obnoxious noises?!

Luz and Edric: Our time has come [Mysterious Winds passes their hair]

* * *

Luz: People say garlic is known to render the abilities of a vampire useless.

Edric, Emira, Willow, Gus, and Amity: Hmmm

[Halloween]

Boscha as a vampire: Here's-

Boscha: [gets attacked by a bunch of garlic toast loaves]

Boscha: AAHH!!

Edric, Emira, Willow, Gus, and Amity behind a fort of empty garlic toast boxes while chucking garlic bread at Boscha: the power of bread compels you!

Luz: I wanna help but I just can't look away.

* * *

[texting]  
Edric: what did one ocean say to the other ocean when it left?

Luz: sea you later?

Edric: no, it just waved

Luz: lmao... i SEA what u did there

* * *

Luz: you don’t have to sign your name after a text

Amity: [text] Dear Luz The Human,

Your suggestion has been noted.

Sincerely,

Amity Blight


	86. So um.. VALENTINES DAY

Amity: So, Luz. Truth or Dare?

Luz: Truth.

Amity, pulling out a corkboard covered in news reports, pictures, and red string: Was the moon landing real or fake?

Luz, shocked: What?

Amity, eye twitching: Just answer the goddamn question.

* * *

Viney: This is my partner, Emira.

Emira: [glares]

Viney: We’re in a relationship?

Emira: [glares]

Viney: I give up. I thought we were dating.

Emira: Viney, we’re MARRIED.

Viney: We are?

* * *

[texting]  
Luz: guys, you won't believe this! my phone rang in the middle of a funeral!

Willow: I'm sorry for your loss, but I don't see any problem with your phone ringing that can't be fixed.

Luz: my ringtone is highway to hell

* * *

Amity in episode 16: im gonna dance with my crush

Amity in episode 17: OH MY GOD! CUTE UNIFORMS HAHAHAHAHAH _SWEATING??_

* * *

Someone: Can I date you, Luz?

Luz, panicking: Uhh...I'm dating Gus!

Gus, panicking: I'm dating Willow!

Willow: I'm dating...

Willow: [looks at Boscha] ...

Willow: fuck.

Boscha: What the hell is that supposed to mean?!

* * *

Luz: You may see me and ask yourself, “Wow. She’s pretty dressed up. Is she going on a date?”

Luz: The answer is no.

Luz: I’m going to the aquarium and I need the sea otters to like me.

* * *

Alador, doing a crossword: What’s a five-letter word for disappointment?

Odalia: Amity.

Amity:

Alador:

Odalia: ...it fits

* * *

Amity, sleep deprived: I wish I would cry macaroni because then I would get free macaroni, and then I'd be so happy I'd cry again and get more macaroni.

Luz: honey are you okay?

* * *

Boscha: Anyone wanna get in an argument with me?

Amity: Okay, mangoes aren’t that good.

Boscha: I was kidding but you know what, fuck you for real.

* * *

Amity: What are you thinking about?

Luz: [pauses daydream about zombie ninjas fighting cyborg pirates from the future] You.

* * *

Luz: You believe me?

Amity: Luz, you’re the only good person in this group. I’d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

* * *

Amity: Do you think different laundry detergents have different tastes?

Edric: They do.

Emira: Why did you say that with such certainty?

* * *

Amity: I'm not gay

Willow: You are in a committed relationship with Luz!

Amity, looking at Luz and their intertwined hands: 

Amity: You got me there

* * *

[Owl Gang goes camping+ Boscha]

Luz, Willow, and Amity: [opens Boscha's tent]

Willow: [grabs the inflatable bed and drags it to the lake]

Amit and Luz: [laughing]

Boscha: [floats out]

[Morning]

Boscha: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[seconds later]

Boscha: [tries to get up and fails]

Rest of the owl gang: [wheezing]

* * *

Amity: You know the sky changes color to what I'm feeling?

Luz: Amity, the sky is blue every day

Amity, crying: EXACTLY


	87. Q&A for fun

I'm so happy that this reached a lot of views, so I decided... why not make a Q&A thing to get to know all of you attractive and pog people :3

Comment below ur questions and I'll gladly answer all of them


	88. Q&A for fun: Answers

Q: did you think you would inspire so many people?

A: Honestly, I'm not really sure how I'd inspire people. But if there are people who got inspired because of me, then I'm happy to hear that. I like seeing people happy, it also makes me happy!

* * *

Q: Are you actually married like you said so many chapters ago?

A: Platonic married on discord but it's over now owo

* * *

Q: How do you come up with all your ideas? Bc every single one is funny xD

A: all of these are from me and my friends from discord! some of them are made up by us and some of them are from actual incorrect quotes.

* * *

Q: What's your favorite owl house character

A: Luz Noceda

* * *

Q: What's ur fav owl house ship?

A: Lumity!! Camila x Lilith!! CamilEda! Boschlow!

* * *

Q: First: What do you do with the drunken sailor? And I remember the fallen, do they think of me?

A: 

A: what-

* * *

Q: It will be cool if y'all put this in a comic, that will be owltastic :3

A: it do be pog UwU

* * *

Q: Did you ever think this thread would get this many views/ have so many chapters?

A: I actually think that this quotes would have a lot of chapters. What caught me off guard were the kudos and views. I posted this because I haven't seen anyone post incorrect the owl house quotes here in AO3. I had to ask my friends for permission to post our quotes here. I expect this actually to have at least 49 kudos or something. Didn't expect to be this big


	89. Y'all showed me that I have reasons to love myself

Luz: Hey.

Amity: Umm, excuse me, I have a girlfriend.

Luz: Yeah, I know… We’re girlfriends.

Amity: I know!! I just still can’t believe it.

* * *

Eda: Hey! Wanna see a trick?

Lilith: Last time you showed me a trick it took two weeks to grow my eyebrows back.

* * *

[Hexside Days AU]  
Odalia: [about to ask Camila out] this will be a great day!

Eda: [makes a shitty pun]

Camila: [laughs]

Lilith: [wraps her arm around Camila's waist]

Odalia:

Odalia: [crushes pink note] those fucking Clawthornes-

* * *

Eda: Luz, I need to talk to you about something important.

Luz: That building was already on fire when I got there.

Eda: What?

Luz: What?

* * *

Luz: [staring through the window, looking pensive]

Amity, daydreaming while staring at Luz: She’s so beautiful, so thoughtful. My love…

Luz, internally: How many cupcakes can I fit in my mouth at one time?

* * *

Lilith: My students are capable of magic, combat, and general runic chants. What is your student capable of?

Eda, smirking: Well, first of all-

Luz, stumbling into the room sobbing: Eda I got my hand stuck in the demon butter jar again...

Eda:

* * *

Willow: You’ve gotta tell her how you feel. 

Luz: No way! 

Willow: You can’t just give up! Is that what Naruto would do? 

Luz: What

Willow: I’m just trying to speak your language.

* * *

[HEXSIDE AMITY X GLANDUS LUZ]

Luz: i know we're suppose to be rivals but i don't want a pretty girl like you to get scared. i'll protect you

Amity, thinking: omgomgomgogmg this is one of the fanfics that i read! enemies to friends to lovers trope!

* * *

[Beta AU]  
Luz: One more thing... We can never let anyone know what happened in here

Amity: Agreed.

Luz: Take it to the grave?

Amity: To the grave.

Luz: This conversation never happened.

Amity: I don't even know who you are.

Luz: That's really hurtful, you took it too far.

Amity: That's a weird thing for a stranger to say.

* * *

[Siblings AU]  
Lucia, comforting Luz: It’s okay to be scared, kid. Everyone is afraid of something

Luz, sniffing: Even you?

Lucia: no

* * *

Edric: My therapist asked me to stop calling our weekly session "sad boi hour" which is, to say the least, very rude.

* * *

[Hexside Days AU]  
Camila: Hey, Odalia, wanna third wheel on my date with Lilith tomorrow?

Odalia: I guess...

Camila: Eda! Wanna third wheel on my date with Lilith?

Eda: Hell yes!

Camila: Great! I’ve always wanted to go on a double date!

Lilith: 

Lilith: What?

Alador, wheezing: I can’t breathe!

* * *

Amity: I can’t believe all these people dressed in all black. Black was my thing, and now everyone’s doing it to be ‘cool’.

Edric: They’re all posers.

Emira: Mittens, I can’t stress this enough, we are at a funeral.

* * *

[Siblings AU]  
Amelia: Hey there’s a Taco Bell, what do you want?

Amity: For Luz to love me back

Amy:

Amelia: Yeah, I got like 12 rupees

* * *

Edric: Don't correct me.

Emira: Don't be wrong.

* * *

[Hexside days AU]  
Alador: Just tell her "you're beautiful".

Odalia: Got it.

Odalia, to Camila: I'm beautiful.

Camila:

Camila: What?

* * *

Luz: When have I ever done something stupid and irresponsible?

Amity: Do you want the list in chronological or alphabetical order?

* * *

Skara: Who’s your favorite witch in the boiling isles?

Luz: I don’t know, that’s a hard question.

Amity, Willow and Gus, with zero hesitation: Luz.

* * *

[Raven Child AU]  
Luz: Why does mami wear makeup?

Lilith: To look pretty.

Luz: But she's already pretty.

Camila: Aww...

Luz, to Lilith: Mommy, you should wear makeup.

Eda: [dying of laughter in the background]


End file.
